44: Navigating Grad School During the Holidays

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Hi everyone. Today I'm going to be recording a short episode. Today's episode is on navigating graduate school during the holidays. I am addressing this because by the time this is published, it should be sometime in December. You're probably thinking about the holiday break, whether or not you're going to take a break. Even though it's about navigating grad school during the holidays, I do think it can also apply to undergraduates who are trying to figure out whether or not they should take a full on break during the holidays, or if they should continue with the work that they may be doing, whether that's research work, or if they have an actual employment job, whether or not they want to take time off. Take this episode, whatever is useful for you, whatever is applicable for you. But I will be focusing more on the grad student experience.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Okay, before I start, I want to kind of just think through why it's so hard to navigate the holidays as a grad student. I recall being a grad student, and sometimes I would dread the holidays, just because it was just so hard to take time off. I experienced guilt on both ends, guilt because I felt like I had to get work done, guilt because I felt like I had to be there for family, guilt because I felt like I had to make time to hang out with friends. And no matter what, I didn't have enough time for any of them. But it wasn't just that. I think there are bigger reasons why it can be a real challenge to go through the holidays as a grad student.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

The main thing, the big thing is the culture of academia. Academia does not prioritize rest. Academia does not encourage taking time off. Instead, the culture values capitalism. It values work. It values exploitation. So you're encouraged to be working at all times, no matter what is going on in your life. And that's really problematic, because that leads to burnout and exhaustion, and all these other things that are not good for you. So the culture of academia isn't that great. There's also a lot of ambiguity when it comes to the actual policies. As a grad student, you're not really treated like an employee in the way that full time staff members are. If you're a full time staff member, you know how much vacation and sick time you have. You know that you're entitled to using that time, and a lot of people use that time during the holidays, during the last two weeks of December, so that they can get the Christmas time off, or the New Year time off, or in any other holiday that you celebrate, to take that time off. But with grad students, the vacation policies differ across the board. You really have to take a look at your university and your department to see what are you legally entitled to in terms of taking time off per year.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

But then even with the policy, a lot of times, departments shy away from ever talking to you about their policies, because it's not normalized for grad students to take time off, ever. Even if there's a policy, because the culture doesn't encourage you to take that time off, very few people would even try to advocate for themselves to get the time that they need and deserve, that they've earned. At the end of the day, it's not just about the university policies. A lot of times it's about your departmental culture and especially it has to do with your advisor's take on it, because the relationship that you develop with your advisor is one of the most important relationships that you can have. They are the gatekeepers. They are the ones that will be able to kind of give you the okay.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

I do think it's important to learn to advocate for yourself and to say no, I'm not going to ask for time off. I'm going to announce that I'm taking time off, and if you feel comfortable doing so, you definitely are entitled to do that. I know that when I was a grad student, especially my first few years, I did not have the confidence or the courage or the self compassion to advocate for myself. So I did feel like I had to ask to take time off, and even then I would feel guilty and afraid to ask for time off. I felt like I always had to be on and I always had to put on this front that I was always working to make it seem like I was a good grad student. I don't encourage that. I wish someone would have given me a kind of pep talk hat would tell me like, no. You're worth more than your productivity. You've internalized capitalism. You are feeling guilty for resting, because they're making you feel guilty for resting, but you are entitled to rest. You're entitled to take time off to do things that you enjoy that aren't necessarily work related. Yeah, I didn't have that. I think these are some of the reasons why it's really hard to navigate the holidays. It's the culture, it's ambiguity. It's this internalized feeling of capitalism, and we have to work really hard to push against that, to resist it, so that we can take care of ourselves.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

How do you actually do that? What are some ways that you can navigate the holidays, so that you can actually enjoy yourself and not feel guilty about it? I'm a big advocate of getting organized. I'm a big fan of making a plan. So I would say before deciding whether or not you're going to take a break, you want to know- let's say you're deciding, yes, I'm gonna go on a break. I'm going to take the last two weeks of December off. You need a plan. So that way, if there are things that come up in January, or maybe even things that are due end of December. Sometimes you have deadlines. It could be a course paper. It could be fellowship applications. It could be a number of things- having to having to write letters of rec for student. Whatever it is that is due in December or in January, all those things can get in the way of you taking a break. But if you plan in advance, you can actually get those things done early. That's one thing that I did do, and that I continue to do to this day, is I try to make it so that everything that's on my plate that's due between mid December, and the first week of January, that I get it done by early December, so that I don't have to worry about it. Then the other thing is, aside from kind of making a plan, getting organized with your calendar, making sure that nothing that's due during the time that you have a break gets in the way, that you get it done early.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

I also think you have to take a look at and decide when you're taking a break, are you actually going to go back home or are you going to stay where you currently are? Because for a lot of you, home is actually a different state or home requires some sort of travel. That's another thing that stresses grad students out a lot during the holidays is finances, because you're living at or below the poverty line. A lot of times you're not getting paid during the break. Even though you're expected to get work done, you're not getting paid. Then on top of that, you have to pay for a flight. You have to pay for a train. You have to pay for gas. Whatever method that you're traveling to get to your family members, that is money. Then of course, depending on the holiday that you celebrate, there may be this obligation of gift giving or obligation of paying for meals and all of that are expenses that add up, that are not your usual expenses. That can be very stressful.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So you need to account for these hidden expenses as you're doing your planning, as you're getting organized. You need to figure out can you actually afford to travel back home? And if not, then maybe this is the year that you don't visit family. I know that now with the pandemic, there are not going to be a lot of big gatherings. I don't encourage big gatherings. Wear your mask, socially distance and just be careful. But if you want to prioritize being with your immediate family or whoever your loved ones are in a safe way, make sure that you've accounted for. Make sure that you are thinking about your finances, and that you don't overly stress yourself out because of that. I know that was another thing that would make me not enjoy the holidays as much. I'd be constantly thinking about money in the back of my head. Every time I'd go out, I'd be thinking, oh. That's another thing on my checking account. Well, that's another thing. And I could just picture the amount that I had in my bank account, getting lower and lower and lower and getting anxious of like, what if I run out of money? What if I can't pay my bills next month? Plan for it so that you're not stressing yourself out, so that when you are doing things, you are traveling, you are going out, you are getting gifts, you can do it without feeling bad about it, or without feeling stressed about it.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Now I'm gonna mention something else, that not everybody's a fan of, but that can be helpful if you're planning to be away, if you're planning to take time off. This is adding an away message in your email inbox. Not everybody is a fan of this. I remember when I started using away messages, one of my professors told me oh. I noticed you have an away message. I don't know if you really want to have it, because now other people are gonna see that you're taking time off, and they're gonna think that you're not working hard enough. They may look down on you for it. And yes, that could be true. Some people are not fans of away messages. But it's completely up to you and your comfort level.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

I am now a fan of away messages. At this point- I think it's because I've reached a point in my career where I feel comfortable. I don't blame you if you don't feel comfortable using away messages. But at this point, I don't care if other people think that I'm not working hard enough. I know that I get my work done, and I think that the people close to me know that I get my work done. So if I'm going to take time off, I'm going to take time off, and I'm going to get everything that I used to get them beforehand. If you are like that too, then go ahead and put your away message. I do think that they're helpful, because then you can say in the away message, that you're away for the holidays, and that you'll be checking email intermittently, and to please expect that there may be a delay. That's all it says. It doesn't mean I'm going to ignore you for the two weeks, three weeks that I'm taking off. It just means I may take longer than usual, that you may take a few days. That way you don't feel like you have to be checking your emails 24/7, because then you can't really even enjoy your break if you're constantly checking your email. So if you are comfortable, go ahead and consider using an away message.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Now to get to something that's even more important. I think the most important thing you need to do, aside from getting organized and making a plan, is communicate. Oh my gosh, communicate with those that need to hear about your plans and your expectations. Who are the people you need to communicate with? You to communicate with your advisor. You need to communicate with your family, or your partner or whoever it is who's at home with you. You need to communicate with your friends, or anybody else who wants to see you during the so called holiday break. What is it that you need to communicate with them about?

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

With your advisor, you'll want to let them know what it is that you're working on right now, or what are some of the things and tasks you plan to complete in advance. You want to let them know, I do plan to take time off and to prepare for taking that time off, these are the things that I'm going to do beforehand. That way, they can't really reprimand you because you're prepared. You're organizing yourself. Anything that you would have done during the break, you're front loading. It's okay to front load work. Your advisor just needs to know that you're not going to fall behind, and that's it.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

As for your friends, your family, your partner, your loved ones, what do they need to know? I do think it's important to give them a heads up and let them know. If you're still going to be doing some work during the holidays, when are you going to be working? Are you going to have certain days and times that you're going to be working? What they really want to know is when are you free? When will you be visiting? When will you be physically there? And when during your visit can they actually make plans with you? So if you are going to do some work, maybe set some scheduled hours and say oh yeah. I'm going to be working Mondays through Wednesdays from 10am to 3pm, but I can hang out after that. Or I can hang out on Fridays or the weekends or whatever it is. Just you figure out whatever your times are, and communicate with the folks that really want to see you and hang out with you.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Also, if you plan to get work done during the holidays, make sure you're not overestimating how much you can get done. This often happens, where you will try to get a certain amount of work done. You say, oh. I'm going to write a full chapter of a dissertation during my break, because I'm gonna have all this extra writing time. That is not realistic. You want to set realistic, small, manageable goals. Otherwise, time is gonna pass. You're not gonna get as much done and then you're gonna end the holidays feeling disappointed, because you didn't get enough done. And then frustrated because you didn't get to enjoy your time off due to the guilt of not getting enough done. You want to try to avoid that. You want to set manageable, realistic, feasible goals.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Then also, I do want to say that in some cases, it may be necessary to take a full winter break off from work. Whatever that break is for you in your calendar year, it could be two weeks, three weeks, even a month off. If you are planning to do this, definitely, definitely communicate with your advisor about it. You don't want to catch them off guard and then just go missing for two weeks to a month. It is okay to advocate for yourself. It is okay to take time off for your physical, mental and spiritual health. No one's going to do it for you. No one's going to encourage you to do so. Speak up if you feel like you're at that point where you really need a longer break. Better to take a break during break time, during the time in the calendar year where most other people are also taking breaks, then to not take a break at all. Then you burn out and you have to take a longer break, or take a leave of absence later on. I think that's everything I have to say about navigating the holidays as a grad student. I hope it helps, and thank you for listening.