339: Pause and Play: On Cultivating Curiosity and Care in Your Career with Naseem Kapdi

339: Pause and Play: On Cultivating Curiosity and Care in Your Career with Naseem Kapdi

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[00:00:00] Welcome to the award-winning grad school Femtoring podcast. The place for first gen BIPOC to listen in on inclusive grad school stories and learn about personal development and productivity tips. This is Doctora Yvette Martinez Vu, a certified coach, consultant and author, and I will be serving as your Femtoring, providing you with insider knowledge to help you reach your personal and professional goals.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Welcome back everyone to another episode of the Grad School Femtoring Podcast. This is your host, Doctora Yvette. Today we are discussing the topic of cultivating curiosity and care in our careers [00:01:00] with our guest Naseem Kapdi. Naseem is a career coach and founder of Kimiya Coaching. She partners with early career immigrants and first or second gen bipoc professionals to build careers that feel authentic and intentional, like a carefully crafted cup of chai with the right blend of spices.

She also supports creatives of color exploring their process or navigating career challenges. And in 2025, Naseem was recognized for creating spaces where black, indigenous, and women of color thrive. Welcome to the show. I'm so thrilled to have you on the podcast today. Naseem.

Naseem Kapdi: I'm so glad to be here. This has been. A long time coming.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Yes. Yes. Finally, we're here. I feel so honored that you, you chose to say yes and that we were able to carve out some time to come together today. This is gonna be really good. I already know. [00:02:00] I would love for you to start us out by sharing a little bit more. About your own journey and what led you to become a career coach and what led you to creating Qia coaching.

I'm also curious about the story behind the name. So anything you're comfortable sharing about this journey would be great for us to hear.

Naseem Kapdi: Yeah, of course. Thank you for that question. So I started my career in education. Actually, I was a classroom teacher. I taught. English as a second language. And you can probably tell I've been outside of the classroom for so long. 'cause I don't think it's called ESL anymore. It's gone through so many iterations since I've left, so it's probably called something else. I started teaching elementary and middle school students at a, it wasn't a nearby, but it was a far, far ish district from where I live. And. I taught there for a few years and then I transitioned into teaching adults. So I was looking for [00:03:00] programs like libraries or nonprofits that offered English classes for adults.

So, so I did that for a few years and realized. Actually, I need a little bit more structure at this point in my life. Like it was nice to have like the different areas to go to and meet different people and all of that and working with the different organizations, but. I need some structure. And this is, was also around, well post oh eight, the financial crisis.

And I was like, kind of taking a step back and I'm like, okay, what, what do I wanna do right now in this moment? And I decided baking has been a part of. me, something I enjoy doing. I actually remember doing this in high school when it was allowed. We used to participate in bake sales for our school clubs and I would bake like something or my friends and I would get together in each other's homes and we would bake something to, to as our kind of contribution to the bake sale. So it's been tied to [00:04:00] me and I've always been interested in like baking and in that process, I was at a point at that moment where I was like, okay, maybe I go to pastry school. Maybe, you know, I take this kind of of faith and, and go to pastry school. I'm at a point where I don't have responsibilities.

Like I, I checked my finances and I'm like, I won't go into debt over this. You know, it, it's okay. That was a huge struggle to, to, to make the leap though, even though it was like the seed was already planted. I finally did it and I thought, okay, I'm gonna just pivot my career into just the food industry. But not long after I. Graduated pastry school. I found a nonprofit that was looking for an ESL teacher with a food background and that going to pastry school, I always say open that door to nonprofit. And then I spent a few years in nonprofit while I also had a I called it a dessert [00:05:00] catering business for a little bit. Yeah. And then I just I survived burnout in my nonprofit roles and, and a couple of toxic situations and got myself you know, left nonprofit and without a plan and, and decided, let me just take a step back and again, check in with myself. Check in with like. All the things that I need to, to do.

And, and that led me to coaching. I think it was a little bit of, I think serendipity is the right word where, a program came up on my radar that was designed for women of color for women of color who wanted to be coaches. And, and that that's, that's how we got to know each other really well.

We both participated in that program together, and that, and again, that it, it kind of. It felt aligned. Like it felt like, I hate to use the word right or wrong, you know, it felt right that like, this is where I should be in this moment. And, and yeah, [00:06:00] so, so I decided to again, take another leap and do this program and that led me to coaching and it made me. As I was going through the program I was seeing the connections or, or connecting those dots of like my past experiences. Like I was coaching, maybe not calling it coaching in, in other roles, but there were elements of coaching, sometimes actual coaching, sometimes coaching adjacent things that I was doing. And it felt right again, that word, right? I, I, I, I've said that to a couple of people. Like, this just feels like the right thing for me right now. here I am.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Thank you for sharing more about your journey. You used the word serendipity. Earlier, and it reminds me of how a lot of the different career pivots and transitions that you've taken have felt very aligned and almost serendipitous from starting out as an elementary and middle school teacher to then [00:07:00] transitioning to teaching adults to then.

Leaning into your interests in baking and pursuing that, and then you're like, oh, there's this role where my two experiences come together, ESL, and having, you said a food background and that opened the door to non-profit. And then Yeah, with the space learning that. The, the burnout wasn't what, what, what worked for you that the certain pace, a certain working conditions, perhaps toxicity.

I don't know the, the details of that, but that led you to then taking a beat. So. Trusting. Trusting in your intuition, trusting that you will be okay. Letting that go and then right at that perfect time or aligned time or serendipitous time, running into a coaching certification program for women of color [00:08:00] and taught by bipoc instructors ICF ICF instructors.

And that's how we, we met each other, but that's also where you came to realize, hold up, hold up. I've already been doing this. I have this skillset, and maybe I didn't call it coaching, but it's what I've been doing all along, and it's also what you, it sounds like you've enjoyed a lot in the work that you've done all along, and so now you've leaned into that.

But it did take. Some pausing there and leaning into curiosity. And that's the topic of today. And I wanna start with this phrase that you've used in your work, the phrase of pausing and playing that you use specifically for, for your coaching. I'm curious. What you mean by that? How do you define that phrase?

What does it look like specifically for bipoc professionals and creatives? I know those are the folks you primarily work with. What does it look like to pause [00:09:00] and play?

Naseem Kapdi: Yeah. You know what? I, I think we, we overlook that. I know, you know, we, we get stuck in

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: I.

Naseem Kapdi: the grind culture. The hustle culture of like, just like, go, go, go, go, go. And, and we don't like take. The moment to step back and it, it doesn't have to be a long moment of like you know, like I, I, I actually did take some time off from work to like, figure things out, you know, and, and, but I was in a place where I could you know, I, I didn't have to have a job at that moment, you know? And, and so I, I did take the time. But pausing is really like that. You know, just taking that step back and checking in, whether it's checking it with yourself or asking yourself questions or, or, you know, taking, taking note of things or how things are going for you and figuring out, you know, like. You know, your, your, your body, your intuition, they're, they're telling you something. And it's just taking that moment to really listen and hear what they're saying. And for me, [00:10:00] that always happens with journaling. I've always been a writer. I've always journaled on and off for as far back as I can remember. And so for me, my pausing tends to come with writing. It's, it's usually tied with that. So that's where the idea of pausing kind of comes in. And then tying it to play is that idea of curiosity, right? Like coming from a pla like an open place where you're, you're wondering about things like the what ifs or the why nots, right?

Of, of. things of, of what things could look like, what your life can look like and, and defining it or redefining it for yourself. And, and to your own timeline. You know, this is, I, I feel like may be going on a tangent, but I'm gonna go there. I, always feels like there's always like that comparison game of like, I am not, you know. X, Y, Z that I'm seeing, you know, my peer doing or my work colleague doing, [00:11:00] or whoever. Right. And, and I find that, and I, and this has been my journey too, and, and telling myself like this pause and play. Lets me kind of decide what my timeline is. What are my moments, what are my milestones? Without or trying to cut some of that noise.

I mean, I don't know that it, it'll ever fully go away because of social platforms and other things. But I do feel like defining that for ourselves or, or like listening to ourselves and like. What feels right or aligned for us and our journeys is, is kind of, is, is the best way to, to like, again, cut down that noise and, and really like get into and figure out what, what, what it looks like for you or what you wanna do.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Right. A lot of what you shared reminds me that it's important to slow down. So you mentioned [00:12:00] to take a moment and you mentioned to. Find a practice that works for you, that helps you in slowing down and in reflecting. So in, in becoming more curious and wondering, you know, and asking yourself the big questions around, well, what if things were differently?

Or the what if, whatever the what if version is for you or the why not? Whatever the why not like, why not pursue X, Y, and Z is what I'm thinking of. And, and even recognizing when you're falling into that comparison trap. And resisting or questioning or pushing back against it. And so it also reminds me that pausing oftentimes can feel like a luxury in a very similar way that self-care can feel like a luxury.

That rest can feel like a luxury. So many folks like you, you mentioned the hustle culture. Even just the, the [00:13:00] US American culture as it is, how consumer is, how capitalistic it is, how neoliberal it is, it. It doesn't encourage slowing down. It doesn't encourage resting. So a lot of us have ingrained it in ourselves, especially those of us that come from certain even like immigrant cultures where hard work is, is.

Something that's a collective value and that's something that is ingrained in us and we think, well, I can't afford that luxury. So what would you say to our listeners who maybe still feel that way and struggle to slow down? How would you help them reframe, you know, rest and self-care? Not as a luxury, but as essential?

Naseem Kapdi: Yeah, no, those are really important questions. And what you just shared, just like the levels of different. Different things, you know, based on who you are, right? Like are, are an important part of all of this, right? They're all like the puzzle pieces of, of all [00:14:00] of this. And I will say, you know, and, and I, I identify as a child of immigrants in first gen college, I also, you know, you, I saw my immigrant parents, like, they, they didn't pause and play like, what was that? You know, like where, what was the rest for, for them? You know, and, and thinking about that. You know, I, I definitely understand and, and a lot of my clients who, who identify in similar ways come to me in that way, you know, of, of like, well, I don't know, like. Do I deserve this? Or like, am I doing, like I, I need to push myself? Or why am I taking, you know, an hour out of my day to do like, quote unquote self care or whatever that looks like. But I, I, I would almost take a step back and say, well, pausing is just I intentional, like stillness that is needed to reflect or reset. Or even just reconnect with with yourself. And then the playing is like that, exploring without the pressure of like producing something or [00:15:00] perfectionism, or like overthinking. And as you know, communities of color as like bipoc. We, we often, na we're navigating so much, it's not just our work, but like systemic inequities and inter intergen generation ex generational ex expectations. And it's a lot we carry, you know, for ourselves. It it, like, we, we just keep adding on these loads on ourselves. That's why, you know, we need that, that. Pause or that time to like slow down and, and check in and like restore ourselves so that we can continue to do the work that's important to us. Allowing for that gives us or creates space for those aha moments that you can't get when you're in constantly in motion, you know? And, that curiosity or coming from that curious place of play. And I purposely chose play because it, for me, it evokes [00:16:00] a time when I was a child and I didn't have so much perfectionism and overthinking. You know, I, I read, I led a workshop recently, I think you attended a vet, and I, you know, I called it permission to play and I was like, why can't we have fun with these things? You know, like, why is, how do we recapture some of the things? We had as, as, as children you know, when we were children. And bring those things back into, you know, adulthood and like open those like possibilities and things like that.

You know, I I, I led a workshop recently on vision boarding and is the same thing of like, happens if you let go and just open that door and just allow for whatever's possible.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Right. I, I appreciate you know, a couple of examples of like how you facilitated this work to help others. Again, to pause, to play, to lean into curiosity. I also like that you [00:17:00] remind us that in slowing down it, it can be helpful to. And give yourself permission to explore without producing. So I love that.

'cause sometimes folks will take a break from one thing only to produce in another way. You get what I mean? Like, oh, today's my day off, so I'm just gonna run all my errands and do all my chores. And that's not really a break. And that's not restoration. You reminded us that restoration is essential to continue what we do.

And I very much resonate with that because I. Practically preach about it. In talking about the importance of doing things in sustainable ways, you're slowing down, you're resting, you're pausing, you're playing so that you can restore yourself enough so that you can keep doing this in the long haul. It's not just a race, you know?

This is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and it's important just like. If you've ever run a marathon, which I did at age 13, and will never do it again, it's important [00:18:00] to slow down. Like you reach a point, you reach certain walls where it's impossible to just keep running. You have to slow down. You have to walk, you have to just do what you need to do to keep going.

And so, yeah. I appreciate that. You remind, remind us that slowing down, restoring yourself is about doing this in the long haul. It's, and it also gives you that. Opportunity to reach aha moments that you otherwise wouldn't have. And it reminds me of a lot of why it's so important to work with.

Professionals who can support you, whether that's a therapist or whether that's a coach or whoever it is that you choose to be part of your support team. Because sometimes that's the only time that you give yourself to slow down and to reflect. So in any case, I wanna hear a little bit more about leaning into curiosity and leaning into playing, especially because I'm thinking [00:19:00] about.

Graduate students who listen to this and even some undergrads, I, I have listeners who are college students, graduate students, and working professionals, A lot of academics. So across the board they probably have a lot going on. They very, very busy. And I've met far too many people who have told me that they forgot what joy looked like, especially in grad school.

It can be such a grind that they.

Naseem Kapdi: Yeah.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: They forget what makes them happy. And so I'm curious like if they're so disconnected from that, like can you give us some pointers about how to center their sense of curiosity and play again?

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Naseem Kapdi: No, that's a really great question and it, and the reason why [00:21:00] it's become so important for me is it's, it's been a part of my journey the past few years. It's been. Something intentional that I've been doing because I, I, and I feel like your re listeners would resonate. It often feels like. Counterintuitive to take the step back to rest or, or whatever you need to do, right? Like, I'll, I'll use the broad term self-care, right? It feels counterintuitive to center yourself or to prioritize yourself first, right? Because we're often taught no, you, you should give to others or keep giving or whatever, and then you don't have anything left for yourself.

So like coming off of burnout and healing from that in, in, a previous role you know, made me, I I, I feel like, not initially, but it, it did like, give me opportunities to think and, and the thing that helped me was journaling was like, really just, and it doesn't have to, it, I mean, if I look back or if I show you my journals, they're not intense.

They could be a word, a sentence. Right? Like it's, [00:22:00] it's the whole point of like, journaling is, and it took me a while to like, to this is, is like, it's supposed to be whatever you want there. It is not a place for perfectionism. It's, it's a place to just capture whatever it is in whatever moment that you're capturing it. So starting there really helped me. And then. I, I sat with this question of like, well, what brings me joy? What sparks my interest? And it's always been like reading. I've always been a reader, participated in like summer reading programs. You know, shout out to libraries. They, they're like amazing spaces. But also writing and, and I guess a silver lining out of the pandemic was that it brought me back to writing in a more creative way which I hadn't been doing in a long time. You know, I do journal and that is a form of writing. But I wasn't writing creatively. And I needed, I had a lot of anxiety that had come up, especially during the height of the pandemic. And I found a writing group and that became my outlet [00:23:00] of like you know, a space to where I could you know, just not focus on the doom scrolling or the things going on around me and just write for fun and, and use or. Push the energy that I was feeling in a different direction and, and, and another output rather than going back to the doom scrolling or like over consuming of like content and things like that. And then that also, kind of got me to think about, well, well what are the kinds of things that are important to me? You know, like every new year, right? People talk about New Year's resolutions and like these words like resolutions, they end up having these heavy meanings of like you know, you have to do this thing or you have to do that.

And if you don't do it, if you don't follow through, you're gonna fail. And things like that. And I feel like. Okay, like, let's take a step back. We put so much like power on these words, so let's, let's reclaim them in a way that makes [00:24:00] sense. And, and that led me to, to rethink goals and resolutions as intentions. And it gave me permission to think of them as fluids. Of like you're making these and intentions right at a moment in time, but you don't know what the future holds, right? You don't know what future you is gonna experience or where future you is going to be. I mean, you're always hoping for the best, but you just, you don't know what life is gonna throw at you or what you're gonna go through. So giving myself permission for that fluidity. Right, and, and with that permission is I need to check in with these intentions often to make sure they're aligned with what I want. So, so it, it all started there of like, okay, so weekly, actually this is a practice I have weekly. I check in on my yearly intentions and every now and then I'm like, actually this one isn't working for me.

Let's move it aside, or let's rethink this one because my life is, my life has changed [00:25:00] in the past few months. So given again, it's not a failure that I didn't reach that quote unquote goal right, or resolution, it's just. It's, it's another way to think about it. And that again, got me into the pause and the play and going back to reconnecting with my inner child and my childhood self and what brought her joy. And, and trying to find what, what that joy looks like for, for current me, like adult nessim. What, what does that look like for me? So I would definitely offer that to anyone listening of like, just take a step back and start thinking about like. Maybe what were you like as a child? What were your interests?

And for me, a lot of my interests were, were very like, creative. I was into not just reading and writing, I was into photography. I like, there were things that like, I, I didn't say, I'm not saying I was good at it, but there were like so many things that I was interested in, but I like held myself back and I feel like [00:26:00] those were the moments where I lost my joy. Because like I was like, I got into the perfectionism, I got into the overthinking, and it's okay to be a beginner. Like that reminder of like, feel like the reason why I keep going back to childhood or, or being a child is you know, we're all beginners and it's okay, but then somehow when you're adult, like you can't be a beginner. this like thing put on us where like you have to like know what you're doing. And that's not always the case.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Right, right. One of the things that you said that stood out to me is where you mentioned for you it was journaling, but you mentioned the phrase of like capturing moments and I, I like that phrase because. Journaling might not be the thing that resonates with everyone, or writing might not be the thing that resonates with everyone, but this act [00:27:00] of intentionally reflecting and capturing moments to remind yourself, wait, this felt good.

So maybe note to self in some way, shape, or form for future self that maybe this is one of the things that I can. Nurture or this act of like checking in frequently, whether it's checking in frequently on your goals or checking in frequently on how you're feeling or checking in frequently on. Yeah, like how satisfied you feel in any current given moment.

But it's, and even the. G, when you mentioned going back to your childhood, for a lot of us tending to our inner child, figuring out what we once used to love and reconnecting with, that can be really helpful because I do think that who we are at the core remains the same, even as much as we, we age and we learn and we grow and we become wiser [00:28:00] in some ways.

We are at the core the same. The same human. So yeah, reconnecting with childhood childhood interests can be a way for individuals to get back to leaning into the curiosity and the joy and the play. And then I also appreciate you bringing up this idea of being a beginner or giving yourself permission to.

Start over or to learn something new or to not be the best or to do something. Not even to get better at it, just do it imperfectly.

Naseem Kapdi: no,

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: I do that with gaming, for instance. It's like I will play not always to win just for the act of playing a game. Yeah.

Naseem Kapdi: yeah, no, but that's the thing about curiosity and like if you're opening the door to curiosity, you have to open the door to like. One, be the beginner, right? But also this, the more important thing is you may not like it, [00:29:00] right? Like, if you're opening the door to trying new things, you may like one thing, you may not like it, you know, like it, it's, and it's okay to let it go, right?

Like you don't have to

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Mm-hmm.

Naseem Kapdi: it either, right? Your curiosity led you there, but it also. Is also telling you something, right? So if like, if you wanna go take a writing class, go take a writing class, but maybe you don't like it and that's okay, go to do the next thing. You don't have to stay in the one kind of path either.

And then, and like career pivots have also taught me that, you know, and, and I feel like it's like what you're told. Right. Especially being like I'll use I statements like first gen college and, and in child of immigrants. I, and it's what I saw. It's what I observed as a child. You saw people around you.

Even my parents, they stayed in like the one job until retirement. What, you know, career pivots, like who does that? You know? And then I mentioned earlier as part of my story of like the [00:30:00] decision of going to pastry school. I think I knew I wanted to do that before I actually did it. Like the seed was already heavily planted.

It was, it was rooted in me that this was what I wanted to do, I had to go through a lot internally. know, I had already also had my master's degree by then, and I'm like, what am I doing? I have a master's degree and I'm now, I'm going to go to pastry school. You know, like, and I didn't know at the end of it, I would end up in nonprofit. Right. And even when I was making the decision, I'm like, okay, if I do this, I'm pivoting. Like I'm,

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: I.

Naseem Kapdi: going in a different direction. And they were like, I'm sure my parents didn't understand what I was doing. They're like, have a master's degree. Why are you going to pastry school? Like, what are you doing? I'm sure they were concerned, but thankfully, you know, they. They stood behind me. They didn't, they probably, again, didn't understand, but they supported me and, and, you know, allowed me to, to, [00:31:00] you know, or not allowed, but like, they, they were like cheerleading me on, you know? As, as I, I made this pivot, and, and I, I, I, but I remember it took me a long time to actually. Do the application and like, you know, follow through in that way. And I don't regret it, but I sometimes regret the time. then it's about timing, right? The universe knows timing. And had I done it earlier, I may not have found that nonprofit. 'cause like that role had opened up I graduated.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: I do think it can take a lot of time and a lot of courage to make a pivot. So even if maybe it took longer than other people would have, it was your timeline as you mentioned earlier. And also some individuals never make the pivot and it reminds me how so many of us are. [00:32:00] We grow up and we're conditioned to, to live under a survival mindset and usually because we are living under survival conditions, so we have the conditions where all we can focus on is surviving that even when our circumstances are beyond that, we're no longer in survival.

In terms of our. Living situation or our careers, et cetera. It feels so risky to make a pivot because you're still, you still have that survival mindset of, no, I need to do whatever I need to do to survive. And taking, this is too risky. What if it doesn't work out? You know, only catastrophizing not thinking about.

Well, what if it does work out? What if it works out better than you even imagined? So I'm, I'm curious, and I would love to hear more from you about this topic of unlearning the survival mindset and helping folks to make [00:33:00] more courageous decisions based on leaning into their curiosity, lean, leaning into their intuition, because I, I truly believe that our gut tells us.

What feels right and wrong for us, but we don't always listen to it because we rely on listening to things outside of us, people, outside of us, expectations, et cetera. And even though a lot of times they're well-meaning, sometimes they're not quite right for us. So how can we unlearn this survival mindset and and leaning to more courage and more curiosity.

Naseem Kapdi: Yeah, that's a really good question. I think that to start off with and, and this was really reinforced for me. I did the vision boarding workshop, I mentioned earlier it came up you know, as I was leading it or facilitating it it was, you know, it's about the journey, right? It's about not necessarily the destination, right?

The destination's gonna be there, whatever it [00:34:00] is, right? It's about those small steps that you're taking. And they can be the smallest micro steps, you know? Researching something on the internet, that's a step that's taking you towards something, some end goal, some destination, whatever you wanna call it, right? But we often, I think society wise, right? Like we, we kind of get fed these stories of like the overnight success, the Cinderella story, but we, and, and those are about the destination, right? Those are about like the end product or the end goal, but what are the things that got you there, right? Like. If you think about like this happens with like public figures, right?

Actors, musicians, whatever. They're always called overnight success. Oh my God. And then you, you always hear about them. But like, what are the things that they did to get them there? Right? It didn't happen overnight. You know, someone didn't just like. Even if someone just discovered them, right? Like they were doing things that led them to that moment. You [00:35:00] know, so what are the things that you can do or steps you can take to get you to whatever your destination is, whatever it is that you want to achieve. And, and then I would also say like, how are you celebrating those small wins? You know, often we as a whole, right? Like we, we, we think about the big wins.

Oh, I got the promotion. Let's celebrate. Let's go out. Go out to eat or something. Right? Like, let's celebrate. But what about the smaller things that you maybe did that, that are just, I import as important? Maybe you self advocated in a way for yourself. How did you celebrate that? You know, those are like good reminders to ourselves, right?

Like of like, Hey, yeah, actually I did the thing, I did the hard thing to get, again, the, the promotion is. Is the destination, right? Like you were working towards that. And yeah, it's great. Celebrate the promotion. I'm not saying don't celebrate it, but also what are you doing in between to celebrate yourself and celebrate those [00:36:00] smaller wins that we often don't think of. And that's what I within my journaling, I actually do a gratitude journal. To kind of like, it's part of my nighttime routine. So I do two versions of it. I actually do a written version and then I, right before bed, after I've shut everything down and I'm in bed I do what's called my sunflower and it's just a mental gratitude.

What's my sunflower today? What is the one thing I'm grateful for? And I feel like doing both practices for me. Has kind of shifted something. And I often don't remember all my

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Mm-hmm.

Naseem Kapdi: Because I don't write it down. It's just a mental thing. And I feel like it does something for me. Like it, it's shifted something for me, having the written version and then having like the sunflower right before bed, you know, like of like, what's the one thing today?

And it could be a win, it could be. Oh, it was sunny outside after we had a few rainy days. You know, it could be like, what is for you? Right. But I, I [00:37:00] think tapping into, or having that gratitude practice along with like, as along with finding ways to like notice and celebrate. The smaller wins are, are things that are important and things that can help.

There are great mindset, mindset shifts. That again. Tie into the pause and then allow for more play and allow for more of that curiosity and you know, getting you to be either inspired or realigning yourself to get to whatever your end goal is or you're at your destination is.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Right. I well, earlier before I even asked you this question, you mentioned this idea of planting seeds. So there are seeds that we plant that maybe we don't even realize. And that we can always be planting, and that you can do that with the micro steps or the baby steps of what is something that you maybe desire.

You might feel scared to do it, but it doesn't [00:38:00] have to be all or nothing, and it is definitely not gonna be an overnight success because we know that that's just a myth and that you don't see it. It may be perceived as an overnight success, but what we don't see is all the. Many years and months and days and hours, countless hours, I imagine that it takes for individuals to get to where they're at.

So yeah, planting seeds, taking these baby steps, celebrating yourself. Remaining grateful and maybe even implementing a gratitude practice. That actually reminds me when I was in graduate school, that was probably around the time that I struggled the most with my mental health, especially with depression.

And one thing that I did with a close friend of mine, we had a. A gratitude shared document, and we would share our top three things that we were grateful for every day and every day. I would [00:39:00] log in and I would see my friends' gratitude items from the previous day, and it would bring a smile to my face and it would even remind me, wait.

I have, I have that same thing, and I should be grateful for that too. And that it made me recognize, wait, there's so much more that I could be grateful for. And we kept that up. I don't even know for how long, but definitely for a good while, a year or two. And you don't notice it right away, but it does cost this shift in you where all of a sudden you find yourself being more grateful and not in a toxic positivity space, but in a recognizing.

What you have going for you and recognizing that there, there is always something to be grateful for, even under very hard challenging circumstances. And then you mentioned the celebrating yourself, and I will admit. I still struggle with this one,

Naseem Kapdi: Oh, I do too. It's

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: and so I selfishly, selfishly [00:40:00] wanna ask you for some examples for myself and also for my listeners, like, I'm thinking of them too, of like, what does it look like to celebrate yourself, especially for the smaller wins, because I, I recognize it's easier to celebrate yourself.

Oh, I, I graduated, I'm gonna have a. Party or I graduated, let's do a nice dinner. Or you just reach this big thing. It makes sense to do something that is a celebration of some sort. But there are very small things that. Are still big steps in that they may seem small to you, like maybe reaching out to someone you've been wanting to reach out to for a while.

Maybe it's finally sending a pitch that you've wanted to send money. It's finally sending out an application for that thing you've been wanting to apply to. And it doesn't feel big in that. Like, it's not like you got this. Big award or big degree or credential, et cetera, but it's still a big step for you.

And sometimes we, we just miss them. Like we just let them go and move on to [00:41:00] the next thing. So I'm curious if you have some examples for me and for the audience, on, on some, some ways to celebrate the, the smaller externally. Small, but big to you, wins.

Naseem Kapdi: Yeah. No, I love that. And I also, I wanna say, first of all, I love the practice you and your friend did with the, like, the pair graduate journal grad gratitude journal rather. That's, that's really cool. I, I didn't, I wouldn't have thought of it that way, but I'm like curious now if there's anyone in my world who would wanna do something like that with me. But to answer your question, I think it's like it starts to talk about it. You know, like I'm thinking about a couple of folks in, in my network and, and my, my friends, where we just start talking about it with each other of like, oh, it feels like it to share this or that, or whatever. Right? And sometimes it's. You know, that for somebody else, you know, like, oh, I know Yvette had [00:42:00] this like win, or she was recently featured on in this article. Let me share it with somebody on her behalf. You know, like I, I feel like it's like. that for somebody. There's a word for it and it's escaping me right now, but like starting there and like getting more comfortable with it. Of like, so I have this friend and we rec reconnected during the pandemic. And like now we'll just like text each other that like, I'll just be like, I just did a podcast today and like, that's my win. And like she'll be like, oh my God, that's amazing. And like she'll cheer lead me on, you know? So like starting there and having, others in your community or in your support network or whatever you wanna call it, that will do the same for you that are probably feeling the same things. That'll, I It's hype. They'll hype you up, right? Like, I'm like, oh my God, that's awesome. Like, I know you've been working on this for so long you know that, that's amazing.

And then. Showing up for that. Showing up for each other when, when you do, [00:43:00] you know, are trying to create it in some way. Also like, I mean, it's easy like if I see it right, I'll repost it or I'll make sure to comment. Right. It is like doing these little things and then. You, you know, it, it it like you internalize it of like, okay, it's okay to say that.

It doesn't mean that I'm bragging. Like that's another thing I feel like it comes from my childhood immigrant experience of like, you shouldn't brag, you're not supposed to be bragging. And it's like, but is that bragging right? And like, kind of unlearning and unpacking what that means. So that you can, and, and I had a conversation this, a couple of conversations this weekend around that where I was doing, others were kind of sharing what's going on with them.

And I'm like, well, why don't you do this and post it on LinkedIn and tell me when it's up. Like, text me the link and I'll like it, or whatever, you know, like. ways to support each other in that way. And that's what you can do externally. Internally. Like I'll do things like like I'll make myself a meal.

Like I'll go to the grocery store and make myself like a [00:44:00] comfort meal or just like something for fun or whatever. Try a new recipe, you know, to kind of mark the occasion, you know, if I, if that's something I wanna do. Or if you've ever, if had a good cup of Shai. It, you know, it takes effort 'cause you have to boil the tea.

Like you're starting with boiling the water, boiling teale leaves. And if you want a really good cup of chai, it's like double boils is like the best way to get a good cup of chai. And like, that's another way to pause. It's a ritual. It's a little bit of that self care because it, I don't do that every day.

I don't, I don't, you know, make chai that way every day. And, but like when I do. It's special 'cause I've pulled out the tea leaves instead of a tea bag and put the pot on the stove. You know, like it's a special way that I'm showing up for myself to mark the moment.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: I love that. I love that. Especially ending with the cup of chai. It's just so beautiful. [00:45:00] As we get close to to wrapping up today, I'm curious if there was a question you were hoping that I would ask you.

Naseem Kapdi: Oh I dunno, I dunno. That I can think of. I think we covered a lot. I think that, is there a question? No, I, I don't think so.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Well, if not, I'd love to hear your closing words, any words of advice or insights for our listeners, especially those with very busy lives, and they might be juggling grad school, their careers caregiving, full-time work. But they're invested in this conversation because they're listening up to this point.

So any advice on helping them integrate more of this pause and play into their lives?

Naseem Kapdi: Yeah, definitely. I mean, I know, I know you, all your listeners and it are, are, are dealing with a lot of things. You're, you're, you know, they're navigating. systemic barriers, [00:46:00] perfectionism, burnout. And I know I definitely feel this always having to feel like you have to push through no matter what.

Right? No matter what you're feeling. And I would say just like, start with giving yourself permission. Right? Like it, that's what it starts with, right? Like even if you have to like write it in your notebook, I give myself permission to. You know, and start there. Write yourself a permission slip, right?

Like think back to school, right? When we, we went on, on field trips, we would have to get our parents permission. And now that we're quote unquote adults or we're adulting or whatever, right? We're entering this realm of adulthood. We we're not necessarily getting that permission, but gi giving ourselves permission to do that and like, I think start there and. And notice how, how, if anything, shifts, you know, start with one thing. And again, it's okay if it doesn't work for you, Like, find what works for you and start there. And then continue to explore. But I, I think it starts with giving yourself permission [00:47:00] to, to rest, explore. And, and all of that leads into all of all of the other things that we're navigating and things that we're trying to let go of.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: So for folks who enjoyed this conversation, wanna connect with you and learn more about your work, how can they reach you?

Naseem Kapdi: Yeah, so you can find me on LinkedIn and connect me with me

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: I.

Naseem Kapdi: I also have a wait list for an e-newsletter that I will put out occasionally. Ish. I haven't determined the timeline yet. It's in the beginning stages, so you can go to my website and, and sign up for the e-newsletter as well.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Great. Great. Well, I'm super duper excited. I feel like we, we walked out with so many gems. I'm gonna have to re-listen to it and take some notes. I did take multiple notes on my little. Post it, but I'm gonna take some notes because I, I benefited from this [00:48:00] conversation too. So thank you. Thank you so much for joining us today, Naseem, for sharing your wealth of wisdom and experiences, insights, so many gems.

Thank you, Naseem.

Naseem Kapdi: Thank you for having me. Thank you everyone.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: thanks so much for listening. If you liked what you heard, here are three ways you can support the show. The first is to make sure you're subscribed and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. The second way is to get your copy of my free resource kit linked in my show notes. This kit includes tools, playlists on all things grad school, productivity, and personal development.

The third way to support my show is to follow me on social media. You can find me on Instagram with the handle at gradschoolfemtoring and on LinkedIn by searching my name. Thanks again for listening. And until next time.