77: Thinking About Quitting Grad School?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Hello, everyone. Today I have another short bonus episode for you. Today's topic is all about what happens when you're thinking about quitting grad school. I received that as a question and topic suggestion on Instagram. It's something that's actually been on my mind- the topic of quitting, or leaving, or separating. It's not just common in grad school. It's common across all spheres. People are leaving their jobs, leaving their relationships, leaving their schooling, whatever it is- certain circumstances. I think what the pandemic has done for us is that it has shed light on a lot of things like what really matters to us. What are our values? What are the things that we want? What are our priorities? So because of that, a lot of people are debating and considering whether or not it's time for them to take a break or to leave whatever current position or situation or circumstance they're in.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

If you are a graduate student right now and you've had thoughts about quitting, I want to share my insights on the topic for you in hopes that it helps you make an informed and the best decision for you and your situation. So if you're thinking about quitting grad school, you need to be really clear about the reasons why you want to quit. What are the reasons? I can think of a couple of examples.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Maybe you're realizing a year and a half, close to two years into the pandemic, that you're completely burnt out and unhappy and you need a change. That may be the reason why. Maybe you have tried your best to set boundaries with your work and your play, or your work and your home life. And no matter how hard you try, it's not working. Setting boundaries isn't working. So you feel like, okay, I need to do something else. Maybe you're dealing with mental or physical health issues. You've thought about it, and perhaps a leave of absence might not be enough to address them.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Maybe you have dependents. Maybe you're a caregiver, and you're having to take care of someone who's really ill right now. That might be a reason why you're considering leaving. Maybe you're dealing with a toxic advisor, or a toxic department, or the toxic overall culture in that unit, in that school, in that department as a whole. Or maybe you've been in graduate school for a few years, and you actually realize that this is not it, and that you no longer want a career in research and in academia. And what you do want to pursue, you don't necessarily need a PhD for.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I could go on and on and on. There are a lot of different reasons why you may be thinking about quitting. But I think it's important to know why, because once you can identify the why- and it might not be one thing. It might be multiple reasons. Once you have the whys, then think about- are there solutions to this problem? Is there a way for me to resolve this, or to work things out, that does not involve me quitting completely.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

For some people, they just need a break. And taking a leave of absence for a quarter, a semester, a year, might be what they need to come back to the program and finish. For other people, maybe they just need to set firmer boundaries. Not just boundaries with others, but boundaries with themselves. And honor themselves and their time, and be very clear about that, so that they feel like they can have a life outside of academia. Working on yourself so that you don't make the work that you do your identity.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Maybe- I'm thinking about- you need to just pursue some more professional help. Working with a therapist might help you out, or seeing several specialists to try to figure out what's going on with your physical health. I know that for a lot of us, it's really important to continue to have benefits. And you have your health insurance as a graduate student. Maybe focusing on your physical health and taking a little bit longer to finish your program might be the solution.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Maybe if you're dealing with a toxic advisor- can you switch advisors? Maybe if you're dealing with a department that's not the right fit for you- can you switch departments? Can you change programs? I know people who have switched from one discipline to another. In some cases, they were able to keep credits from that previous program and not start from scratch in the next program. If that's the case, maybe just making a switch- and I say just as if it's easy. I know you still have to navigate the bureaucracy. But maybe switching advisors or switching departments might be what's best for you.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So think about it. Write down all the things that are the reasons that you're thinking about quitting. And if there are other solutions before ultimately deciding to quit, try those out and see. That might keep you going until you finish your program. Now, let's say that no matter how hard you try, you feel like you've done it all. You've sought professional help and support. You've tried switching advisors. You took some time off. And at the end of the day, you just cannot identify any other solutions to your problem. Then perhaps quitting is the right next step for you.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But for a lot of people quitting- I mentioned this in a live. I did an IG live with the Scholarly Sewist this week. When I was in grad school, I didn't think that quitting was an option. Quitting can be a privilege. Wuitting can induce a lot of feelings of shame. Quitting can be embarrassing. It can feel like you work so hard just to get to this point. So if you know that quitting is the right thing for you, but you're thinking so much about the external factors and what everybody else is gonna say, then you need to sit with that a little bit more. Think about okay, what's actually holding you back from quitting? If quitting is the right next step for you, if you don't necessarily need this degree to move on with your life and live your best life, then what's holding you back?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Is it that you have that negative association with quitting or leaving or separating from something? Do you- like me - feel like quitting is not an option? No- it's like, I did not work this hard to get into this very competitive program just to leave. Or I do not want to deal with the shame that my family members are going to experience knowing that I quit this program. Or my parents- especially if you're a child of immigrants- my parents did not work this hard just for me to have the privilege of getting an education and then leaving. Or just feeling like- what a waste. I spent all this time in grad school only to leave in year three, or four, or five, or whatever year you're in grad school. What a waste. If those are your feelings, you need to sit with them and process them. Think about whether or not they actually are valid. Because it's not a waste. Everything that you've learned- from this point on- you're going to take with you no matter what. No matter whether you finish or not.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Another thing that comes up a lot for a lot of us- and it still comes up for me from time to time- is when you make your program, your job, the work that you do, your research, you make all of that a central part of your identity. That can be problematic, because how many times have we heard people at conferences or in classrooms- I'm guilty of it- when giving presentations. And when they introduce themselves, they say hi. My name is Dr. Yvette Martinez- Vu, and I'm the Associate Director of the McNair program. You see how we start with our titles? Rather than just saying my name is Yvette.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

It's been ingrained in us to associate ourselves with what we do for a living. And it's so ingrained that that's one of the first things that someone asks you when they first meet you. It's like hi, so what do you do? And if you don't have the typical answer, they'll look at you like you're weird. It's like, oh, I'm a mom. I'm a daughter. I'm your neighbor. If you don't tell them what they want to hear- we make these associations of associating people and conflating them with what they do. But you are more than what you do for a living. You are more than that title.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Leaving your program is going to mean having to deal with the grief of losing that bit, or that part of you, that you've made a part of your identity. That doesn't have to be part of your identity. But you've made it a part of your identity. And again, leaving your program doesn't mean that you are no longer a scholar. It doesn't mean that you are no longer an academic. You can be an independent scholar. You can continue to do research. You can continue to access information. You have to be very creative about it, but you can still get published and do all the things without necessarily having to have an institutional affiliation. So just think about that. Are you ready to let go and to go through that grieving process that will inevitably happen when you go through these transitions like leaving a program.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

The other thing that I mentioned earlier- that I want to remind you- is that sometimes you really, really want to quit, but you feel that you don't have the circumstances necessary to quit. You feel that you don't have the privilege to quit. Maybe you don't have another job lined up or another source of income lined up. Maybe you don't have savings to hold you afloat while you figure out what the next thing is for you. Maybe you don't have family to support you.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I've said this before, and I'll say this again. When I was in grad school, I did not think that I had the option to go back home and go back to living with my single mom, because she didn't physically have enough space for me- but also because I didn't want to inconvenience her. I think I could have probably stayed on the couch. I wouldn't have been homeless, but I didn't want to inconvenience her. I didn't want to be a burden to her. But if I had reframed things and thought about it as- well, I'm gonna go back home, but only for delimited or a very specific amount of time. And during that time, I'm going to work on the next thing. Then maybe I would have felt differently. Maybe I would have thought that quitting was an option for me.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But in my specific circumstances, I was able to navigate my program and find solutions to what was going on. For instance, I did deal with a toxic advisor and I switched advisors. I did feel very isolated, and I got involved in women of color writing groups. I struggled with my mental health, and I always worked with therapists and joined support groups. So I found solutions to help me navigate graduate school. If you can, great. You should do that, too. If you can't, if there is just- no matter how hard you try, there's no solution. The only thing you can think of is quitting. There's no shame in that either.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But again, if you feel that you don't have the circumstances, then what do you have? What can you change in your current circumstances to make it so that you can quit? Maybe you're thinking about it, and now's your time to start applying for jobs. Maybe you're thinking about it, and now's the time to start talking to your family to see what options you have- if they can help you out in some way, shape or form, even if it means providing you with a mat on the floor to sleep on. You see what I mean? Like, what sacrifices are you willing to make to be able to quit?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I know this is supposed to be a very short episode. I'm going to try to wrap things up by reminding you that this episode is not me telling you- yes, you should quit. No, you shouldn't quit. Quitting is a very personal decision. And I have had several students meet with me because they have been debating quitting and leaving, whether it's leaving the McNair Program, or they feel they're getting pushed out from the university, or leaving their graduate program. The best thing for me to do- or at least in my experience, my approach to that- is mostly just to listen. To listen, to hold space for them, then tell them what I'm hearing in their own words. What I'm hearing- repeating what they say.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And most of the time, they know what they want to do. They just need someone to listen, and to validate their feelings and their experience, and to remind them that they're going to be okay. In each instance, students have made their own decisions. Some students realize- actually, I'm burnt out, and I just need to implement X, Y, and Z. Then they go on and finish and graduate. Other students leave. They prioritize- whether it's their mental health, physical health, taking care of someone, and don't look back. Or they leave, take a break, and come back in a few years.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

You see what I mean? There are multiple different ways for you to navigate this. Leaving doesn't mean leaving forever either. That's the other thing. Maybe you're leaving your program now, maybe you'll come back to graduate school later. It's going to be there. I just want you to remind yourself that if you're thinking about quitting, think about the reasons why. See if there are any solutions that you can try to implement. And if you can't, think about what's holding you back from quitting and come up with a plan to make the decision that's the best for you. Again, whether it's quitting or not quitting, you do what's right for you. Consult with your mentors, fementors, and I think you will be okay. Thank you for listening.