168: Lessons from 2022: On Coaching, Moving Abroad, Writing, and Podcasting

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Hola everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Grad School Femtoring podcast. This is your host Dra. Yvette. It's mid December now- can you all believe it? I can't believe it. It's nearing the end of this calendar year. I thought that for today's episode, I would share some of the lessons that I learned in 2022. And I'll be especially highlighting lessons that I've learned from a year of coaching, writing, moving and living abroad, and podcasting. Because those are some areas- those are some major highlights from my year, in addition to parenting and strengthening my relationships with loved ones. But for the purpose of this podcast, I thought I'd focus on on the coaching, the podcasting, the writing, and also my experience moving abroad, because that has certainly informed the way that I've been doing my work this year.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

For those of you that are not familiar with who I am or what I do, I am a first gen Chicana academic coach. I'm also disabled. I have chronic illnesses and I'm neurodivergent. I'm highly sensitive, and also have to manage depression and anxiety symptoms every now and then. I had a career in higher ed for over 10 years. I went to grad school. I got a PhD in theater and performance studies. I then started working full time in the University of California system supporting first gen students of color in applying to grad school. And it's been a little bit over a year since I have been providing academic coaching services full time.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

That involves supporting people with grad school applications, fellowship applications, job applications. But then also supporting individuals in navigating difficult life transitions. Perhaps they're early career or mid career professionals trying to really balance out their life, trying to reflect and think about what their values are, how they want to design their life. That's the kind of support I provide. I provide a lot of writing support, personal development, support with organizational skills, time management, things like that. And I've learned a lot this year, because even though I've been supporting students for over 10 years, coaching itself is a little different than femtoring and mentoring.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

When I think about femtorship and mentorship, I think about you supporting and guiding someone in pursuing a pathway that you yourself have some experience in. Similarly, I have done consulting work and consulting is also different. Consulting is where you are supporting an individual by providing professional advice. If you're doing grant writing consulting, which I've done, it's actually supporting someone with their grant writing process. It's telling them or giving them options for what to do, or sometimes doing the work for them. Some consultants do that as well. They'll develop the curriculum for nonprofits. They'll draft grants for certain programs. You name it. Consultants do a lot of this type of work, where they're giving professional advice and telling you what to do based off their professional experience.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Now, coaching is- I've become more and more of a fan of it. And I'm leaning more on doing this more along the lines of supporting people holistically in their full life- not just through academics, not just supporting them in their higher ed pathway. But really supporting them in all other areas of their life so that they can live more meaningful lives. That's what I've been doing for myself in my life too. Coaching is a two way street, where the relationship between the coaching client and the coach is really important. You are in a reciprocal and lateral relationship, where the coach is there to support you in meeting your goals, to ask open ended and guiding questions, to help you come up with your own conclusions, with your own options to whatever issue has come up for you, to determining your own goals and the types of outcomes that you want in your life.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And that's really, really gratifying. I absolutely love coaching folks. Similarly, I absolutely love this podcasting work, where I get to do this type of self reflection and share it with others, where I get to interview these really awesome folks who motivate and inspire me and again, share their knowledge with others. I want to keep doing this work, and this is what I'm going to keep doing going into 2023. But let me think about my reflection and what lesson I've learned from coaching. If I could sum it all up into one primary lesson that I've learned this year from coaching, it has been this- that there is never a stage where you no longer need help from others. It doesn't necessarily- I'm not even just referring to coaching. I mean asking you for help in the form of finding femtors, finding coaches.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Even in some cases, finding a therapist, because therapists are great for those of us that have conditions where at any point in time, maybe you're no longer feeling functional or you need professional support. You need a diagnosis. You may need medication. If you are really struggling, I highly recommend finding a way to be able to access a therapist or a psychiatrist or some sort of professional who can help you navigate your kind of mental health issues. But the point is, we can all benefit from professional support. How have I been benefiting from the support of others?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I have met these really great, inspiring folks who, they themselves have moved abroad to and have done so before I have, or maybe have moved multiple times. This is not their first time like in my case. It's my first time moving abroad. It's been great to have folks to tap into to ask questions about their experiences or about some things that have come up for me. Similarly, I have mentors and femtors who are senior professors, and who value and respect my decision to leave my career in higher ed. And not only that, but they're folks who are referring other people in my way. That means a lot, because as someone who relies on my coaching income to support my family, gaining new clients and retaining them is really important to me. It makes a difference. It actually helps to keep the lights on for us. So their referrals, and the referrals of my current clients, and the referrals of my podcast listeners, that means a lot to me.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I've also leaned on the supportive peers in this entrepreneurial and edupreneurs and mompreneural space. I feel like that's a tongue tie. I just want to say red leather yellow leather, or parangaricutirimicuaro. All these tongue twisters. But yeah, the entrepreneurial space - I can't even say that word - has offered me these networking opportunities to meet some great folks who are a little bit more experienced than I am, who have been doing this for a few more years, or maybe even five, ten plus years. So they have a lot of wisdom to share. And I try to do my best to make it a reciprocal relationship. I don't want to just take. I want to give as much as I'm receiving in terms of support from my network, from my community.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But it's not easy for me to ask for help. And I anticipate that it's probably not easy for you to ask for help. Maybe you might be thinking about- you've been thinking for a while, I really want to work with a coach. Or maybe you've been thinking for a while- I really want to find a therapist. Or maybe you've been thinking for a while- I really need to get new mentors and femtors. If that's the case, this is just your reminder that it's okay to ask for help. I've been there. I still struggle with reaching out.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But I set these small manageable goals, reach out - and what's the worst that can happen? Someone doesn't reply back to your message. Or what's the worst that can happen? Someone- I don't know- maybe they're not available at this time. Or maybe you realize that this is not a good fit and you decide to find someone else to support you or to help you. That's fine too. That's a big lesson for me with coaching and being in this eduprenuer space. It's reminding myself that there's never a time in your life when you don't need help. It's okay to ask for help.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Now, let me talk about my moving abroad experience, because I have not talked about it too much on the podcast. I try to focus a lot on my three pillars of content, which is demystifying higher ed or demystifying grad school, and sharing sustainable productivity tips and strategies, as well as offering insights on supporting your personal development. Those are areas that I love. The moving abroad for me has been a big personal development step. It was a big, big deal for me, because I have, for a long time, wanted to move outside of California. I was born and raised in the Southern California area.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And I tried. I tried to move out of state for grad school. It didn't happen, because I didn't get into a doctoral program out of state. I did get into master's programs out of state, but not a doctoral program. And for my career, I tried applying to jobs, actually, specifically in Chicago, because at the time, I really wanted to move to that area. I still very much love that city, and it has a special place in my heart. But anyway, I applied to jobs in Chicago, didn't get any callbacks. I applied to this one job in Santa Barbara, got a callback, got an interview, got the job and ended up staying there for five years. It was actually a pretty good fit for me at the time, until it no longer was, until I realized I was kind of outgrowing the position. I wanted to do something differently. Hence this podcast, hence my coaching work that I do now.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So moving abroad- I am just now about a year into my move. We moved from SoCal to Porto, Portugal, completely different part of the world. I wouldn't be surprised if some of y'all don't even know where Portugal is on a map. And we moved for a lot of reasons. I left my higher ed career for a lot of reasons too. If you're curious and you want to learn more about that, I actually talked about why I left higher ed in Episode 74. So you can go back to that one, and I can link it in today's show notes if you want, to make it easier. The other episode where I talk a little bit more about my experience moving and living abroad is episode 124.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But again, I haven't talked about it that much. And I'll say this. I have really enjoyed my experience living abroad. I have found that you can find places in the world that can provide you with this deep sense of peace. I have never felt peace like I have in this city, in this country. But even with the peace that I've experienced- this is a very safe area- even with the benefits of having access to universal health care, even with meeting these really cool people who have traveled the world, this network of folks who call themselves expats- although we're immigrants, or at least that's what I choose to call myself. It's not without a fair share of struggles.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

For me, the biggest struggle has been that sense of homesickness and of missing my community. You can certainly build community anywhere you go. But who you are is also impacted by the places that you live in, and the people that you surround yourself with. And I happen to live in an area that's not very culturally, ethnically, racially diverse. That's hard for me. I also realized all throughout this year that when a lot of terrible things happen in the US- which we know it happens. I mean, those are also some of the reasons we wanted to get away. My heart was still in the US. I would hear about all these terrible things happening, and I still do. My heart is in the US. My closest friends and loved ones and family are there.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So what is the biggest lesson that I've learned from moving abroad? I think the biggest lesson is realizing that I can do hard things, and realizing that I can make a home anywhere. And also realizing that there's nothing like the love that you have for your friends, for your family. for your community. I am a Chicana from California at heart- and not even just a Chicana from California. I'm from LA. A lot of yall- actually a good portion of my listeners are from California. There's actually a good concentration of y'all- just for my stats that I see- that are from SoCal too. So yall know what I mean.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

If you have never moved outside of California, or if you've never traveled abroad, I would strongly encourage you to try it out at least once, just so that you can get to know yourself that much more deeply than you would when you stay in one place for most of your life. But I also wanted to kind of share this one thing, because it reminds me of the big lesson of my moving abroad. And for those of y'all that are curious, I am planning to move back to the US. I wasn't sure. We were a few months, and I was like it's kind of nice here. I don't know, maybe we'll stay here. Maybe we'll stay here for five years and get our citizenship, and then eventually move to another country or move back to the US. That was our thinking initially. We left it open ended.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And then my two youngest siblings, they came to visit. They're going into their mid 20s. And oh my gosh, my heart. I babysat them. I change their diapers. They're full grown adults now. And ooh, I felt it so hard when they left and went back to the states. I had not felt that kind of deep sense of longing and grief. I had not felt that before. So yeah, actually, after that, we changed our mind. We're like, actually, I think we want to move back to the US. We haven't set the dates in stone yet, but probably within the next- I don't know, fastest would be six months to two years from now, from mid December 2022.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I was gonna say that the last thing I wanted to share about moving abroad- not just that, the fact that we're planning to move back to the States. We don't even know where in the states yet. But I had a guest on my podcast, Dra. Lisette Sanchez. She was a guest on Episode 165, and she talked about mental health awareness. One quote that she said that has stayed with me- and it's gonna stay with me for a while. She said, I'm first gen. I collect firsts. Oh my gosh, I love that.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Just like I have certain phrases I say, like no means next. Anytime there's an opportunity, if it doesn't work out, I say no means next and move on to the next thing. That opportunity was not meant for me. Something bigger and better is out there. Just like I say trust your gut, trust your intuition. The gut is a very big thing for me, especially as someone who has a chronic illness involved with a lot of stomach pain. I trust my gut and my intuition.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But her quote, I collect firsts. Wow, what an amazing quote that is, because yes, being first gen has been such a valuable asset in moving abroad. I have much more awareness about myself, about my capabilities. I know that I can do hard things, because I've done them before. And you're first gen too probably, because you're listening to this podcast. And that means that how incredible is it, how amazing are you. You can do that too, if you dream of moving abroad, or moving out of state, or moving out of your city, or whatever it is- that big, lofty dream that you have. It may not be easy. But if you really work towards that goal, just be careful because it can happen. That's why I tell people- I'm like, I'm a doer. Don't get an idea in my head. Please do not get an idea in my head, because if you get an idea in my head, I will do it. That's probably the case for you all as you develop your self confidence, as you do more hard things. You're going to realize, wow. There's so much that I can do. I can do these hard things.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Now, my lessons with- I think this next part of the lesson has to do with writing and podcasting, because that has been a big part of my life this past year. Consistently putting out episodes every week, consistently writing and working on my Grad School Femtoring Guide. If y'all haven't heard about it, it's a book that I'm co authoring with the Dra. Miroslava Chavez-Garcia, all about successfully navigating the grad school admissions process. And we have drafted it. We're gonna start the revision process soon. We're waiting for feedback from reviewers, because we are publishing it with a University Press.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So what are my biggest lessons with writing and with podcasting? Well, I'll say this. First that I have never felt like I was the best writer or the best speaker. It's kind of funny, because I majored in English literature in college, and I minored in theater in college. And I have been working on my writing. I've been working on my public speaking and performing skills for many, many years, and yet never really arrived at a place where I felt like I was a writer, or a performer, or a speaker. But now, I am feeling a lot more comfortable and confident because of my years of experience, and because I know that things don't have to be perfect for you to get started. So with both things- with podcasting, with writing- I've learned that it's okay to do things slowly and consistently.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And that if you strongly believe in the message that you want to put out there, then go ahead and do it. I have folks in my DMs throughout this year who have reached out to me for a personal consult, just like a personal meeting completely for free, where I offer my insights on podcasting, because they are interested in creating their own podcast. And that's great. Why not share? Why not share information? Why not get more voices out there? I also get folks to reach out to me to ask, how do you publish a book? I really want to become an author. I really want to write about blah, blah, blah. How did you get your book deal with UC press? And of course, I meet with them. I share what I've learned. I don't know it all. But I know based off what I what I've done, based off my experience, and I'm happy to share that.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I'm just really excited and proud, because this year we went from a book idea, to book proposal, to book deal, to drafting the full book and getting it sent out to reviewers. What an incredible accomplishment. I want to give myself and my co author a pat on the back for that. And then the other thing with my podcast, is that this year my podcast was ranked as a top 10% most shared globally and top 10% most followed podcasts. I have even started receiving sponsorship requests, which I have yet to take seriously because any ads or sponsorships that I ever accept have to be a good fit for my listeners. That's important to me. But how amazing to have over 42,000 streams, to have 500 of you consider me as one of your top podcasts. That is amazing. I love that I have this audience. I'm so grateful to you. I want to thank you. You all have made this possible.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

The same thing with the book. Once we get to the preorder stage, once we get to really have people help spread the word, I hope that you all will help to support us in getting this book to as many universities as possible, to as many first gen students as possible, to help again, demystify higher ed, break down those gatekeeping walls or doors, and really help people to pursue their dreams of getting an advanced degree and pursuing the career of their dreams, and ideally a life of their dreams as well. So doing things slowly, doing things consistently, doing them over time, it really really does pay off. That's the lesson that I've learned, is really doing things slowly, consistently over time. That pays off.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Before ending today's episode, I thought I'd share what you can expect from me in 2023, because I love this time of year. I don't love the winter season, and seasonal affective disorder is definitely a thing that sometimes kind of impacts me. But what I do love about this time of year is one, holiday season and reconnecting with loved ones, and two, end of calendar year and getting to assess my year, reflect on my year, set intentions for the new year, and set goals for the coming quarter and year. Why do I enjoy this? I am a planner. I love setting goals. That stuff keeps me going, keeps me motivated. And I do it year round.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But there's this special energy that I get at the end of a year. It really feels like you have this opportunity to start a new. And it depends on how you set your goals, because if you set really open ended and very big lofty goals, you might get discouraged over and over and over again. But if you set goals or intentions that are manageable, that are aligned with your values, and then you start to see yourself slowly but surely accomplishing them, it feels really, really good. So even maintenance, even having goals of maintaining things that are going well in your life, that's great.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

For me, I'm thinking about what's coming up for me in 2023. It's continuing to work on the book and work on revisions, and getting it ready for publication in spring 2024. It's continuing to do this podcast and continuing to reach out to my audience to see what kind of topics you want to hear about, what kind of guests you want me to have on, getting to meet more amazing people through the podcast. I'm looking forward to that too. I'm also going to be taking on more coaching clients. Why? Because I've decided I really want to pursue getting a coaching certification and enrolling in a coaching certification program. For that, you have a certain number of hours that you're required to complete of coaching so that you can get that certification. And you get a lot of training. I'm excited to get science backed, evidence based training in tools, strategies, and methods related to positive psychology to continue to enhance my skill set.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Because yes, I am a soon to be published author, soon to be certified coach, and who knows what else will happen in the future? These are the things that I'm leaning into right now, that I'm attracted to right now, that I know are going to help me to better support my community. And again, I'm excited. I'm excited for the future, for what's to come. I'm excited to sign up for this coaching certification program. I have two top choices, and I'm meeting with alumni to make the final decision of which program to pursue. Within a year or ayear and a half, I'll have that certification, which is really great experience for me.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Then, like I mentioned earlier about my whole moving abroad experience, I'm really going to try to take advantage of the experiences that I have at my fingertips while I'm still in Europe. And also do my research to figure out what's a good place for us to land in when we do move back to the US, and to figure out a timeline and how to make it possible. If you think about something just as this one big lofty goal, it can be big and scary and overwhelming. But because I know that I can break it down, that I can do it on my own terms, within my own timeline, whatever pace works best for me, I'm a little less scared, a little less intimidated at making another international move.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So that is my update. That is my very personal update. I always hesitate with recording solo episodes that are more on the personal side, because one, I don't know how much of my personal life you all want to hear. Two, I don't know how much of my personal life I'm comfortable sharing. I like to be vulnerable and open. But I also don't want to get so intimate that I'm putting everything out there, especially as my audience continues to grow. But I also want y'all to know what's going on. I mean, that's part of maintaining that authenticity as a podcaster, as a coach, as a public intellectual and thought leader. Y'all need to know what's going on in my life to some extent, because again, all of this informs the work that I do so.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

My last thing is I just want to thank everybody. I want to thank my listeners. I want to thank my current and former client, my current and former femtees. Everybody who has supported my work. Thank you so much for another wonderful year. I'm really excited to continue to do this work into 2023. I'm also looking forward to connecting with more folks, and to meeting more of you, and to hearing from you all. As I always say, please, please, please, if you enjoy my podcast, leave a review. Send me a message. I love love hearing from you all. That's it for today, and I will talk to you all next time.