36: Creating a Calming Toolkit for Managing the Fall

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

All right. Today, I am testing some other headphones, working in a different workspace. My partner and son are playing video games in the background, so hopefully you don't hear them. But we will see, that's why I'm testing this out today. I wanted to record on calming activities, because the Fall term has started or is starting for you and it can induce a lot of stress and anxiety on many of us. I know that the fall- not just if you're returning to school or to the university system as a student, but just in general, the fall is inducing a lot of stress and anxiety because of a number of reasons. For many of us, it feels like the world is falling apart. We've got the ongoing pandemic. We've got the rise of the flu season, which is only going to complicate things with the pandemic. Then of course, we have the political election, which is a big concern for a lot of us in terms of where our future is going to lie, and how our circumstances are going to be affected by whoever is elected into office. Even just talking about all these things, I already feel like my blood pressure is going up. I'm starting to feel a little anxious myself.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

And actually, this week, I happened to run into some calming activities because I participated in a parenting retreat. One of the things that that retreat included was some kind of resources, and one of the resources that was offered came from this Wholehearted School Counseling website. I was very excited to check out there calm kids activity book, and I found myself thinking, oh my gosh. These activities, calming activities are supposed to be for kids, but actually, they're really good for adults as well. And I've actually found that in my learning of parenting resources, I've been able to kind of reparent myself, and that has been a healing process for me. I think a lot of these conversations about destressing, calming oneself, helping to regulate oneself, are really useful in any setting. We all get stressed. We all feel anxiety at some point, and we all can benefit from adding more activities to our toolbox to help us ground ourselves and be more mindful and live more in the moment when things are getting really hard.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Let's talk about some tools that we can add in our tool list. One of the things that my son and I often kind of refer back to whenever we need to just kind of tune out is we draw or color. Specifically, he draws and I color. I don't self identify as an artist, so I don't always feel comfortable drawing. But I definitely love coloring and I have a bunch of adult coloring books that I haven't completed, but that you know, a few pages have been filled in in each. So I really enjoy coloring, and with him, when he's drawing, I ask him, is there a way that you can draw something that describes how you feel? Or draw something of something you are looking forward to doing? Or draw something that you think will make someone else smile, make a drawing for someone else. Which is always nice to be able to offer something and giving something- that's actually one. I've read somewhere that the act of giving or doing something for someone else can actually help your own mental health and your mood. Doodling, scribbling, I know some of us do that even as we're note taking and as we're listening. Scribbling, doodling kind of helps you to focus a little better. That's one avenue, if that works for you. Draw or color. There are so many free printable coloring pages you can check out online and you can buy a box of markers. I've seen them at the dollar store. I've seen them for 99 cents at Target and other stores. So it's a relatively inexpensive thing to do to de stress and to calm yourself down.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

The next thing has to do with movement and exercise. That is a natural kind of antidepressant, getting your body to move, getting your body to stretch, maybe even doing yoga, if you're open to that. For kids, it's one thing that's often recommended is to have them get all their energy out. So you ask them to run, to do some laps, or to do jumping jacks, or to do squats. If you are very high energy, that may work for you as well. I'm not very high energy, so you probably won't find me doing jumping jacks. Maybe squats- not right now, because I'm pregnant- ut maybe later on. I might do squats but no jumping jacks for me. Another thing that a lot of us, everybody actually, most of us can do is go on a walk. Even if you're not able bodied, going out - the act of going outside of your home, and being out getting some vitamin D, being out in nature can help. Even for me, I have issues with being out in the sun. I actually get headaches or migraines if I'm out in the sun, and have direct sunlight hit my face. So I often have to go out and wear a hat of some sore or a cap, so that way I don't get headaches. But even acknowledging that is one of my own kind of like limitations, and even now that I'm getting bigger, and I'm in my third trimester, getting closer to giving birth, I'm not able to move my body in the same ways. I get tired a lot more quickly, but still going out, taking a walk, being out in the sun even if it's a five minute walk, even if I have to wear a hat. It still helps with calming me down, with grounding me, with improving my mood.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So going on a short walk, doing yoga, or playing sports if you can, if you have access to that. I know a lot of playgrounds are closed right now, but they're not all closed. And there may be some sports that you can play on your own that's either in your home or in your community. Then with yoga, there are a lot of free yoga videos, and there's yoga for every level. If you're a beginner, there are some really kind of low impact yoga exercises you can try out for free on YouTube and other websites. They're also moving games. I'm trying to think about family based games like musical chairs or playing tag. Again, I'm thinking about when you're with kids, but a lot of times I really do think that kids kind of remind us what works best for our bodies. Kids move, kids play, kids take naps, kids eat throughout the day, lots of snacking. Those are all very healthy things to do. Unfortunately, as we become adults, we kind of stray away from those things, from the stretching, from the napping, from the moving. If we were to revert back to that, it's actually a very healthy thing to do. So don't forget to stretch, to move, to go on walks.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Another thing that I want to mention- and actually, I feel like you may notice I get out of breath more easily. Again, it's related to the pregnancy. But right now I feel like I'm self conscious and running out of breath, because I'm going to talk about breathing exercises. I will admit meditation and breathing exercises, those are hard things for me to do. I've always felt a little silly practicing them. Or sometimes feeling like, do I really have time for this? But no, breathing exercises are really good and meditation apps are also really helpful. I am fond of the -they changed their name. It was called stop, breathe, think app. I have to pull it up to see what it's called now. The calm app- I know that the comm app actually provides free memberships to certain individuals affiliated with certain institutions. Like one of my friends, she's a grad at USC and so she gets membership in the Calm app for free. A lot of these actually, even if they have paid options, they also have free options. So which one is the one? Oh, it's called My Life. It used to be called stop, breath, think. Now it's called the My Life app. That one's my personal favorite. I may have mentioned this before in other kinds of stress management conversations, but I can't stress it enough. Check out some of these apps like headspace. I think there might be one called liberate. I use My Life a lot and I've used it for so long. I used the free version for so many years, that they actually gave me the premium version for free. I didn't pay a single cent and then before I knew it, they were like, anniversary- for being with us for so long, getting free premium membership. So I'm not sure what the limited options are, but I really love that they have themes. They have guided meditations to calm yourself when you're feeling Coronavirus anxiety, they've got stuff for youth of color, for Latinx youth, for Black youth for just kids in general, for sleepin, for anxiety, for focus. They even have pet meditations. I haven't checked them out, so I don't know. For ADHD, for body positivity, for building resilience, oh my gosh, I could go on. For pregnancy- I've actually checked those out. That's been nice. Acupressure videos, they have yoga videos. That one's my favorite, just because I've gotten to know it and I really like all the different options. So there's that.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Then also there are general breathing exercises you can try out or without even having to rely on apps or your phone. For instance, this calm activity book that I got for my son has a couple of options. They have a bubble breath exercise, a roller coaster breathing exercise, hummingbird breathing, elevator breathing, the list goes on and on. And they actually give you videos where they show you. There's an animation that shows you how to do those breathing exercises. So those are really nice. If you just Google kids breathing exercises, you will likely come up with a couple of these, especially the belly breathing. That one's really common. But that works for adults as well.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Then of course, kind of shifting gears to another thing you can try out for calming yourself is focusing on gratitude and establishing a gratitude practice. I've heard this over and over again from my therapist, or from therapists' podcasts that I listen to. Just when it comes to managing depression and anxiety, one of the things that helps a lot is not just being grateful, but having a daily gratitude practice and making it part of your routine. Whether that's saying grace before you eat something, or first thing in the morning writing the three things that you're grateful for, or I don't know. I used to do this when I was in grad school, I had a gratitude list, a Google Doc that I shared with a friend. We made it a habit that every day we would write down three things we were grateful for, and we would write on the same Google Docs. It was really nice, because the next day I would go in and I could read the things that she was grateful for from the day before. Then some of those would give me ideas. I'm like, oh, I really like that. She said she's grateful for this, I hadn't thought about that. I'm grateful for that, too. So having a great gratitude practice.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

If you don't feel like you can commit to a gratitude practice, simply start by listing the things that you're grateful for. Sending a message to someone you love reminding yourself of your strengths, that can also remind you of what you should be grateful for because we all do have our own strengths. Trying to focus on the bright side of things. I don't mean completely being blindly positive or toxically positive. I don't believe in that. I mean, sometimes you feel down when you feel down and it's really hard to see the bright side of things, like come on. If you're going through grief, if you are going through a loss, it's really hard to see the bright side of it. So I don't mean that. But I mean, in other instances, maybe you are struggling with your budget, but you're reminding yourself at least I have a roof over my head, at least I can feed myself, at least I have running water. Those types of things can help. At least, I still have my loved ones, here with me alive and well. At least I have my health, if that's something you feel like you have. So just reminding yourself of what you do have, and also reminding yourself, again, like I said, reminding yourself of your strengths.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So what are my strengths? I think now that I'm quizzing myself, I'm like, what are my strengths? I think for me, I've been taking a lot of time to try to learn to be more compassionate both toward others and toward myself. I think the fact that I'm a very sensitive individual is actually a strength, because I can empathize with a lot of individuals. I think that allows me to be a better listener, and hopefully provide decent advice when asked for it. What else is a strength of mine? I am a very organized, punctual person. Some people like to say I'm type A, and I guess I am. I'm a Virgo- my birthday is coming up- so I can't help but be that way. But I think that being organized, I used to be very self conscious of it because at one point, I realized that most people weren't like that. Most people didn't have control issues like I did. But now I see it as a strength, and I share my organizational tips with others when they ask. What's another one of my strengths? So the empathy, the organizing, just being resourceful and helpful, and being in service of others. I think that's another strength of mine. I actually really enjoy helping people. It brings me a lot of joy. I don't like to just think of myself, and what my needs are. I'm very conscientious of kind of the space that I'm in and the people I'm around and I try my best to be considerate, but also find a balance, you know, not be too much of a people pleaser, either. But yes, helping others is one of my strengths and I'm grateful that I have a job where that is the priority. My priority is to help my students, just like with the podcast, my priority is to help my listeners and to be of service and helpful to you.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Alright, so what else when it comes to focusing on the good, focusing on the things that you can control. There is a lot that is out of our control, just in the world right now. But what are things that you can control? If you're dealing with Coronavirus anxiety, what can you control? You can control when and how often you leave your home. You can control wearing a mask every time you go out. You can control kind of keeping your distance from individuals. Those are things you can control. Maybe you can't control the individuals who are in your household, and what they do and who they go out with. Maybe you can't control expectations at work, if you're required to work outside of the home. But there's always something that you can control with your current situation to help you with managing your anxiety and helping you calm down.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

All right, so going back to what I mentioned earlier about moving. Another thing that helps a lot of individuals- not everyone, but a lot of individuals- is taking time to connect with nature if you can. And by that I mean you can take a walk somewhere that's specifically outdoors. If there's a park nearby, or a hiking trail nearby. Like with kids, they love doing treasure hunts and I know the adult version of treasure hunts can be geocaching apps where you're trying to find things out there, or even that Pokemon game - pokemon go. I don't know what it's called, where you're trying to look for Pokemon, and itt forces you to go outside. Literally watching the clouds- I know that may sound weird, but that can be really calming, watching clouds as they move. If you have the privilege of having a beautiful day where you can see the clouds, that's a nice thing to do. And there are some cases where you can't leave your home, or where you don't have access to nature close by. If that's the case, actually imagining or drawing out a peaceful place, visualizing it, that can help. Or listening to ocean waves, like finding a video online or some sort of audio file online that's free where you can listen to ocean waves, and even doing your breathing in a way that mirrors ocean waves can help. Then playing outside. A lot of us, most of us can go outside, even if you live in a small space, if you live in a major city and don't have a lot of nature outside. You can still play outside. And I say that as someone who doesn't have a backyard. I don't have a front yard, but yet we still go outside on the sidewalk and hang out.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Then another thing you can do to calm yourself is finding someone to talk to about it. And sometimes that someone is yourself. Using "I" statements to talk about how you're feeling, that can help. Articulating what you need- this one's a big one, because if you are a person who is of service to others, if you like to help out others, it can be hard to ask for help. First thing, iit's hard to acknowledge what you need, and then second thing, it's hard to then ask for it. So trying your best to make it a goal to ask for what you need from those around you, from your loved ones, can help. Talking to someone, like even just venting to someone, a loved one someone you trust- friend, family, whoever that is, partner, even your pet. Just talking to someone, letting it out, that can help. Sometimes you don't have someone, but you may have a therapist, and then that's the person you talk to. Actually, for me, it is my therapist, because I struggle to completely reach out for help with my own friends and family. Even with my own loved one, I feel like oh, I'm going to overwhelm them. I'm going to unload on them. So instead, I do it with my therapist. That doesn't mean I don't ever talk to friends and family. I do, but I don't do it as regularly as with my therapist. Then being willing to talk things out to resolve conflicts- that one's hard. That means acknowledging that there's something that is bothering you, and being willing to face that individual and talk it out and do it in a calm way so that you can find- the focus is finding the resolution, not placing blame. That can help calm you down, because obviously if you're going through conflict, you can try a million things but if that conflict isn't resolved, you're still gonna not be calm.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Then, if there's no one to talk to, or you don't feel comfortable yet talking about whatever it is that is getting in the way of you feeling calm, whatever stressing you out, whatever is making you anxious, whatever is making you depressed. You could also always journal or write a letter. Sometimes you can write a letter to an individual, without ever having to send it to them. Just the act of writing it out and articulating it can be very helpful. So writing your thoughts, writing out your feelings, writing out your hopes, writing out your goals, writing out your wishes, writing out your dreams, writing out potential options for solutions. Writing a letter where you're thanking someone, writing a letter where you're apologizing to someone, writing a letter where you are acknowledging someone who you love or who you miss. There's so many ways to write letters that can be helpful. And oh my gosh, there's so much to try out.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Another thing you can try out for calming yourself is, like I said earlier, when you do something for someone else, oftentimes it can help improve your mood. So doing something kind or helpful can help. For me, just the mere act of sitting down and doing my job, and meeting with students, a lot of times that helps me to feel better. Doing something kind for someone else, making plans to help others- you know, can you go deliver groceries for someone? Can you, I don't know, send someone - like in my case, I'm about to have a baby. A lot of people are sending me gifts, and that's really nice of them to do that, or sending me gift cards, or sending me food. Those are nice things that they're doing, and hopefully, it's helping them too with their mood. Doing something to take care of the earth. Are you gonna go out and clean up, or you are gonna water some plants in the community? What can you do in that sense? Then if you don't feel like doing any of those things, one thing you can always do is compliment someone. That's always really nice. I get a lot of compliments for my earrings, or my lip color when on Zoom, because I've been experimenting with lipstick just for fun. And it's so sweet and so nice when people compliment you. So just reminding yourself to compliment others- but obviously, genuine compliments. Don't just do it just to do it, and it's not genuine.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Then with your own self, practicing positive self talk. This may sound silly. Again, for me, it feels very silly to practice affirmations. But the more you do it over time, it will feel a little less silly, and you'll actually start to believe those affirmations. So figure out, what are affirmations that work for you? Or coping statements- statements that will help you manage your depression, or your anxiety, or your stress. Some people like to have something actually on their body to remind them of their own strengths or how to cope. Some folks literally tattoo messages on themselves, like on their wrist or somewhere where they can see it, reminding them to be strong or resilient, or whatever it is. Or having a bracelet or a necklace, or something meaningful to you that gives you strength.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Then, when in doubt, if you're feeling super stressed, or you're really struggling with your emotions, it's always good to take a break. That means, you could be working with a Pomodoro timer, working 25 minutes, taking five minute breaks after every 25 minutes. After three 25 minute sessions, taking a longer break of fifteen to twenty minutes. You could do that, or you could just work for an extended chunk of time and then give yourself a long lunch break or a longer break to go take a walk or get a drink of water. Take a movement break. Or even if you don't have time, and you're in a time crunch, literally taking a break to count to ten and doing a couple of deep breaths like deep breathing. That can help to calm you down very quickly.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

One thing that I do with my son- again, this is related to that calming activity book- that he really likes is looking at happy pictures. That includes looking at peaceful photos, and reading him pictures of animals and sharing fun facts about those animals. Teaching him new jokes, and looking at calming landscape images. Something that you could do that- it may take a little bit of time just to kind of go out and do it, but once you do it you'll have it around- is print a picture that makes you really happy. Whether it's a picture with a loved one or a friend that reminds you of a good time, print it out, frame it if you want, but put it somewhere where you can easily see it. Same with affirmations, you could just print them out, put them somewhere where you can see it. That way you're constantly being reminded of good moments and you have access to happy pictures around you. So literally having things in your space that make you smile- like I have a frame of the Chicana Mother Work collective. It's a picture of the five of us hanging out at UC Berkeley. We went there for one of our book tour presentations, and it was just such an amazing day. I love being around them. We only get to see each other, if we're lucky, physically once a year, once or twice a year for an academic. Okay, I got cut off there for a second with my recording. Good thing I noticed. But what I was saying was that one of the things that I have in my office is a picture of the Chicana Mother Work Collective from a presentation we gave at UC Berkeley, a book talk, and it's a really great day. Every time I look at it, it makes me smile. It makes me happy. I have other little items that just remind me of good times around me.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Anyway, those are all a couple of things you can try out. There are more, but I think that is enough in terms of things that you can implement in your toolbox. If need be, write them down, and literally print them out and have it there as like, okay, when I'm freaking out, these are all my options. Which one do I want to try out right now? It may not feel comfortable right away, kind of like stopping yourself and trying to intentionally try out something to calm yourself down. But the more you do it, the more it'll become a habit. Then eventually, you'll realize, wow. I'm getting really good at regulating my emotions, and it's actually helping me with my workload as well. I have moments, you know, I'm getting ready for maternity leave and I think about oh, my gosh. I have so much I need to do before I go on leave, and my leave is in October and September's already about to be here. So I think to myself, wow, I'm starting to get stressed. But then I think, okay, how much time do I have? What can I do to calm myself down? Try it out, I feel a little better. Then I'm feeling more up for going back and doing my work. So I do this myself and I find it helpful and I test it out with my son as well. Sometimes I try to convince my husband to as well, to try. But you can't force everybody to do it. Try it out, see if any of these work and let me know how it goes. I will talk to you all next time.