261: Having Faith in Authenticity

261: Having Faith in Authenticity

In this episode, I discuss the power and importance of having faith authenticity in personal and professional environments. I open up about my journey toward becoming and showing up as more authentically myself, including the challenges I’ve faced within my family and in higher ed. I encourage you, my listener, to find and create spaces where you can be your full self, emphasizing the significance of relationships, boundaries, and self-exploration. I truly believe that embracing your authenticity can lead to deeper connections, new opportunities, and a more fulfilling life.

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261: Having Faith in Authenticity

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Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: [00:00:00] Welcome to the top global ranked and award nominated grad school femtoring podcast. The place for first gen BIPOCs to listen in on conversations about grad school, and growth. In this podcast, you'll learn about all things higher education, personal development, and sustainable productivity. This is Dr.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Yvette Martinez Vu, and I will be serving as your femtor, providing you with tips and tricks and everything else you need to know to successfully navigate grad school. For over 14 years, I've been empowering first gen students of color along their personal and professional journeys, and I'm really excited to support you too.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of the Grad School Femtoring Podcast. This is your host, Dr. [00:01:00] Yvette. Today's episode is all about having faith in authenticity. I did not come up with this title. Believe it or not, this is a phrase that someone used to describe me recently. As some of you might know, I am currently participating in a international coaching federation coaching program for Bipo by Bipoc through Embrace Change.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Um, and. This coaching program, it's the first cohort. So we're a bit of guinea pigs. It's a small cohort. It's a small but mighty cohort, I should say. And part of what we're doing in the program is learning the fundamentals of how to coach the internet through like the competencies of the International Coaching Federation.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: And we get to [00:02:00] do a lot of coaching, coaching one another. Um, receiving coaching, the instructors coaches, we coach instructors. There's a lot of like back and forth. And what makes this space so powerful is that. You end up getting pretty raw and open and honest and vulnerable in sharing about yourself, in discussing topics that you want to get coaching on.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: And for me, I, you know, one of the things that I say sometimes is that I really do like being Uh, being forthright, I work well with direct communication. I can spot superficiality right away and it's painful for me. I don't like superficial conversations and it's really hard for me to be in [00:03:00] spaces where I find myself having to mask.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: And so. Folks have seen me coach and coach others in a group setting, and then I've also gotten to coach one of my peers one on one. And so my peer was the one who mentioned, you know what? You know what's so amazing about you? You know what's so powerful about you? You know why you're such a great coach is because you have such a strong sense of faith and authenticity.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Like you really are yourself no matter where you are, no matter who you show up with. And It's taken me a while to get here. There's been some work on my end, personal development work, personal growth work on my end, a lot of therapy, a lot of self exploration for me to get to this stage where I do feel like I am getting closer to becoming the person I was always meant to be.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: And I understand that this is not an easy process, but it is a worthwhile [00:04:00] process. And in fact, I recently was reminded of. Just how painful and to some extent toxic it can be for me to not be my full self. So, you know, one of the things that came up that I Asked to be coached on, and this is a bit personal, uh, to even share this.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Uh, you know, I'm, I'm pretty vulnerable, or I like to say that I'm an open book, but when it comes down to things that I'm struggling with at the moment, anything that's a raw wound, it's hard for me to talk about it. And anything that verges on the line of being intimate, I don't really share about that.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: That feels very, um, Bordering on the side of like being too risky. So I don't, you'll notice I don't share a lot about my relationship with my husband, although he's dope and I love him. My biggest supporter. I don't share a lot about my relationship with my babies. Again, I love them. I'm so proud of them.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: I love getting to [00:05:00] having the honor and the privilege of witnessing them just be their full selves. I love it. Just. The freedom that I see in, in their being. I love my babies, so I don't talk a lot about my babies. I don't talk a lot about my, uh, partner. I don't talk a lot about my family. So my, my mom, my siblings, my aunts, my uncles, cousins, etc.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Because that feels really intimate, but I will have to say that, you know, I did mention I was going to be away, away from social media, away from, to some extent from podcasting for a little while to take care of someone who had surgery, which involved me traveling, going back to SoCal. And as much as I love my family, they overwhelm me.[00:06:00]

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: And I, I'm laughing because, you know, I laugh when sometimes if I'm, if I either laugh or cry, right? In some situations. So I'm laughing so that I don't cry right now. Um, yeah, for as long as I can remember, my family has overwhelmed me. I love them. I love them. I, uh, I love them. I respect them. I don't expect them to change.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: I know that I can only change myself. And so for me, I noticed that I hide parts of myself when I'm with family, that I silence parts of myself when I'm with family, and that I mask a lot. Um, And in being there and not having a sense of personal space, not having a place for me to, to have, what is it like boundaries to have?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Um, I just, [00:07:00] I literally didn't have space. You know, when sometimes you say you need space, I didn't have space. That reminded me that, that it's really important for me to continue to Be part of spaces and relationships where I can be my full self. And in those places, in those relationships where I can, to keep setting and reinforcing my boundaries.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: And so this all reminded me of again, I feel my best when I am my full authentic self, when I am quote unquote authentic to what my essence is, what makes me, me. I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very straightforward person. I'm a very passionate person. I, um, Yeah, I have very, very strong beliefs and I have learned over [00:08:00] time, I've gotten better at really aligning myself, my actions, my life with my values.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: I'm still learning. I make mistakes. I'm not perfect, but I'm getting better each and every day. And so it felt like such a compliment to hear someone say that I have that strong sense of faith in my authenticity. And I thought to myself, well, This might be an interesting topic to talk about with my audience because I have a sense that some of you are currently occupying spaces or, um, being part of spaces, entering spaces where you don't feel like you're You fit in, you don't feel like you're accepted.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: You don't feel like your voice matters. And I know what that feels like. I really deeply know what that feels like. And it wasn't until I started to learn more about myself and share a little bit more about myself publicly that I [00:09:00] started to form closer ties and bonds with people. So I would love for you to explore how you could potentially find ways to to tap into your authenticity a little bit more.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: And I want to acknowledge that I do hold sites of privilege that allow me to be more of who I am publicly. I am now self employed, which means I don't have to worry about censoring myself due to my employer potentially firing me for being pro Palestine and wanting to cease fire. I don't have to worry about that.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Right? I also, um, get to choose who I work with. So I don't have to worry that if I do or say something that I'm going to lose, I don't know, my, my sense of livelihood. Um, I am being more intentional [00:10:00] about the spaces that I'm part of so that I limit my, the, the amounts of times I'm in spaces that feel toxic to me.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: So that's another privilege. But even if you are, let's say you're, you're part of academia, cause I know a lot of my folks. Folks, a lot of my listeners, your undergrads, your grad students. You are folks kind of within the ivory tower in some way, shape or form. You're part of higher ed. And I know having been a student, having been an employee that, yeah, that higher ed can feel pretty oppressive sometimes.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: And there are a lot of spaces where you don't feel safe to be yourself. But you know what? There's also the opportunities for you to create what some people call counter spaces. Spaces where you do fit in. Spaces where you do find your people. And how do you do that? I, I like to think of it as um, [00:11:00] An energy exchange.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: The more I am myself around others publicly, the more I attract people who share similar identity markers and similar values. I don't only have relationships with people with same identities as me. I have Many amazing, wonderful people with very different identities as me, but we uphold very similar values and that's why we get along so well.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: So think about that for yourself about, yeah, you might have to be strategic and careful about where you show up as your full self. It might not be like literally, it might not be safe for you, physically safe for you to show up as yourself in some places. I get that. I also get that. It can be a different type of pain and a different type of harm to not be yourself to, to hold [00:12:00] back big parts of who you are.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: And so I just want you to consider that. I want you to consider more ways that you can show up as your authentic self, finding more people where it is safe and comfortable for you to be your full self, and then see where that takes you. Because for me, It has opened up new relationships. It has opened up new opportunities.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: It has opened up new insights. And I feel like I'm not, I haven't even gotten to the deep end in terms of where this can take me. I feel like there's so much more to come in a very exciting way of like, the sky's the limit in terms of where my authenticity can take me. And, um, Yeah, that's, that's it.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: That's today's message. I just want you to consider ways to show up as your [00:13:00] full self in more spaces, especially in spaces and around people who allow you to be that, who embrace you, who want more of you.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: When I think about All the times that I'm really, really struggling and I'm tempted to be by myself in my struggles. I then I'm reminded, but you know what? I do have loved ones, but you know what? I do have chosen fam, but you know what? I have developed really wonderful relationships over time. And yes, no matter what your age is, you can still build friendships.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: I'm here to tell you, as someone who's in my mid thirties, that you can build friendships after 30 and you can build some strong, dope ass friendships. Like one, at least one of my besties right now. is someone I only met a year [00:14:00] or two ago. Another one of my besties is someone I only reconnected a couple of years ago.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: And then of course, I have some of my college besties and grad school besties. And at one point in my life, I actually, I thought that you couldn't have multiple best friends. I think I've said this on the podcast before, maybe, maybe I haven't. But I used to think that you could only have one best friend and that was it.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: And anyone else was just a friend. And, , Now I don't think that way. I think that there's a lot of room for friendships. There's also a lot of room for best friends. Of course, you have to earn that title. It has to be a , reciprocal relationship. And I also believe in there's a difference between friendships and acquaintances.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: There's a difference between friendships and acquaintances. There's a difference between friendships and mentees, uh, or femtees. There's a difference between friendships and family. There's a difference between friendships [00:15:00] and relatives. There's a difference between family and relatives. That's a whole other conversation.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Um, but just know that relationships are important. And also your relationship with yourself is important. And the more that you can show up as yourself for yourself, the better your relationship with be, will be with you, which will then create a , domino effect of improving your relationships with others and of you weeding out the folks that don't deserve your time and attention.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: That's it for today's episode. I hope you found at least one little bit of today's episode helpful. My Wednesday episodes are my shorter episodes, and I don't typically have notes for these episodes, so sometimes I do feel like I'm kind of just going off on a tangent. But let me know if you're enjoying them, because, you know, if you're [00:16:00] not, I also want to hear that.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: And, , I'm trying to keep these short, short and sweet. Just thoughts that come up for me. And then my Friday episodes are longer episodes. Usually I have notes or I have guests and I like to have a little bit of a balance. So if you're enjoying it, let me know and I will talk to you all next time.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: Thanks so much for joining me in the Grad School Femtoring Podcast. If you like what you heard, here are four ways you can support the show. The first is to make sure you're subscribed and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. If you email me a screenshot, I'll send you a surprise freebie. The second way is to get your copy of my free Grad School Femtoring Resource Kit.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: which includes essential information to prepare for and navigate grad school. You can access it at the link in today's show notes. The third way to support my show is to follow me on social media. You can find me on Instagram with the handle at grad school, [00:17:00] femtoring and on LinkedIn by searching my name.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu: The last way to show your love is to order a copy of is grad school for me. My graduate school admissions book for first gen BIPOCs. Thanks again for listening and until next time.

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