75: How do I maintain a healthy work / life balance? Tricks I’ve learned as a mother-scholar!

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Hi, everyone. I have another short episode for you today. It's all about work life balance. I received a question from someone who wanted me to talk about achieving work life balance. You know I'm not a huge fan of the word balance. But for the sake of the topic and addressing this person's question, I realize that a lot of the tips, tricks, skills that I've gained to kind of achieve better work life balance, work life harmony- whatever you want to call it- are things that I learned from becoming a mom. The things that I've learned from being a mother scholar. So I'm here just to tell you a couple of things that have come up for me off the top of my head with regard to seeking or achieving work life balance.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

The first thing is- in becoming a mom, one thing that came up for me is that not only does your identity shift, but your whole world and lifestyle changes. You go from seemingly having a lot of time on your hands to having very little time, because this little being is all encompassing, is relying on you for their entire liveliness, to survive. And what happens when you have less time is you learn to work smarter rather than harder. I found myself realizing, oh, wow. I don't have as many hours as my colleagues, as my cohort mates, as the people in my graduate class, or graduate school cohort. I just don't have as much time as them. So what am I supposed to do? It felt really unfair to have to be assigned the same readings and working on the same amount of material for our chapters, and I had only a percentage or a fraction of the amount of time that they did.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

For me, it meant being strategic with my time. It meant that sometimes I only had half an hour, or an hour, or a couple of hours, or a weekend. And what did I do is I made the most with that time. It really prevented me from procrastinating, because it promoted that sense of urgency. A lot of times I hear students say, I work really well when I'm under pressure. But in my head, I'm thinking, is it really that you work well under pressure? Or it's that you feel that you have to get it done, because you're under pressure. If that's the case, how can you recreate that sense of urgency, but during a time when it's not at the last minute? You see what I mean?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

For me, I created the sense of urgency in the sense that I realized I don't have as much time as everybody else, and so I have to be extra organized and schedule out my time far in advance. Anytime I had a deadline for anything, I would backtrack and think about -okay, when realistically, do I need to get this started? It may be months in advance to get it done, so that I don't fall behind. That's why I learned to rely on working smarter rather than harder. So creating a routine, and a schedule- a schedule where I would allow myself for things to happen and to play catch up. Once a month, there would be a weekend that I would dedicate it all towards writing and catching up on work, because I knew that no matter what, life was gonna happen. There were going to be times that I was going to fall behind. Again, I realized I had to work smarter.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Working smarter not harder isn't just about being efficient with your time. It's also about learning to do things that are good enough. I have mentioned before that I can be a bit of a perfectionist, and sometimes I do work that I'm not 100% satisfied with. But then at the end of the day when I look at it, I'm like, is it good enough? Yes. A lot of times my good enough is actually not that bad. It was actually great. And I don't realize that because I'm here nitpicking every little thing that I'm doing. When you nitpick and when you're a perfectionist, it's really easy to procrastinate. It's really easy to just take longer than you need to on a certain task. So for me, it meant just letting go of that perfectionism and doing work that is good enough.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

It also meant learning to not just rely on having these long stretches of time to get my work done, and instead being okay with working in small bursts of time. Maybe I only have a couple of minutes in the morning. Maybe I only have a couple of minutes at night. Maybe I only have that lunch hour to get this done. Then figuring out the time, the little bits of time, that you do have. Sometimes it feels like you have no time- especially as a parent, it really does feel like you have no time- and as a parent with minimal to no child care. But you find pockets of time here and there to get your work done.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

The other thing that I actually appreciate about being a parent, especially now that I'm a parent of an older child who can speak and articulate his needs, is that my son is the person who holds me accountable. You know, if I say- sure, after I get this done, we'll go out and take a walk, he's gonna hold me accountable. He's gonna say, actually, you finished it. You said we're gonna go on a walk. Let's go on a walk. That's one thing that I would want to share with you. Is there someone in your life who can hold you accountable to taking care of yourself and taking breaks, or who can hold you accountable to doing the things that you said, you're gonna do?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Like for me, I might say to my family, I got to work on X, Y, and Z. Then after that, we can go to the park. And I say I'm going to do it, and then I get it done, because I know they're waiting for me. I know that they're gonna hold me accountable. So figure that out. Sometimes, for some folks, it's their pet. It's their dog that they need to go out and take a walk. Sometimes it's a parent that they're living with that maybe they're helping to take care of. Maybe it's a niece or a nephew. Maybe it's a friend. Maybe it's a roommate. Who is going to hold you accountable to making sure that you're not just working all the time, or that you're not just procrastinating, that you don't just fall into this trap of feeling alone and isolated and like your life is just all about academics?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Because, frankly, that's not work life balance if all you're doing is work. That's just work. Where's the life part of it? Another thing that's been really helpful is having a routine. It turns out routines are great for babies. Routines are great for children. But routines are also great for adults. So it's figuring out what your routine is, whether you are actually going back in person to a campus setting, to a job outside of the home. Or your routine is you're still working from home, still studying from home, still doing all the things in the same place that you've been doing for the last year and a half or more.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Establishing a routine is really helpful, especially in between the things that you need to get done to break up your day. That can help you feel like things are not so much monotonous. Also so that you can kind of continuously get things done and not fall into the trap of either working too much- or the opposite, not working enough to get the things done and to meet the goals that you want to meet.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Another thing that's been helpful for me, and I think it is likely helpful for other people, especially if you're still working from home or studying from home. But even if that's not the case, just in general, it's always good to have designated workspaces or locations, or a ritual to transition between one thing and the next. For instance, if you're doing all of your work in one room, is there a way that you can have a designated space for your working or studying? Is there a way for you to have a designated space for resting? If not, then what can you do ritually that can help you feel like you're starting and ending your day?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

For instance, if you know- actually, I don't have a desk and I work on my bed, and I sleep on my bed, and I do all the things on my bed. Okay, then what can you do in terms of your ritual to distinguish between when you're working and when you're playing, or when you're working and when you're resting? Perhaps it means making your bed at the beginning of the day and keeping it made until you're ready to rest. Or maybe it means setting up your bed as a workstation, adding certain books or a binder or something that you know- as soon as that's on your bed, you know you're going to be working. Having designated workspaces, having rituals to your day is going to help you with feeling more of a balance, and not feeling like you're always doing the same thing over and over again. Or falling into that risk that you have of potentially, like you said, either working too much, not taking breaks or resting. Or the opposite, feeling like you're just kind of down and not having that interest or motivation to keep doing your work.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

The other thing that's always been very helpful to me- and it's helpful to me as a parent too- is having a schedule. And not just scheduling in work, but also scheduling in fun. Scheduling in rest. Scheduling in time to reflect. I schedule time for myself, you know, to listen to podcasts, to do my own reading, and just things- reflecting, journaling. I schedule time for my partner and I, and our romantic relationship. I schedule time for my kids. I try to make time one on one with my kids, and with my kids together.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Every week looks different. It's not like it's a perfect balance all the time, and some weeks are not as scheduled as others. But just reminding myself to schedule those things in are good, because otherwise I fall into the trap of working too much. And I have a feeling that that may be the case for you too, especially if maybe you don't have kids. Maybe you are like how I was before I had kids. You're a workaholic, and all you can think of and do at all times is work. That's not very healthy, and eventually it will catch up to you. So if there's anything that I want to remind you, it's that you are more than your productivity. You are more than your work, and you deserve to be able to rest and take care of yourself and have fun and experience joy and things outside of just productive things.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

The last thing I want to say- because this is supposed to be a shorter episode- is to please don't be afraid of saying no to things. There will be so many times that you will be asked to do one thing or another, and all those things can take up your time. No matter what, you stiill have to get your work done. And if you have all these additional requests, that means there's less and less space and time for you- for you to take care of yourself. So learn to say no. Figure out what are the things that you are willing to say yes to? Then everything else, try to be more unapologetic and say no to things that in the grand scheme of things, aren't make or break it type of opportunities.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Also, I want to remind you to make sure you communicate your needs and ask for help. That can be really hard. It's hard for me as a people pleaser, as a perfectionist, as a virgo, as a type A person, as someone who likes to be in control, as an introvert. There's so many things that are working against me asking for help. But I can't stress enough the importance of asking for help and communicating your needs when you need them, because it takes a village. Just like it takes a village to take care of kids, it takes a village to take care of you. To make sure that you're okay, and to make sure that you are harmonizing, and that you do have a life outside of your academics, outside of your job, outside of everything else that is productive for you.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I hope you found some of these tricks helpful. Let me know- send me a message on IG or via email. Always happy to hear from you. I'll talk to you all next time.