70: Being a Grad Student with a Disability with Emeline Beltran

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Welcome, everyone. I am really happy. Today, we have a really awesome guest speaker. Her name is Emeline Beltran, and she's going to be talking to us on the topic of being a grad student with a disability. And like I do with every guest speaker, I'm gonna go ahead and get started by reading her bio.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Emeline Beltran is a second year graduate student at California State University, Los Angeles in pursuit of her Master of Arts in Communication Studies. Her primary research interests are in intercultural and organizational communication patterns in health and higher education. She aspires to work in communication, research or programming roles in those fields. She has worked with and conducted research on many diverse populations, including undocumented college students, K through 16 students with disabilities, and pediatric cancer families. Her experiences as a survivor of leukemia, which resulted into a permanent visual impairment, was a prefigure to her current educational and career goals. Welcome so much, Emeline.

Emeline Beltran

Hi, it's great to be here.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Yes, it's so nice to have you on. I just want to kind of be honest with the audience, open and upfront- this is take two. We had a little bit of some internet issues, so we're trying this out again. Hopefully, this will be an even better conversation. I want you to get us started by telling us a little bit more about yourself, your background, your life trajectory- essentially, everything that led you to this point of pursuing your Master's program. I just read your bio and I'm like, there's so much there. If you could let us know a little bit more.

Emeline Beltran

Yeah, of course. So to expand on where you left off, I did have leukemia. I had leukemia when I was four, and I've been in remission since I was seven. I'm pretty healthy right now. But something that did come out of chemotherapy was my vision impairment. I was actually nearsighted before I had cancer, and I've been wearing glasses since I was two. But after chemotherapy, I developed a condition called nystagmus.

Emeline Beltran

Nystagmus is when your pupils shake vigorously. For me, it seems still. But outside looking in, people tell me all the time that my pupils will not stop shaking. So nystagmus- on top of being nearsighted and having a stigmatism- resulted into low vision. Low vision is when my vision is compromised, and I can't have it fixed, even if I wear glasses or contacts. So I've had accommodations in the classroom since I was in first grade. And having cancer at such an early age, I was always put in a position where I always had to explain myself. Whether it was with teachers, or classmates, I had to explain why I was always absent, or why I needed to sit in the front of the classroom.

Emeline Beltran

At the time, when I was younger, it was very difficult, because I was six years old. Then I had to break down cancer and visual disabilities to six year olds also. So my public speaking skills at the time, they were put to the test for sure because of this experience. It did get better as I grew up. But something I also noticed as I grew up was that there are a lot of flyers and videos. I would have to speak up for myself and say, I can't see this flyer. This font is too small, or the colors don't contrast well.

Emeline Beltran

All those experiences where I had to keep advocating for myself, I realized that I was going to do this for pretty much the rest of my life. So when I was applying for colleges, I instantly fell in love with the communications major, because their intention is to design intentional messages, no matter what the audience. Because I had to pick that skill up at such an early age, that's what inspired me to pursue communications both in undergrad and grad school.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

It's so interesting to hear you talk about this once more, because I feel like I can understand it a little bit better. Basically, what led you to the communications major after having to advocate for yourself over and over and over again- and continue to having to do so as well now that you're in grad school. I was hoping you could tell us a little bit more- before you talk about navigating grad school with a disability- maybe some of the differences in advocating for yourself in K through 12, versus now that you're in college. Because I am familiar with how you had an IEP before- an individual education plan- and maybe some of your teachers might have had - maybe, I'm making assumptions. Maybe they might have had more training with how to accommodate you. Whereas with college professors, it's unclear what you're going to get. Sometimes, they may have not had this experience before.

Emeline Beltran

Yeah, of course. When I was in first grade, I actually didn't know that I had this vision impairment. But my first grade teacher, she thankfully picked up how I was squinting. Even if I was in the front of the classroom, I couldn't even see the whiteboard. I was leaning too closely into my textbook. So she referred me to a vision specialist. Then once the vision specialist, my teacher and my parents touched base- and at the time, I was still diagnosed with cancer. So my mom touched base with my care team. And it was revealed that I had developed nystagmus. Then I was classified as someone with low vision.

Emeline Beltran

Because I was so young, even I was unaware. And having an IEP, it involves a lot of people. My parents were involved, different teachers- because in middle and high school, that's when you start to have multiple teachers- a vision specialist. And depending on anyone's disability, it could also include a speech therapist- just anyone who sees fit to provide accommodations for the student. When I was younger, I would say that my parents and my teachers, they kind of spoke up more for me based on what they observed.

Emeline Beltran

But as I got older, they did have to ask me more questions like, is this okay? Is this too big? Are you comfortable sitting in this part of the classroom? I noticed as I got older, I had to speak up more and really communicate what I needed. So I would say that was a big difference. But going into college, and even grad school, there are no IEPs. That's when the independence and the advocacy really relies on yourself.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

That's a perfect segue, then, for us to have you talk a little bit more about how you have been navigating graduate school with a disability. Since- like you said- there are no IEPs. Your parents are no longer directly involved, because of HIPAA reasons, and because you're an adult. Tell us a little bit more about what it's been like, especially in light of the pandemic and all the recent instructional changes we've been through as well.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Yeah. I did start my master's program in fall 2020. That was when the pandemic basically started. So when I was confirming my admission to Cal State LA, the first thing I did was immediately enroll in disability services. That way, when classes started, I could notify my professors immediately, like I need accommodations. I need this in the classroom. Just having all of that done online, it was pretty challenging, because one- with my vision disability, I can't be on the screen for too long, because it does strain my eyes. I know it strains everyone's eyes, to be honest.

Emeline Beltran

But just going on the website, doing all the registration online, and not being able to meet the counselors and staff was pretty challenging. Because I feel like when I was able to go into the offices, I was able to develop that connection. But it just ended up being multiple, back to back zoom meetings. That was pretty difficult, and it actually tested my independence more because this was new to me, too. I had to tell my professors like, hey. Typically, if I were in the classroom, I would require sitting in front of the class and having large print textbooks.

Emeline Beltran

But because we're on Zoom, I have to be honest, I don't know what I need right now until something comes up. And along the school year, there were multiple things that came up, where I had to notify my professors and say, This is too small. One of those things was when people shared your screen on Zoom, I would realize, this text is way too small. I cannot see this. Can you email that to me instead? Just everyone was learning as they went, both me and my professors. So that's how myfirst year of grad school went with my accommodations.

Emeline Beltran

Wow, that's quite a year to start grad school- fall 2020. And then you mentioned that you weren't able to meet with people in person like you were used to before. Then on top of that, not being able to be on the screen for too long. I can empathize to the extent that I actually, if I'm on Zoom for too long, not only does it straight up my eyes like everybody else- I have chronic dry eyes, so it definitely strains me. But I am very susceptible to migraines. So being on the screen for too long actually can induce a very bad migraine.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I can only imagine if if that's the only method of communicating with folks, aside from emailing- all of those methods require a screen- just how much it tested you, and like you said, your independence. I'm wondering, though, on the other end of things- it's like you've been doing so much for yourself, advocating for yourself, communicating your needs. It shouldn't just be all about you. What can other people do? So my next question is what can non disabled folks do? What can folks who work with students who may have different - you know, there's so many different types of disabilities. But what can non disabled folks do to better support disabled individuals and students?

Emeline Beltran

Yeah, just speaking for myself, it does mean a lot when someone who is not disabled kind of steps in and says that they want to learn more, and they do want to support. So I would just say, ask all the questions you have. At least for me, I am very open to asking them. I grew up with elementary students, they would make all these assumptions. So I would appreciate more questions, like can you tell me more about what you need? How can I support you? I really appreciate when people do that. Even though it might seem seem uncomfortable, I completely understand. But I promise you that after just this first conversation you have with someone with a disability, every other conversation you have will become easier.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I love that. I love that- just being open to asking questions. Like you said, it can be uncomfortable. A lot of people try to avoid discomfort, which is why they avoid asking questions, or sometimes they avoid individuals if they know that they have a disability. But even asking that question- how can I support you? I'll say from my experience as well, has been really helpful, to have someone not assume but just ask and then offer support.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Now, what advice would you give to other individuals navigating a disability in grad school. I mean, there's so many different types of disabilities. Even on my end, I have a chronic illness. For me, I get sick in the mornings a lot. Most of the time, I'm not feeling great in the mornings. And so one of my accommodations that I have is that I don't have meetings or anything like that in the early mornings, because I'm just not fully functional. I'm wondering, what advice would you give to other individuals who may or may be struggling, or maybe struggling to advocate for themselves or navigating a disability?

Emeline Beltran

Yeah, of course. As kind of cheesy as it sounds, those with disabilities, just do what works for you. Don't take others into consideration to an extent. For my example- similar to yours - I have to be very conscious of how long I have screen time. If I know I have meetings, if I have classes, I block those out. And I have to make sure that I also fit in time to do my readings and do my assignments. That would involve me often starting papers about a month before it's due, just because I know I would have more meetings at the end of the month. There are people out there who would tell me like, oh. You're such an overachiever. It's not due in a month. I'm just gonna pull an all nighter. That doesn't work for me.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I'm laughing, because I can relate to that too.

Emeline Beltran

Yeah, right?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Because people are like- oh, you're so organized. You do everything in advance. I'm like, because if I did an all nighter, I would have flare ups and be sick for days.

Emeline Beltran

Literally me. I was all like, I do an all nighter, it's not gonna look pretty the next day and my eye doctor is not going to be really happy about that. I had to do what works for me.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Exactly.

Emeline Beltran

If anybody tells you otherwise, like- oh, well, I'm gonna pull an all nighter and I'm going to do great. I'm just like good for you. Just set your own boundaries and be very mindful of how you schedule, that best accommodates your disability too. Also communicate that with your professors, because if you communicate to your professors, it makes them more aware of how they can present the material in a way where everyone can understand and it will make them a better professor.

Emeline Beltran

Whether or not you have a documented disability, everybody learns differently- period. So just knowing yourself, and then being open with your professors. And in terms of registering with the disabilities office at your university, know that the office can provide more than just accommodations. They can help you with financial aid, or connect you into your desired career paths. Just really build those connections within the disabilities office, and seeing what more they can offer aside from accommodations, because they are here to support you as a student, and learning doesn't just happen in the classroom. That's not your entire university experience.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

You know, it's interesting that you mentioned that, because I think there is that misconception that you go to the disability services office, and you're only there for accommodation. That's it. There's also that misconception that only certain individuals can go and get accommodations. Whereas, there's a whole wide range of things that you could get accommodations for, based on the way that you learn, based on your abilities, based on whether or not you have mobility aids or anything like that. So I'm really glad that you mentioned that. Can you expand a little bit more, maybe say some of the things that you know from your experience that you've been able to access in terms of resources?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Yeah, of course. When I was in community college- because I did start there before going to Cal State Fullerton- I was under the impression that I was just there for accommodations, because that's how it felt like in K through 12. I only had my IEP for my classroom accommodations. But once I transferred to Cal State Fullerton, I had an orientation with the disabilities office, and they were just promoting all these programs. Like, oh, we have a mentorship program. We have- not financial aid, but they said like, if you enroll with the department of rehab, they can help you with paying for tuition. They had a workability program where they can refer you to a career specialist. And those career specialists help students with disabilities find a job.

Emeline Beltran

So once I transferred to Fullerton, I felt kind of like a weight off my shoulder, because I was being supported beyond the classroom. Because I did have that kind of nervousness, where when I graduate, what's next? Because I'm still going to have that disability, even though I'm not in a classroom. I have it with me in my job in my home life. They provided a lot for me. Even when I graduated college, they referred me to this transportation program, because one of the things I'm unable to do because of my disability, is drive. So they referred me to a program that covers all - they provide free transportation for those with a documented disability. That has been extremely helpful. So yeah, just build those connections and ask what more they have, because they will have resources for you based on your needs.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

That's really helpful, and you're right. Near the end, you mentioned it can be nerve racking, or anxiety inducing, just to think about, okay, well, I'm used to navigating school, you know, K through 12. And now I'm learning how to navigate graduate school. But then there's this whole world outside of that, that it's like, well, what am I going to do after I graduate? How am I still going to be able to make sure that I have the same type of accommodations, or that I'm able to get my needs met after that in whatever job or whatever post-graduation endeavor is next for you?You also have a home life, and a social life and all these things. So I'm glad that you're mentioning that. It's important to tap into the resources and the networks while you have them, because then that will help you kind of navigate the next thing.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I want to go into another question, because you're talking about accessing resources and going to the disability services office, but not everybody chooses to disclose that they have a disability. I've had this question asked to me on more than one occasion, where someone maybe is navigating an invisible disability. They're wondering- I'm being asked in my graduate school applications if I have a disability, should I disclose? Because they're worried that maybe they'll get discriminated against or maybe they'll get treated differently in a negative way. What's your take?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I'll tell you that I usually say it's a personal decision. It's completely up to you. But I tend to lean on the side of you might as well disclose. That way you have access to whatever it is that you need, that way you can better advocate for yourself. Also, it's completely illegal to discriminate. That shouldn't be happening anyway. And if someone is not treating you well, then maybe that's not the place you want to go to. But that's my take. I'm curious what your take on it is.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I completely agree. Something that I like to tell other people is that their reaction is not your fault. I am definitely more on the side of yes, disclose them, and their reaction is just going to reflect on them. It does not reflect on you at all. But I also understand that it takes some time to kind of get on terms and to actually have those words come out of your mouth or on your paper. Like, hi, I have a disability. I totally understand that's challenging. So I would say that if you're kind of in the process where you want to, but you're very hesitant, I think just establishing your support system in helping you get ready for that

Emeline Beltran

Let's say you're an undergrad right now, and you are in this position. I would say you can reach out to the ones who are writing your letters of rec, or even your primary physician, and saying, hey, I'm applying to grad school. I'm in a position where I have to disclose my disability, and I need your support in my application. I think that can really strengthen just the way that you approach yourself in your application. And also, it will kind of inform the admissions committee in the program that you're applying for- this person needs our support. This disability is not a reflection of their accomplishments, their GPA and such. I do encourage you to get on your own terms at first, and know that you are not alone. So find your support system. But once you do kind of overcome that process of disclosing your disability, it's off your hands at that point and how they react is more a reflection of them.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

You know, this is bringing me back to this conversation earlier about starting grad school and navigating grad school during a pandemic. And also kind of disclosing and sharing about this early on to your professors, especially at the beginning, before you even need something to come up where you need to request support. You mentioned this- well, one, their reaction is not your fault. Definitely. Don't take it personal at all. But also this question of documentation versus whether or not you need it, because I think it's useful to mention it at the beginning of the semester or the quarter, and see what your professor's policy is on it.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Because some professors are going to say I need documentation. I need proof. You need to register with this office. Others might say, I don't need you to. Just let me know what you need, and I will I will accommodate you. So I think that's helpful to know. Like one- who are you working with and what's their own internal policy on it? And then two, don't be afraid- like you said, I want to echo what you said- to build your support system and to have- whether it could be a medical doctor. It could be a specialist. It could even be a therapist.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I've seen and even in my own personal experience, I've had a wide range of different medical professionals who have written letters to advocate, to prove- because sometimes people don't believe you, if you tell them that you have a disability, especially if it's an invisible disability- to prove that you have these needs. It's unfortunate that you have to, in some occasions, prove that and have documentation, but it is helpful to have it when you need it. We're getting close to wrapping up, and I wanted to ask you if there's anything else that you wanted to share on the topic or that has come up for you in having this conversation.

Emeline Beltran

I think I just want to reiterate what you had mentioned earlier about having an invisible disability. I have to admit that I would consider my visual impairment invisible, because if someone needs me, they don't see in face value that I have a disability. I mean until they look close enough into my pupils, but that's very rare.

Emeline Beltran

I'm laughing because I'm like, if I were to meet you in person, I don't think I would look at anybody that closely.

Emeline Beltran

When people tell me that, I'm just like, why are you looking at my pupils? That's a little close.

Emeline Beltran

I know.

Emeline Beltran

But, yeah, I've had people tell me like, I've never been evaluated, or I've never been officially diagnosed for certain conditions- like ADHD. But I notice that when this happens, I feel this way. And I understand that also access to health care can be a barrier. So just kind of having those open conversations with professors, and just expressing more of what you need. They are going to kind of rely on you and ask you like, how can I support you? I remember the difference between K through 12, and college and grad school, is that in K through 12, teachers are more observant. They would kind of task themselves and be like, oh, is this too small? Or is this good if you sit here?

Emeline Beltran

But professors tend to leave you at like, okay, what do you need for me? Then that's on you to be more detailed and disclose what you need. As I mentioned- and I'm not even just quoting myself, I'm quoting my professor- that everyone learns differently, period, whether or not you have a disability. If you just have that conversation with your professor, it will help them improve their classes and improve the way they teach, and realize that there is more than one way to teach and disseminate anything on their curriculum, because information should be accessible. It is not the professor's role to be a gatekeeper of materials. I understand that not all professors are in this open, but that's why you just have to keep speaking up for yourself and having a stable support system to help you with that, too.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

You know, it's hard. It's hard to do this work, because like you said, first of all, you have to have access to health care or to the resources. Which is why I mean- I think we're speaking to students, and a lot of times, once you're in college, you're required to have healthcare, so you do have access to certain resources. But then it takes time to schedule the appointments, to meet with the specialists, to get the documentation, to get registered. Then sometimes, like you said, students don't even know what it is that they are struggling with. They just know that something's there, but they don't know what it is. They can't really identify it or name it. And I've witnessed students wait until it gets really bad, and they're really struggling with their education and their classes to then finally go and make the appointments and get assessed. Then by the time they get the documentation it's the end of the term.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So I feel like the earlier folks can do it and can start to advocate for themselves, if they're just starting grad school, or if they're freshman, sophomore year in undergrad. Just the earlier on you do it- it doesn't hurt. I feel like it doesn't hurt to get assessed, and it doesn't hurt to meet with your doctors and make sure everything you know is okay. But yeah, I appreciate what you what you said about that, that there are these barriers and these hurdles.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But definitely, don't feel discouraged, especially while you're still a student and you still have access to those resources. Well, I think to wrap things up- unless there's anything else that came up for you- I wanted to ask, how can other individuals contact you, if they felt that they listened to this podcast, and they resonated with what you said, or they found the information really helpful and they want to reach out to you, thank you. What's the best way to reach you?

Emeline Beltran

No problem. You can reach out to me on either instagram or twitter. They're the same handle. And that's Embeeeze. You can reach out to me there.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Well, I appreciate you so much.

Emeline Beltran

Thank you, I appreciate you too.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I'm so glad that you were willing to do this once more, and to have this really important conversation. When you reached out to me, I was so excited- I'm not gonna lie- because it's one thing for me to talk about. It's another thing for someone else. I always find that having guest speakers helps with reiterating and also uncovering kind of new levels of whatever topic and conversations that we're having. So it means a lot to me. I appreciate you and your time, and hope that we can be in touch Emeline.

Emeline Beltran

No problem. Yes, this is definitely not our last conversation. I definitely look forward to just connecting with you more. And to anyone listening, thank you so much.