8: Imposter Syndrome and Managing Feelings of Doubt

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Hi everyone. Today I want to take a few minutes to talk to you about how to work through moments of doubt. Specifically, I want to talk about how to manage the imposter syndrome. What is the imposter syndrome? If you haven't heard the term before, it refers to that feeling of that voice in the back of your head that's telling you that you're not good enough. That voice that's telling you that people are gonna figure out that you are an imposter, that what you're doing isn't legitimate, isn't valid, isn't worthwhile or of value. It's that feeling that makes you doubt yourself, makes you think twice, makes you wonder if you should even be doing what you're doing. It's anytime you're hesitating about yourself, about your worth, about the value of what you do. That is an example of imposter syndrome. And this feeling starts to kick in a lot around this time. By the time that this episode gets published, it's going to be December. I know that a lot of folks are applying to PhD programs at this time. When you're applying, there's that part of you that's wondering, why am I even bothering? What if I apply and I don't get admitted anywhere? Then what I do? Especially if you're in a situation where you have a cohort of other people who are applying with you, or maybe you have a support group, or a group of friends who are also applying to things with you. There's always that concern that maybe you're not going to get in anywhere, because a good part of the process of applying to graduate school - and also the process of being involved in academia- is having to deal with rejection. There is a good amount of rejection.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Unlike applying to college, where, let's say you apply to four to eight schools, and you may get admitted to a good number of them, applying to graduate school is different because you're applying based on fit. And if you're not a good fit for a program- you could have a perfect GPA, a perfect GRE score, awesome research experience and still not get in anywhere. That's what makes it scarier, because you're hoping that you're doing enough research so that other people realize that you're a good fit for them. But then there's a part of you that wonders, well, am I really a good fit? Have I really done enough? Am I ready for graduate school? Have I received the right preparation? Am I competitive enough? And it's hard to work through those feelings. What are my suggestions for what to do when you're feeling that way? I'll let you know very personally about what I do and also the advice that I give my students. I'll tell you that I experience moments of doubt all the time. I feel like an imposter regularly even though I have a PhD, even though I advise and supervise people.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

When that feeling kicks in, one thing that helps me a lot is to think about where I came from. So thinking about myself and how I started, from a single mom household with five other siblings. We're a family of six siblings. First in the family to go to college. I had to figure out college all on my own and how much of a culture shock it was to be in that setting. Realizing for the first time in college that I was first generation, realizing that I was low income. I thought to myself, oh my goodness, these people take vacations. How in the world are they traveling to Europe and going paragliding or sailing or who knows what? Meanwhile, my parents don't know what vacation means. I never got to really go and travel. I had to go home and help my mom whenever we had school breaks. When I think about how far I've come from being that first in my family to go to college, being the first in my family to go to grad school, being one of the 0.2 of Chicanas, Latinas who get a PhD, then I'm reminded: actually I have done enough. Maybe I'm not perfect, but but this is good enough. What I'm presenting, what I'm doing is good enough. And so I want you to remind yourself: you have a story. You have a struggle, whatever that struggle is. That struggle could be that you moved from another country at age ten and had to navigate a completely different culture, a different language, different everything. Or maybe it was that you also came from a single parent household, or from a low income household, or from a predominantly underrepresented community, under resourced community. Whatever that struggle is for you, remind yourself of how far you've come. That's one way that you could try to manage and combat those negative feelings that are telling you that you're not good enough and that are making you doubt yourself.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

What else do I tell my students? The one thing I like to tell people, and I hope that you have someone who can tell you this. If you need someone to tell you this, and you don't have anybody, maybe just send me an email. I'd be happy to connect with you, get to know you a little bit more, and hopefully provide you with this advice. The one thing I like to tell people, especially if I know them very well, is that I believe in them. Sometimes you need someone to believe in you in order for you to believe in yourself. I'll let you know that I struggled to believe in myself and and then I had friends, you know, other fierce mujeres who I know have my back and who believe in me. The same goes with my partner. He has believed in me since day one. When I told him that I was interested in going to grad school and getting a PhD, he never doubted me. My mom, she never ever - in fact, it was kind of annoying how much she didn't doubt me because she made everything seem like it was easy. She's like, oh, yes, that exam. Easy. Oh, yes, you're gonna get a PhD. You're so smart, easy. We know how hard it is to complete high school and go to college and then go on to grad school. It's not easy, per se, but it's always nice to have someone who has your back and who believes in you. That's the other thing I want to mention, is make sure you surround yourself with a support system of folks who have your back and who believe in you. So that when you're doubting yourself, they can help. They can check up on you. They can give you that pep talk that you need.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

What else helps with imposter syndrome? I think the last thing I want to say- I know that I could go on and on and on. I'm just speaking off the cuff right now because I am dealing with seeing a lot of seniors right now who are applying to grad school and everybody is doubting themselves in some way. The other thing I just want to let them know is just take action. If you're struggling, if you're doubting yourself, instead of making that the thing that holds you back from moving forward, instead of that being the thing that makes you not work on your statements, not send your transcripts, not send your GRE scores, make it the opposite. Make it the thing that instigates, that produces that action that helps you keep moving forward. So if you're doubting yourself, what can you do to make yourself feel a little less anxious about the process, a little less worried, a little less doubtful? Maybe you can get feedback from someone and apply that feedback and strengthen your essays. Maybe you can ask someone for help because you're struggling with the application portal and you don't know how to answer a question. What are the things that you can do to get past those doubts? Sometimes it's a productive distraction. You're working on your materials, and distracting yourself from those feelings of doubt. Instead of the feelings of doubt distracting you from getting the work done, getting the work done to distract yourself from continuing to have those feelings. I hope that makes sense.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

That's the advice I want to offer for now. I do think that this is an ongoing process. I'm definitely not an expert on this because, like I mentioned, I too still struggle with imposter syndrome. But I rely on my affirmations. I rely on my community and my support system. I rely on myself taking action, so that I don't hold myself back. I remind myself that I shouldn't be the one to say no to myself. I should go on and go ahead and do the thing that scares me and let other people say no to me. And if they do say no to me, then I say you know what? No means next. If this opportunity doesn't fall on my lap now, it doesn't work out now, then something else is gonna be available for me. And I need to move on to that next thing. Sometimes that next thing ends up being an even better thing than you could have even imagined.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

I'll tell you a story about one of my students actually before I wrap up. If she listens to this podcast, she's gonna know I'm talking about her but I won't mention her name. She was just completely stellar. Incredible, amazing student. I bonded with her so much. She was on top of her stuff. She would regularly meet with me. She applied to a number- I don't know how many, maybe six to eight graduate programs. I think they were all PhD programs. I was confident that she was going to be a shoo in for graduate school. And I'm not always confident that everybody's going to get in to every single program they applied to But I was like, oh, she's gonna get into multiple programs. She's gonna have all these packages, and going to negotiate and going to be doing great. And trust me, she's doing great now, but the process was rockier than she expected. She had decent GRE scores, a near perfect GPA. She had been admitted to a very competitive external research program at an Ivy League school, so she had that on her CV as research experience. She had been doing research for over two years, since her sophomore year. If you think about what a competitive package looks like, she had all the things. Then she applied in December. Come February, other students in her cohort are finding out about getting into graduate school, and she's not finding out anything. When she does hear back from some programs, they're all no's. And so then she understandably starts to freak out and reaches out and wondering like, what did I do wrong? Was my writing sample not strong enough? Was my GPA not good enough? Was it my GRE scores? Did I mess up on the application portal? Am I a failure?

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

And I had to just remind her, no, you're incredible. You've always been incredible. Sometimes it's just because there is an issue of fit. Maybe the people that you wanted to work with were unavailable. Sometimes folks retire. Sometimes folks go on sabbatical. Sometimes folks can't accept students. Her discipline happens to be a very competitive discipline that offers very little funding. That also didn't work in her favor. And so I just reminded her, you know what, let's come up with a plan B. Let's see what else you can apply to. Are there any master's programs? Are there any very competitive post baccalaureate programs that you can apply to? And then, if you don't get into those, then I can help you apply for jobs: full time jobs, research positions, things like that. She went ahead and applied to both. Instead of waiting on the jobs, she applied to jobs. She applied to post baccs. And she ended up having two or three opportunities come up, including one very competitive post- bacc at an Ivy League that pays her with a salary, with benefits. The salary, she's making over double what any graduate student would make now. In fact, I'm worried that if she goes on to a PhD program, she's gonna miss having that really great salary and those really great benefits. And so right now, she can't even- like her package, she couldn't even dream of what a great funding package it was. She really likes her community there. And she couldn't be doing any better.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So she wouldn't have known this in February when she was hearing back and they were mostly no's, thinking it was the end of the world and that she had failed. No, she didn't; she didn't fail. In fact, she was just as awesome as she was before she even applied to graduate school and these Ivy Leagues saw that. In fact, two out of the three offers that she had were from Ivy League programs that were offering her post-baccs with competitive packages. They really wanted her. All of this to say that you never know what'll happen. And I don't want you to think oh my gosh, if she was great student and she struggled, how am I going to get in? No, because let me tell you another story.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

I had another student who- I was concerned about him because he was that student that was always late to turning things in. I wasn't even sure he was gonna meet his grad school deadlines. He was all over the place. I was always having to tell him, can you, you know, you got to focus a little bit more, maybe take some things off your plate. You're doing too much. And if he hears this podcast, he's gonna know it's him because there's this tone that I would use with him. I love him so much too and I'm like, are you really gonna get your stuff done? You're driving me crazy. I'm not sure. Let's see, let's make sure you get everything in. Let me tell you. He applied to five or six programs. These were master's programs. I believe they were all master's programs. To my surprise- pleasant surprise- he got into all of them. He got into all of them, and then ended up going to a great university in Southern California and is doing what he loves, serving the population that he loves. Anyway, it worked out great for him. I was so surprised, but I was pleasantly surprised because you never know. Again, it's an issue of fit. And also, you know, you want to get support, make sure your application is as strong as possible so that it ends up just being about fit and not because you didn't maybe review your essays enough. But all of this to say that no matter where you are, don't let your doubts hold you back. You could be that student that maybe doesn't have a perfect profile and gets in everywhere. Or you could be that student that has a perfect profile, and doesn't get in anywhere that you thought. But then, after you don't get into any of the places that you initially thought you wanted to go to, you find this even better opportunity. I hope that's enough inspiration for you, because you really do have this. You just need to kind of believe in yourself, have others believe in you, and reach out and get help. Get support to make sure that you're demonstrating yourself in your best and in the best ability. So if you want to keep chatting about this or if you want me to expand on a topic related to feelings of doubt, and how to navigate and manage imposter syndrome, feel free to reach out to me. You know how to reach out to me over email, and I'd be happy to answer any questions or follow up on this topic. Thank you.