191: Institutional Neglect and Shame Among First-Gen Grad Students

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Hi, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Grad School Femtoring podcast. This is your host, Dra. Yvette. I'm an academic coach, author, speaker to first gen BIPOC students. Today, I thought I would record a brief episode around my thoughts on institutional neglect and shame among first generation grad students.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

This topic came to mind for me, because, as a lot of you know- unless you're new here- I am an academic coach, and I work primarily with first gen students and early career professionals. I work with undergrads. I work with grad students, and I work with folks who are recently making the transition into their first job out of grad school. I have noticed a trend among my grad student clients. A lot of them have sought me out, have found out about me- usually, it's like a referral, friend of a friend, or they find me on Instagram. And they are in need of help and support. That's why they decided to reach out and to hire me.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But why are they needing support? In several cases, I've noticed that they're dealing with issues of institutional neglect. They're also experiencing a lot of feelings of shame. These are folks who have been in grad school for more years than they care to acknowledge. These are folks who are going into years eight, nine and ten, and they're just read. They're like, I'm ready to finish and I need this extra support. I want to share with you what I share with them, which is to say that, yes. They are struggling with institutional neglect. And no, that is not okay. Yes, their feelings are valid, and yes, they deserve support.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

When I'm talking about institutional neglect, I am talking about an institution's failure to provide their students with the necessary resources they need to thrive. For a lot of people-especially if you're first gen, especially if you're BIPOC- we sometimes internalize shame. We start to feel like we are inadequate. We start to think that it's our fault- that we are not doing enough, that we have failed ourselves, or that we have too many things wrong about us or shortcomings, or you name it. And I do think that these two things kind of play on each other. There's a relationship between experiencing institutional neglect and then also starting to feel these feelings of shame.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

There was actually another post that reminded me- not just talking to my clients, but when I'm on social media. There was a post by someone who- I won't mention their name, but is an academic influencer and is a current graduate student. In their stories they shared about how they had advanced to candidacy and they had finally, several months later, filed for their IRB. They had not shared this publicly and they had not rewarded themselves or celebrated these milestones because of the feeling of shame.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And I sigh, because I know what that feels like, of comparing yourself to others, comparing yourself to this timeline that a lot of graduate students are expected to meet that does not account for the many different obstacles that some graduate students have to face because of their multiple marginalized intersectional identities. I mean, I messaged that person even though I don't know them, saying you shouldn't feel shame. You should celebrate. That's amazing. Congratulations. And I thought to myself, I wish I could say this in people's ears everywhere, about how, yes, you should celebrate your milestones. Yes, your timeline might look different, and that's okay. And if you're struggling with institutional neglect, it's not your fault. There's nothing wrong with you and it is not okay.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So, what does institutional neglect even look like? How do I even identify that? How do you figure that out for yourself? That can look like having an MIA mentor or advisor. This one is common. A lot of people say, oh, my advisor's hands off. I haven't talked to them. They don't respond to my emails. It's been months since we last met. That is neglect y'all, even if they warned you about it. If they warned you about it, or if you're thinking of going to grad school and someone says I'm a hands off professor, you make sure you ask- how hands off? Or how often do you typically meet with your graduate students? Because I feel like that's just justifying neglect- saying I'm a hands off professor. You want to find out what you're signing up for if you're new to grad school. But if you are a current graduate student, just know that you are entitled to meeting with your advisor on a regular and consistent basis, and that it should not be okay for this person to go missing on you for months at a time.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

It can also look like not getting adequate funding. I know this is kind of like it depends on what type of program you're in, because some programs, especially in the professional master's programs, there's an expectation that you're not going to be getting funding. But if you're in a doctoral program, I would not recommend accepting an offer unless you get something close to a full funding package. Because it's not even full funding- I mean, I've talked about this in other episodes. You are going to be providing so much labor to this program and to this institution, bordering on or sometimes definitely being exploited by that institution, getting paid poverty level, wages or stipends. The least they can do is provide you with funding. So if you're not getting adequate funding to make at least a bare bones budget to meet your bare minimum bills to survive, that's not okay.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And I feel the same way about this with graduate students as I do about postdocs. I have clients who have gotten these very prestigious postdocs, and they're living in high cost of living areas. All of a sudden, they do the math and they're like, this is the biggest salary I've ever made in my life. Then they take that salary and we together do the math. Okay, let's take out 30% to account for taxes and benefits- now, that's your actual net income, what you're actually going to take home. Now let's divide that by 12. That's your take home amount that you have to live on every month. And they realize that the majority of that's gonna go to their cost of living, to their housing. That's not okay. That is not okay. And I say this as someone who is still not making a high income. I say not yet, because I'm working on it. But not having adequate funding to survive- that's not okay.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Another form of institutional neglect is if your department or your program promotes isolation. Yes, I understand that there are a lot of doctorate programs- mine included, it's very common in the humanities- where you're expected to do isolated research or independent research or sole authored research. I understand that. But if there's no sense of community, if you're not getting invited to things, if you don't feel safe in your institution, so that's why you're isolated- that is a no no for me.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Institutional neglect can also look like when you face microaggressions, when you face discrimination, when folks are not including you, are not making you feel a sense of belonging. Again, you feel like your presence is not- it's this...a lot of us who are people of color we experience this like- I don't even know how to describe it. But it's this twofold experience of being both invisible and hyper visible. So you feel invisible in that your identity isn't like fully accepted and embraced in your institution. You feel you feel invisible in that way. But then hyper visible, because you might be one of a couple of POC if you're in a predominantly white institution, or in a predominantly white department. That can be tricky, and that can make you really feel like you don't belong, and even like you're being neglected. Like you're there, but you're not really there. Does that make sense to you?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

That's what I mean when I think about institutional neglect. There's also some really, really obvious examples of folks who have had their advisors pass away, leave, or retire. Then they get passed around, kind of tossed around to different professors. And they're kind of left off to kind of figure things out by themselves. No, you deserve better than that. Again, those are the examples. That's what I mean when I'm talking about institutional neglect.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

All right, what do I want to say? I think we should talk about how do you even cope with this, if you realize- yep, that's me. Something that I said resonated with you. You're dealing with neglect. You're feeling shame. You're struggling in your graduate program. I want to say this, and I'm gonna say this over and over and over again. You're gonna get annoyed at me. But you deserve to ask for help. You deserve support. You deserve to advocate for yourself. So that is my tip or advice for you if you are in this situation.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

You need to find support. Find support in the form of peers- and it doesn't have to be folks in your department. It can be peers in other departments at your institution or even in other programs nationwide. And yes, networking is part of that process. It's okay to put yourself out there, to start a LinkedIn account or join whatever social media feels comfortable to you. I recommend LinkedIn because you'll find a lot of academics there. Twitter's also really great- although I've never personally been- I never quite figured out Twitter, so I'm not really on there as much. But I know academic Twitter is a thing. So find the space where you feel like you can build community with peers and like minded folks.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Similarly, seek out mentors- even if you are someone who has had a bad experience with advisors and mentors. That's not to say that there aren't good people out there who will have your back- who will not only be a mentor, but might even also be a sponsor. Someone who's going to say your name in places. I had someone who recently sponsored a student so that I could coach the student to share some study strategies with a student. That's amazing. That's not just a mentor. This person is a sponsor. And I think that is awesome, because it's like a two fold thing - supporting a small woman of color on business, while also sponsoring a first gen student of color.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Anyway- now I'm forgetting what I was saying. Oh yeah, seek the support. Find other mentors, femtors. Don't get discouraged if you have run into some bad apples. There are some amazing people in higher ed and even outside of higher ed too. Another thing I'm gonna say is just a gentle reminder that if you have access to mental health services, please take advantage of them while you still have graduate student insurance. Because there will be a day when you wish you could go see a therapist and not have to pay a full rate. Even a sliding scale rate can be a lot for some of us.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

If you have access- even if you're not struggling with anything major. It's just like a tuneup. It's just like an annual exam. We all deserve to get support and a therapist is a great way to do that. Another thing you can do is to- going back to this topic of networking- to find community outside of your institution as well. That can be online that can be in person- whatever feels good and safe and comfortable for you.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Another huge, huge thing that will help to combat the shame that you might be feeling is to exercise self compassion- to try to remind yourself, to talk to yourself and to treat yourself the way that you would to a friend. If a friend shared something with you and they're struggling, are you going to say- you should just suck it up. Or you should have tried harder. You're a failure. If you wouldn't say that to your friend, why would you say that to yourself? Self- compassion is huge.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

It's actually a great way to combat a lot of the isms and to combat white supremacy and to combat patriarchy because if you're compassionate with yourself, and you're like- why am I treating myself this way? And you think, wow. It all roots back to white supremacy. It all roots back to patriarchy. Why am I trying to get myself to do too much than my body can handle? Why do I think I have to do this all by myself? Why do I think I have to follow this timeline that's not quite working with me and my circumstances? You can tie it back to the root of the problem and know that it's not you that's the problem. That self compassion is going to help you out a lot. I know it helps me a lot.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Then like I said, make sure that you speak up, that you advocate. It's very uncomfortable. It's hard to set boundaries. It's hard to ask for what you need. You may experience pushback. It can be risky. But think about like, do the benefits of you advocating for yourself outweigh the cons of potentially someone pushing back? A lot of times, the benefits do outweigh it. So I will encourage you to advocate for yourself, because it's going to be one of multiple instances for the rest of your life that you're going to need to advocate for yourself.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

All right. I want to add a quick message to the professors who listen to this podcast, the administrators who listen to this podcast, and just say that you play a role in making sure that you combat, that you minimize, or completely eradicate institutional neglect in your department- especially with your students. Make sure that you think twice about the type of support and services that your department provide- that you provide through your mentorship and femtorships. How can you keep promoting diversity and representation and inclusion and belonging and all these things- especially if you're not a person of color, especially if you're someone who holds certain privileges. Even more so, you should be thinking about ways to increase representation and also shift the culture to be more inclusive of all different types of people.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Make sure that you can not only be a mentor, but be a sponsor to others- that you put people in touch to open up opportunities for your students. Also, modeling is really important. I just want to -maybe this needs to be shouted on the rooftops as well, about the importance of modeling if you are a mentor or femtor to others. For for instance, I had a client who I was working with, helping her with grad school apps. She would constantly message me back within minutes of when I would send her an email. And I told her- just a heads up. I take 24 to 48 hours on average to get back to people. And also it's completely okay for you to take as long as you need to get back to me.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I usually don't give people a heads up. Or I usually wait and give people seven days response to get back to me before I will message them again and say hey- did you get my last message? Is everything okay? So I just wanted to remind her- you don't have to reply to me right away. It's okay. I know you have a life outside of this. That was just one way of me modeling to her that you don't have to be on top of things 24/7. You don't have to be on 24/7. You deserve to step away from your email and to rest.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But modeling can look like anything. It can look like showing your students when you're taking breaks. It can look like being more open about the type of boundaries that you have, about how you take care of yourself and promote your own wellness. It can look like reminding others by doing it yourself. It's kind of reminds me of parenting. I always think like the best lesson learned is the one that you model to your children. Don't tell your children- hey, don't smoke or drink alcohol if you yourself are smoking and drinking alcohol in front of them. That's an exaggerated example.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But whatever it is that you want to promote, you should be modeling that as well. If you're modeling overwork, if you're modeling burnout, if you're constantly working, working, working, you really think your students are going to try to take care of themselves during that process? No. We got to check ourselves too to make sure that our actions are not promoting institutional neglect too.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

That is all I had to say about neglect and shame off the top of my head. I didn't prepare many notes today. But it is a topic that I've had on my mind the last couple of days. I thought okay, even if it's not the most eloquent discussion, I want to raise attention to it so that you start to think about it too. And that you start to do things so that you make sure you don't get yourself in a situation where you experience neglect and shame. And if you do, so that you know what to do to get out of it. I hope y'all have a good rest of your week, and I'll talk to you all next time.