53: Declining an Offer

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Hi everyone, I am recording a quick episode that was requested to me by a student. It's based on a topic that has come up for me more than once, quite a few times. Either students or listeners have reached out to meet to say that they need some assistance with declining an offer. Yes, this is a problem. It's a good problem to have, but it's a problem, especially when you're first gen and this is your first time navigating an awkward situation like this. You're probably wondering, how do I write my email letting a program know that I don't want to go there, or that maybe your circumstances changed? Maybe you found out about the program, and they're not giving you the funding that you want. It's giving you a weird vibe. It just doesn't seem like the right fit for you, and you know for sure that you're not going to go there. How do you write that email?

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Well, before I give you some tips and some suggestions on actually crafting the email, please make sure that you are certain that you no longer want to have this program as an option for you. If you know that you definitely are not going to go there for a number of reasons- maybe it's not a good fit, maybe you for sure don't want to move there. Maybe they're not giving you funding, and that's an really important thing for you. And you don't need them in any way, shape, or form to leverage when it comes to negotiating other offers. Sometimes, maybe you know for sure, you're not going to go to say, Ohio State University, but you'd like to have that offer from Ohio State to compete with say, Rutgers. So you got an offer from Ohio State, you got an offer from Rutgers. Rutgers is giving you a funding package that's competitive, but Ohio State's offering you a better package. Then maybe you could say, send the grad school offer to Rutgers. Ask them if they can match Ohio State's offer and negotiate that way. You can always negotiate with the offers that you have, so long as they're still viable. That's why I want to make sure that you know you're definitely not going to go here, and you definitely don't need this award letter to help you leverage your negotiation process.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So if for sure you're not going to go, you're ready to send that email, then take some notes. Here is my general suggestion for how to professionally, diplomatically, collegially decline an offer. It's a three part process, at least that's just my own preference. Obviously, this is just my own advice. There are a number of different ways you can do this. It's really up to you- how comfortable you feel, how much or how little you want to share when you decline their offer. But I like to do it where you include these three components.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

One is you- in the email, you acknowledge their offer. The second part is, obviously you let them know that you're turning them down. And the third part is, you kind of close it by expressing your gratitude, by wishing them well and remaining collegial. Okay, so three part process. What does that actually sound like when you're typing up the email? It can sound like one of a number of things. Again, write it in your own words. You want to make sure everything you're saying is truthful.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

But here are some suggestions. You can thank them for their offer. Thank you so much for the offer. Thanks so much for your generosity. Thanks so much for providing me with this opportunity. Thank you so much for the opportunity to interview with you, or it was really wonderful getting a chance to meet you and learn more about the program. Basically anything where you're acknowledging them, their offer, their time, etc.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Now the next part in that email, again, this email doesn't have to be long. You don't have to tell them the many reasons why you're turning them down. I mean, you don't even have to give them any reason why you're turning them down. You just have to let them know you're turning them down. For the next part, when you're letting them know you're turning them down, you can say- it just depends on how forthcoming, how blunt and comfortable you are with being that way. You can say I wanted to inform you that I am withdrawing my application for this program. Straightforward, to the point. You can say, after careful consideration, or after careful reflection, I have decided to pursue graduate school elsewhere. This is if you want to let them know that you're turning them down because you're going somewhere else. And you are not obligated to tell them where you're going either. You can also say something like, I have accepted an offer with a program that more closely aligns with my research and professional interests. Again, only if this is true. If you haven't accepted, you can say, I will be pursuing an offer with a program that more closely aligns with my interests.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

You can say- unfortunately, due to a change in my circumstances, I have decided to decline this offer. That's very broad. It doesn't quite tell them that you're going elsewhere. It just says there's a change in your circumstances. That could mean a number of things- that can mean you're going somewhere else, that could mean you've got some personal circumstances going on at home that makes it that you can't go to grad school at all. So if you don't feel comfortable with them knowing that you're going to another program, you can say that there was a change in your circumstances. That is still technically true. Another thing you could say is, this program is no longer a good fit for me at this time, and therefore I must kindly decline this offer.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Again, there are multiple ways that you can say this, but the point is, just tell them you are declining their offer, you are turning them down. You are not pursuing graduate school there. You are pursuing a grad school elsewhere, if you choose to let them know that information. Then the last line- so three parts, like I said- acknowledge their offer, let them know you're turning them down, and then express your gratitude, wish them well, remain collegial. How do you do that? You thank them again. So again, I want to thank you for this opportunity. I hope that we can remain in touch. I hope that we can run into each other at a future conference. I hope that we can collaborate in the near future. I look forward to being in touch with you as I progress in my career. I look forward to this or this or this.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Basically, you want to remain collegial because these are individuals that you might run into actually at conferences. Especially if they're doing work that's similar to yours, there's a good chance you're gonna keep running into them. There's a good chance that you might be on some sort of anthology together. You're writing, submitting to similar journals, submitting to similar conferences, submitting to similar events. Don't be surprised if you see them again. That's why it's nice to not burn bridges, instead to build them. And then it's okay to continue to be in touch with them. Even if you've said no to them, who knows.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Sometimes, what happens is you turn someone down for grad school, then you end up going to get your PhD somewhere else. Then you end up applying to that same place that you turned down later on for a job. You never really know. I actually had a student recently who applied to a bunch of summer programs, and then ended up turning down- I'll mention the school and then he's gonna know I'm talking about him. This student applied to a bunch of summer programs. One of them was- he got admitted to go to Dartmouth for a summer program, and he turned them down so that he could go elsewhere.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Then he ended up applying to grad school and got into Dartmouth, and Dartmouth was one of his top choices. And he felt uncomfortable because he was thinking, well, they're going to remember that I turned them down for the summer program. Are they still going to want me to go there? Are they going to think that I'm going to turn them down again? And I told him, no, it's okay. They still are interested in you. They saw that you accepted this other opportunity because it was a really good experience for you, and now you're an even stronger candidate. And that is what happened. He ended up actually going to Dartmouth.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So it's really funny how these things work out. Definitely try not to close doors, if you don't have to. I think that's all I want to say about declining offers. I really wanted to give you a very- I'm all about giving you a hands on approach to doing things. Actually, I like giving people templates, samples, just because I know I'm a visual learner. I know I learn by seeing how other people do things. Sometimes just giving vague, general advice doesn't quite work for me. I don't know if it's because I'm also a first gen individual, but it's always helpful for me to see and hear. Like, how do you actually word these things, phrase these things? I hope you found that helpful, and I'll talk to you all next time.