166: Reducing Overwhelm at School and Work Before the Holiday Break

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of the Grad School Femtoring podcast. This is your host, Dra. Yvette. For today's episode, I thought I would record on the topic of reducing overwhelm at school and work before the holiday break. This time of year, specifically the time in between the Thanksgiving holiday and the December holidays, can be really hectic for a lot of us. And it can be especially overwhelming for many people, particularly for those of us who are highly sensitive, those of us who may be or have ADHD, may be autistic or on the autism spectrum, suffer from PTSD or anxiety disorders. Or even for those of us who experienced childhood trauma.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

It can be hard to emotionally regulate. And by emotionally regulate, I mean our ability to effectively manage and respond to our emotions. It can be hard to do that any time of year, nut it's especially hard this time of year. Even if you don't struggle with any of the things I mentioned earlier, it is a stressful season. Stress is normal, but too much stress is not good for you. Knowing this about myself as a highly sensitive person, knowing that I do get easily overwhelmed during the fall quarter, fall semester, during this winter season, I thought I'd share some strategies that have helped me with managing the overwhelm and reducing the overwhelm.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

The first strategy I want to share is to prioritize your tasks by urgency and due dates. Then ask yourself, what is essential here? This is a great thing to do any time of year. But it's especially helpful right now, because sometimes we can get into this habit of working on autopilot. You know what you have to get done most of the year. You know when you have to go to work. You may have a schedule and a routine. But then with the holiday season, more things start to pile on. All of a sudden, these things get thrown off.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So what do you do? You have to go back to your initial set of priorities, and really think about okay, what do I absolutely have to get done right now? I'm feeling really overwhelmed. What are the things that are overwhelming? What do I have control over? What do I absolutely have to get done? What is essential? It can help to- and I don't necessarily do this, but I know that I have it as a tool if I ever need to- you can create a not to do list. You've got your to do list and your priorities based off that to do lists.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But then a not to do list is the things you're not going to do. This could include- an example of a task like this would be, I'm not going to be checking emails every hour. Because sometimes, if you get especially busy, that can be a way to avoid the discomfort of working on the things that are really overwhelming- the thing, the tasks that are really uncomfortable and feel unmanageable, and the things that are actually going to push the needle forward.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

The not to do lists are the things that are not really going to be that helpful. Do you find yourself procrastiworking? That means doing tasks that are technically tasks to get work done, but aren't actually making a big dent in the things that matter, the things that are going to help you get from point A to point B. Point A being everything that gets in the way of you then eventually taking a winter break or finishing off your semester. So first thing is prioritize your tasks by urgency and due dates, and ask yourself what's essential.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

The next thing we recommend- and I don't know how many of us actually think about this. I think about it, and I implement it from time to time. Not all of the time, but when I get especially overwhelmed it helps to have this as a little tool. That is to find ways to reduce decision fatigue. Decision fatigue refers to the ways that after you make one too many decisions, your ability to make additional decisions actually worsens. Let's say you wake up, and you're trying to decide what outfit you're going to wear. You're going back and forth, back and forth, can't figure it out, eventually find something. Next, you're trying to decide, what am I going to have for breakfast? Again, not really sure- back and forth, back and forth. Finally, you land on something.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Then you are trying to figure out where you're going to work. Maybe today is a work from home day, or maybe you have the option to change locations. You're trying to decide - am I going to work from home? Am I going to work at the coffee shop? Am I going to work at my friend's place? Whatever it is, you can't decide. Eventually, after a while, back and forth, back and forth, you decide. You notice that by the time you sit down and actually start to get work done, you've gone through so many decisions that that in of itself can be draining. That takes up energy.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Why not save that energy by having a preset uniform? This week, you're going to just wear a basic sweater and jeans and flats all week. Or this week, you're going to have the same breakfast every week. Maybe it's an egg. Maybe it's yogurt with the same toppings. Maybe it's cereal. You name it- whatever it is that is nourishing to you. Maybe for lunch, you're gonna eat the same lunch. I'm just gonna have the same boring salad for lunch, or the same boring soup for lunch or whatever it is that you know that you can just get together really quickly, every day. So you don't have to think about it. It's okay for things to be boring in order for you to reduce decision fatigue. I mean, some things are gonna repeat themselves, and that's okay. Because remember, this is not all the time- although you can do it all the time if that works for you. But it just helps. If it's an especially busy season, reducing decision fatigue helps.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

The next tip I thought I'd mentioned is- and this one is for all the people, not the people pleasers, all the perfectionist folks out there. And that is considered what the bare minimum work would look like. Consider what good enough work would look like. This doesn't mean you're going to turn in bare minimum work or good enough work. But this does mean that if you're in a pinch, if you're running out of time, if all of a sudden something happened that threw a wrench in your plans, if maybe you're not feeling well physically or mentally, you're having one of those days. What does the bare minimum look like?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Instead of completely giving up on life, you know- okay, this thing happened. I'm not going to be able to turn in something to the best of my ability like I thought. But what does good enough work look like? And I think about this because I have struggled with that as a recovering perfectionist. I want to give my all to things. I have a very high level and high expectation for myself. So when I give anything that's less than that- even in sometimes my coaching sessions- I'm not feeling 100%. But you know what? I'm feeling like 80, 90%. My 80 90% is still really great.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I mean, when I end the session, someone says- wow, that was really helpful. Oh my gosh, so many gems, and I'm at 80%. That is good enough. So just ask yourself- okay, what is good enough? In terms of my work, in terms of my writing, in terms of my - you name it that you have to get done. What is good enough? Sometimes you will revert to it. You don't have to do good enough work all the time. But sometimes you will, and it's okay.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Next tip is to organize your day and week ahead. This one for me is one of my go to things always, always, always to reduce my overwhelm. Why? Because when you think about the final outcome or the requirements that you have, the due dates, the thing that you need to have done at the end of this term, and you only think about that, it can seem like this really big lofty thing. Oh my gosh, I have to write 25 pages. Oh my gosh, I have this big exam. You name the thing. We have this big project at work that we have to turn in, or we have to submit this report, or whatever it is that's just like you're dreading it. It seems like this big thing.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But if you actually break it down into how you're going to break it up across several weeks and days, then it starts to look a little more manageable. Then you start to realize- okay, it feels like I can't get it done. It feels like it's this big lofty thing, but I can and this is how. So organizing your day and week ahead will help you to reduce your overwhelm, because it's going to give you a realistic idea of how much time you have to get things done. And if you find that you actually don't have enough time, then again, go back to the drawing board of- what can you let go of? What can you say no to? Is there flexibility in the deadline too? It's okay to ask for that if you really need it.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

After organizing your day and week ahead, go ahead and get started. We can spend so much time and be in our heads about this- about the thing that we're afraid to get started on, the thing that has to get done to finish off this term. But sometimes the hardest part is just getting started. It becomes this big monster in your head. Then once you start working on it, you realize- okay, that's not going as bad as I thought or it's not as hard as I imagined. Or maybe it is as hard as I imagined, but I'm getting it done. So get started.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And if you're doing a marathon session- because I will tell you. It doesn't matter how many times I will encourage people to work a little bit at a time, to be consistent, to do things- whatever your priorities are- every day. I know that life happens. I know that when I was a graduate student, I would work in chunks of time. I did not- I was not able to because of a wide number of reasons- from having a kid, to my chronic illness, to my other responsibilities. I could not work on a project every single day. So I worked in chunks. And I did do marathon sessions of writing retreats and long days that I prioritized just working on my stuff.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And I do that sometimes even to this day. With getting COVID recently, I just have not been able to work. I've been listening to my body, honoring it. I've been sleeping for 12 plus hours. And so I am having to play a little bit of catch up on some stuff and doing more work more intensively. But I remind myself that even in getting started and doing work and working in chunks, I also need to take breaks. What does that mean? That means taking breaks from the screen. That means stepping outside if you can, if it's not too cold where you're living.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

That means just giving yourself a little bit of space between you and the work, because if you're stuck in the same room working on that same project and you're not even giving yourself time to eat, to nourish your body, that is not good for your health. So take care of yourself by working on things, but also taking breaks. Even though I'm sure you have lots of big projects that are due. But you can still take short breaks, even if it is taking a minute or two to stop looking at your screen and to look elsewhere. I developed chronic dry eyes from working and sitting and staring at a screen for so long. So now every half an hour, no matter what, I need to look awa. It helps. So get started, take breaks.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Next thing is to create a look forward to list. I love this one. When I do this - I do this even to this day. I am constantly finding things to look forward to. I really do think this helps me manage my mental health too. And sometimes, it's not an actual written list. Sometimes it's just in my head. But having a look forward to list helps you to stay motivated in getting things done, because you now know all the things that you're gonna get done. What are you looking forward to? Are you looking forward to sleeping in? Cleaning your home? Are you looking forward to spending time with loved ones? Cooking, baking, watching movies, playing games, having fun? What are the things that you're looking forward to doing?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Right now, maybe you can't spend a lot of time doing those things. But you will, and that's what's gonna help to keep you going. I mean, that's how I felt with being so sick. I'm like, oh I wish I could do X, Y, and Z. But I don't have the energy, or I don't feel so good, or I'm coughing up too much. But I'm thinking about all the things that I can get done once I start to get better. It's even something like this- like, oh I can actually sit through and record a full podcast with minimal coughing. That is great for me, because I enjoy what I do. I enjoy recording this podcast. It's a highlight for me, and continues to be a highlight for me. When I was at a point in my illness where I couldn't talk, because every other line, I was coughing, that was not fun.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So have your look forward to list. List all the things you look forward to doing, and that will help you to keep going as you're getting your work done. The last thing I want to share- and I say this time and time again. If you are a faithful listener, you've heard me say this so many times. That is to ask for help. I say this a lot, because I have struggled with asking for help. I was not taught to ask for help. I was taught to be the helper. I am an eldest daughter in a Mexican immigrant, single mother household. I grew up witnessing -in a matriarch, so matriarchal family. Very few men in our lives- the men have either passed away or left. And witnessing all the self sacrificing women- they were all my maternal figures.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So I was not taught to take care of myself. I was not taught to ask for help. I was not taught to focus on the things that I want to do. It was always- tend to the needs of others. So asking for help- if you come from a similar background- it's hard. I'm gonna keep reminding you, just like I keep reminding myself. You can ask for help from a friend. I have had bad days where I've messaged my friends, and said, hey, I know you're super busy. But if you can spare 15 minutes, I'd really love to hear your voice. And guess what? They do it, because they're awesome. And that phone call actually helped.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

You can ask for help from a mentor. Maybe you're struggling with your writing. You need someone to help you with brainstorming or with creating an outline. You can ask for help from a coach - an academic coach. Maybe you have this big thing you want to get done. You want to set some goals, break the project down. That's what I help my clients with, really assessing where they are in their life, what the outcome is that they want from our sessions. Set some goals, break them up into small manageable steps, and hold them accountable to it. And it's amazing what we can get done with a little bit of help.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

You can ask for help from a therapist. I have a therapist. A lot of people I know have therapists. I know it's still stigmatized, but it's so helpful. It could be asking for help from a friend, from a spouse. Maybe you're asking for them to help you with domestic labor in the meantime, and then you'll get their back later, you know? Asking for help is the last advice to help you to reduce the overwhelm. Because if you think you have a lot to get done, and you're completely on your own, of course you're gonna be overwhelmed. But if you remind yourself- actually, you're not on your own. Even me, I'm hundreds of thousands of miles away from my family and my friends and my loved ones. But you know what? They can still help me.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

That's it for today. I hope you found at least one thing helpful. Try to think about- out of these different suggestions, from prioritizing your tasks, reducing decision fatigue, considering the bare minimum, organizing your day and week ahead, getting started, taking breaks, having your look forward to list and asking for help. Which one of those are you going to try out today? And if you're even extra motivated, send me a message and let me know what you're going to try out, okay? All right, y'all. I'll talk to you next time.