30: Dealing with Post-Grad Blues

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Hi everyone. Today I am going to be recording an episode on dealing with post grad blues. If you were listening to my episode last week, you noticed that I spent a good amount of time talking about #blackintheivory and white supremacy in academia. I know that that's a tough topic, that a lot of folks are struggling right now. I also kind of wanted to point out something else that's going on right now. So aside from the pandemic, aside from BLM, aside from the world falling apart, a lot of my listeners are wrapping up graduation season. My students in particular, we're on the quarter system, which means that they just finished finals last week. This past weekend was graduation weekend. At this point in time, it's starting to sink in that they've graduated, and they're wondering what to do. There may be a lot of mixed feelings. That's why I decided to record this episode on dealing with post graduation blues, because I don't think that we talk about this enough. In academia, in your classes, when it comes to preparing for graduation, there's a lot of talk about what's next? Are you going to go to grad school? Are you going to get a job? What are you going to do? Bt not enough talk about- there's this feeling that a lot of people get, a feeling blue, and in some cases feeling depressed, right after graduating. What do you do to navigate that? What do you do to manage, to deal, to overcome it?

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So that's why I'm talking about that today. It's about post grad blues. This is sometimes also called post grad depression. It's very common, not just among undergrads getting a bachelor's degree, but it's also grad students getting their masters and PhDs. It can also be called post dissertation depression, or post dissertation slump, post dissertation, post PhD blues. There's a number of different ways that this is called, and if you do a Google, you'll find an endless number of articles on this topic. So clearly, something is up. And it's very common. But I personally think we don't talk about it enough. So how do you know if you're dealing with postgrad blues? What feelings are you experiencing? Well, one thing I'll say is that for many, graduating can feel anti climatic. It's something you've been working on for many years. Then out of nowhere you turn in your last assignment, or you complete your last exam, and you think to yourself, that was it? I'm done? Am I really done? You expect to feel this great sense of accomplishment, and instead, maybe the only thing you really want to do or that you're really feeling is exhaustion and you just want to sleep. You just want to rest. People are telling you to celebrate, to be happy to be proud and you're just like, alright, let me just take a nap. So it may feel anticlimactic. You may feel a little bit unsure about what to do, because all of a sudden, you have all this time in the world. You're used to having to do your schoolwork, to having to have other commitments and having a very busy schedule and now you're done. So you don't even know what to do next. There's this feeling of like, I have too much time. I don't know what to do with it.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

There's also feelings of sadness, of loss, of loneliness. You've lost your routine, in many cases, your location -whatever place you might be leaving, that university, that city you're losing. You may lose friends, professors, mentors, femtors. This whole network of people that you're used to seeing regularly, are all of a sudden gone because you're graduated and you've lost that close tie that you have to the university and all of its resources, all of the people, places, things associated with it. So that causes loss, which can also cause loneliness, which can also make you feel sad. That's a lot, a whole lot of negative emotions right there. Then of course, if you don't know what to do, if you're experiencing so much loss, then also, you may feel a lack of motivation. You may start to feel hopeless. This is especially common for folks who don't have concrete plans after graduating. So if you don't have a job lined up, if you don't have grad school to go to, if you don't have set plans of what you're going to do right away, that can lead you to not feel very motivated. And it doesn't help when people keep asking you- what's next, what's next? Congrats, so what are you going to do next? And you don't really know how to answer that. I mean, you may make something up and say, I'm going to be applying to jobs, or I'm gonna be applying to grad school. But in reality, you don't want to do any of it. You may have a sudden decrease in productivity for a while.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

There's also a feeling of shame, because again, everybody expects you to be happy, to be cheerful, to feel proud. You might be on social media and seeing all these happy posts from peers, from friends, and that might make you feel like, maybe what I'm feeling is not okay. Maybe I'm alone in these feelings. Maybe I shouldn't feel this way, and I should just be grateful for what I have. So there's a lot of shame associated with that, which makes people feel even less comfortable reaching out and being open about it and talking about it. You may also be stressed. Graduation can be stressful. There's a lot of financial things involved, financial concerns. Maybe you're worried about how you're going to make ends meet without financial aid, without your university job or part time job or whatever other way that you found a source of income at the university. Maybe you're dealing with family pressures, so your family might be pressuring you- okay, you're graduating so now you really have to get a good job, and you have to get it right away. That can be very stressful.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Then, of course, there might be this feeling of imposter syndrome, and your insecurities worsening. These feelings can hit especially hard after graduating, because maybe you feel like you still have so much more to learn. Maybe you feel like you didn't learn enough, or you didn't do enough, or you didn't take advantage enough of the resources you had when you had them. And so you feel like oh, well I'm supposed to know about XY and Z because that's what my degree is in, but I don't feel like I know anything. I don't feel like I'm prepared for the real world. I don't feel like a full grown adult. And those feelings, those experiences are very common, I would say. I felt it in undergrad. I felt it after graduating with my PhD, and in both cases, I felt so alone. I thought I was the only one, but it did help to try to be more open and talk about it. All of those are feelings that you may be experiencing now, and then they are only worsened by our current circumstances. So if the pandemic is affecting you in a direct way, if BLM is affecting you in a direct way, if -anything else that could be going on, whether- you know a lot of my students are dealing with living in poverty, being food insecure, housing insecure. What else? They may be feeling different forms of racism, sexism. All of these things already take a toll on you, but then they're only making these feelings of the post grad blues more intense. They're intensifying them.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So then what do you do? How do you cope? How do you manage? How do you deal? Well, if this message hasn't been made clear to you, I want to clarify this right now that these feelings are completely normal. It's understandable to feel this way. They're also, for the most part, temporary. This feeling will pass. If it's been more than a few weeks and you're still struggling, I would recommend reaching out to a professional, trying to find a therapist or someone else to receive professional support. I know obviously, once you're no longer a student, you may not have the same type of resources available. But there are hotlines, there are websites like Open Path Collective, that offer therapy on a sliding scale fee of $30 to $60 per session. There are also local therapists that you can contact who may also offer therapy on a sliding scale. So know that it's temporary. If it doesn't feel temporary, seek professional support.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

The next thing is, find a way to celebrate your achievements. Find a way to celebrate yourself and the fact that you graduated and you achieved this huge milestone, even if it doesn't feel like it's a huge milestone. Maybe you didn't have the graduation that you envisioned. I think I've said this before, for my graduation and PhD graduation, I didn't get to get hooded. I didn't get to walk. I didn't get to attend any kind of ceremony because I got really sick. I had to cancel on everything and everyone, and that really bummed me out. But there are other ways to celebrate. So maybe if you're not able to celebrate with your loved ones in a physical space, you can do something else. You can treat yourself to a nice meal. You can host a zoom celebration. You can get a graduation photoshoot done, or you can get together in a safe socially distanced way with a few loved ones. Or you could plan a bigger party for next year when you can gather more people in person. Save up your money and do a big party later on. It's not too late to wait and celebrate later too. So celebrate, please, please do. You may not want to. You may not feel like it, but it'll feel better to be in community and to know that others are very proud of you, and rooting you on and there to support you.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

With that in mind, I recommend opening up to others. Talking to loved ones, talking to peers, because you won't really be able to commiserate with others, you won't really be able to get help if nobody knows how you're feeling. It also helps to destigmatize this feeling if more people are open about it. That was the one thing that got me really frustrated is that I noticed that nobody was talking about it, and then once I opened my mouth and started telling people how I felt, all of a sudden they were saying oh, me too. Oh, I thought I was the only one, or wow, I didn't realize that so many of us felt this way. And I'm just like, no. Why couldn't we all just be a little more open to help each other out? So if you can, try to open up to others.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

I also think that now that you've graduated, it's a good time to think about all the things that you neglected when you were working hard trying to focus on finishing that degree. I remember when I was finishing up my dissertation, all I could do was read and write all day long, and I remember dreaming of all the things that I wish that I could do if I just had the spare time, if I had the leisurely time to do it. So I literally made a Google Doc with a list of things that I looked forward to doing after graduation. Of course, after graduating, I didn't want to do anything. That list didn't seem appealing anymore. But I went back to it, and this list included things like spending more time with friends. I did go MIA for a while while I was finishing up my dissertation, and I'm so grateful for the folks who were patient with me during that time. I also put going on nature walks, reading books for fun. I was so sick and tired of only reading books that were assigned to me that were part of my dissertation, but I felt like I lost that feeling of reading something that I'm passionate about, just for fun. I think I also added cleaning and tidying my apartment. My home was wreck. I had no time to do anything other than work, and so everything was just get messy and dirty and I looked forward to cleaning and tidying. Of course, once I had the time for it, it didn't sound like much fun. But it helped to focus on things that I had neglected and to try to get those things done. So think about what what is it that you neglected to get your degree and how can you spend a little more time on those things now.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

The other thing is, you've lost your sense of routine and productivity and goals, because you're done with that big goal of getting your degree. Well, now is a really good time to set new goals and to make new plans and that can help. If you're feeling lost, if you're feeling down because of that lack of routine or structure, it can help if you develop a new one. It doesn't have to be nearly as busy or as rigid as your old one, but it can include things like job hunting, or starting grad school apps, or getting your self care routine done, or checking in on an accountability buddy- someone who can hold you accountable to getting some things done. Or anything else that will help you feel like you have a routine and you're not just sitting around doing nothing, and just feeling down all the time.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Then the last thing I want to mention- and I think with this I'm going to wrap up the episode- is to set realistic expectations. So yes, I just told you set goals, but I don't want you to set lofty goals and say, okay, I'm gonna work on, on job hunting. I'm gonna work on a grad school list, and I'm gonna get all the jobs I applied to, or I'm gonna get into my top school. You want to be realistic. You may not land a dream job right out of graduating. You also may end up with a lot of rejections before landing that first job. The same goes for grad school. You will most certainly not get in everywhere that you apply to, but the point is to keep applying, and to keep yourself open to opportunities, and to keep yourself busy, to have a routine, to have something to look forward to. Then before you know it, something will come up. It may not be ideal or perfect, but something will come up. You'll have something else to focus on, and hopefully that will help you. In many cases that should help you overcome the post graduation blues.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So that's really what I wanted to talk about. I know there's a lot more that can be said on this topic, but I wanted to kind of make sure to introduce it because for those of you that haven't graduated yet, maybe this is news to you. Maybe not. But I encourage you to engage in more conversations about this. That way, if you know it's coming up, you can find ways to prepare for it and hopefully cope a little better. I know, things are really hard right now for most of us, for many of us. It's really hard to try to focus on being positive, to focus on being hopeful, and sometimes positivity can be toxic. But I do want to remind folks that there are ways to cope. There are ways to navigate. There are ways to overcome, and that's what I'm going to leave you with. So if you're feeling that way, please reach out for help, and follow some of the advice that I gave you. Reach out to me too. I'm more than happy, I've already heard from a few folks, but I'm more than happy to respond back and provide advice if you reach out to me over email or over Instagram. Alright, y'all. Have a good rest of the week and I'll talk to you all soon.