15: Self-Care and Stress Management in Academia

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Happy Sunday, everyone, sunday of a three day weekend. I hope that you're doing whatever it is you need to do to recharge and find some joy, or do something that's joyful. Today, I am going to be talking about self-care and stress management in academia. This episode is for you, if you are an undergrad, if you are in graduate school, if you are an early career academic, and you're finding yourself completely swamped, overwhelmed, burned out, anxious, depressed, and not sure what to do about it. And you're feeling stuck, but you know that you need to do something to get better. I'm talking about this right now because these are feelings and experiences that I've had time and time again. I think I kind of go in and out of waves of depression and anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, feeling like I'm doing too much. Thankfully, I've been able to gather the resources, support systems necessary to get better, and to just live a more joyful, more grounded life. So that's why I want to share that with you. I've been feeling so good that I want others to feel that way too. I want others to not let this get the best of them. This is only one part of your life. Whether it's getting an education, or this is your career; your career is not your identity. You are so much more than that.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So let's talk about stress. Let's talk about self-care, and what we can do about it. Alright, so I'm going to start- where do I want to start? That's the thing about these podcast episodes is that I've been trying to speak off the cuff a little bit more, because otherwise, I'll get so caught up with trying to plan the perfect episode that I won't record anything at all. I'm a perfectionist, so if I go back and re- listen to what I've done and recorded, I won't like it. Then I'll just delete it and not post anything. In fact, I was tempted to not post anything today because I'm not feeling 100%. Last week, I wasn't feeling that great. I had a short episode because of my autoimmune symptoms. They were coming back. I wasn't feeling good. So I did a short episode and called it a day. Today I'm getting over a cold that has kind of spread in our household. First my husband got it, and then my son and now me. But you know what? I'm not gonna let it hold me back.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So stress. What are some ways to to de-stress? I think the first thing is realizing how stress manifests in your body and then acknowledging it. Acknowledging that you're stressed is number one. For me, stress hits me in my tummy. I start to get stomach aches. I start to get cramping. It also sometimes manifests in my head. I'll get headaches. Or my shoulders and back. I'll get upper shoulder kind of back pain. Find out: how does stress manifest in your body? Do you start to get anxious? And if so, what does that feel like? For me, it feels like I'm out of breath. Sometimes it actually turns into heart palpitations. Sometimes it turns into a full blown panic attack, where I feel like I'm having a heart attack or like I'm about to die and I'm not. Thankfully I know what it is. You know, my whole body starts to shake.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Thankfully, I've only had one panic attack in the last few years. It was actually recently. We were driving back home from the valley to Santa Barbara. It was really, really heavy rain, the heaviest rain that we had had ever while driving, and the car kept skidding. And I kept thinking to myself, oh my gosh, this is how it's gonna end. This is how it's gonna end. This is it. And I just kept quiet because the whole family was in the car. I didn't want to freak anybody out but I could sense myself shaking all over and I just focused on my breathing, focused on my affirmations. I kept telling myself we're safe, we're okay, you know, we're almost home. We made it home but it was not a good feeling.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So what does stress look like, feel like for you? Acknowledge it. Then from there, what can you do about it? So for me, the big thing is, if you're too overwhelmed to do anything, the least that you can do is breathe. In terms of self care, and an everyday kind of practice to help you, figure out what works for you when it comes to breathing. Whether it means literally just taking ten deep breaths, or finding a meditation app that you like. I actually have a meditation app that I am absolutely in love with. I've had it for years and will continue to use it. In fact, I've used it so much that they gave me this free premium membership without me ever paying because you know, I'm not about that life. I'm trying to get anything free, even though I'm a professional. Before I was poor, but now I'm broke because of student loans, and childcare, and other bills. Anyway, this app is called Stop, Breathe, Think. I love it. It asks you to check in. It asks you how you are, and you can take a deep breath for ten seconds. After that, you tell them how you're doing physically, how you're doing mentally, and what emotions you're experiencing. Based on those symptoms or on those feelings, they'll recommend a few five to ten minute guided meditations for you. It's great. They even have some for kids. They have some for youth of color. So I'm a big fan of that. There are others. I know some of my friends use the Calm app. What else? I'm trying to see if I have any that I can pull up. There's another one called Liberate. There's Headspace. I personally use Stop, Breathe, Think. It's free. They have lots of options. But some of the other ones seem like they're great too. So that's one thing I want to share.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Another thing when it comes to stress is sometimes you're stressing out and feeling burnt out because you're doing too much, and because you're not giving yourself time off. When it comes to that, I do want to keep reiterating that you need to set boundaries, and you need to give yourself some space to breathe, some space to relax. Whether that means- even if you have a lot of homework, or a lot of work to do that it's taking over your weekends. Can you afford to take a Sunday off every week? Can you afford to take evenings off? Maybe you can do evenings, maybe it means no work after seven or eight pm. Or maybe it means I'm still going to work on weekends, but only in the mornings from eight to noon, or only in the evenings from six to nine. Whatever that is, but figure out a way to set strict boundaries, almost like you're setting your own internal policy of how you work and what works best for you and try to stick to that as much as possible.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

It also means learning to say no. I actually can't remember if I've talked about this in a previous episode. Even if I have, I can't stress this enough. You are gonna have so many opportunities in undergrad, and then in grad school, and then throughout your career. So many people are gonna come to you for help. I know there's this big fear that if I don't say yes to everything and everyone, these opportunities are gonna go away. They're not going to come back, or I'm going to miss out on something huge. My thing for that is, how do you know whether to say yes or no to something? And I say this over and over and over again. If I said this before, I hope I don't sound like a broken record. But figure out what to say yes to based on whether or not it's compensating you. And it should compensate you in one or more ways. It could mean it's literally financially compensating you. They're paying you to do something, and you need to pay your bills, so you're gonna do it. Sometimes it's compensating you in terms of professional experience that you need that would look great on your CV or on your resume. Because you want that experience, you're going to do it. I think one of the more important ways for something to compensate you is if it compensates you in terms of your values, in terms of what you want to do to give back, in terms of things that make sense for you, and for your community. If this is feeding your soul, and you're really looking forward to it. Even if they're not compensating you perhaps financially or professionally, it's something you really want to do and you're looking forward to it. Then yeah, go ahead and say yes.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Also, sometimes multiple things will come up at the same time, and they're all great. You're gonna have to prioritize and choose one over the other and not do too much. One of the things that I know I say no to all the time- and I do still feel bad about it, and I'm working on it. Part of my policy is, I say no to things that are evening work where I cannot bring my son. So my partner, he works evenings. And I deal with the nighttime routine, the second shift after work every night. So for that, I'm like, if you want me to share my expertise with your group of students, and you're asking for a six to eight pm spot, and I can't bring my son, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna go. I will gladly refer you to someone else who may be able to make it. I will tell you why I can't make it, that it's because of a lack of childcare. So that way, I make that visible. That way people know that this is an issue that they should be more mindful of: scheduling things that are more parent- friendly, or family- friendly. But that's my own internal policy. Figure out what that is for you, figure out what it is that you say no to, and what it is you are willing to make space and say yes for.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Alright, so taking time off, learning to say no, all of that can help you de- stress. The other thing is- and I know I have talked about this before- is making to- do lists, and then prioritizing. When I get really overwhelmed- and I have a bad memory, so I'm not into making mental lists. Nope, no thanks. That'll keep me up all night. I literally will either handwrite a list or pull up my Kanban flow, or Trello, or whatever it is that you use to write down your lists. I'll write it all down. Then I ask myself, what do I absolutely need to get done today? Because it's urgent, and it needs to be done by the end of the night or by tomorrow. Okay, that's what I'm gonna prioritize. Okay, what do I absolutely need to get done this week? Then based on that, what do I have to do today, tomorrow, this week, next week. Then I move things accordingly to those slots of what needs to get done right away, and what can be done later. And then I know what to prioritize, and what to work on. I feel like I can breathe, because all of a sudden, that list went from a dozen things that I needed to do today, to maybe three or four things that I need to do today. Then the others can wait for tomorrow or the day after.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

The other thing when it comes to stressing out is, it's really good to get to know yourself and how you function. Some of us when we stress out, we either under function or over function. By that I mean, if you get super stressed out and overwhelmed, is your tendency to just procrastinate and not do anything because you're freaking out about it? Or is your tendency to do too much; work, work work. In fact, you're like procrastinate- work, which is what I mean when you're doing other things, aside from the thing you really need to do because you're avoiding it. Then trying to find a balance of, how can I, if I'm under working, maybe face my fears, and do just a little bit, maybe five minutes of the thing that scares me, ten minutes of the thing that scares me, one pomodoro- which means like one twenty-five minute session, and then I'm going to take a break. Then see what happens, because a lot of times, it's much harder to get started on something, and it becomes this bigger monster. Then once you actually start working on it, it's not that bad. You're like, oh, I thought this was gonna take me two hours, but it only took me 45 minutes. Wow, I wish I had started this earlier.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So figuring out, am I overworking? If I'm overworking, why am I doing these other things? Why am I doing the dishes and brooming and vacuuming, when I should be doing this other thing? What am I trying to avoid? Or sometimes even writing about it- I know this sounds silly, but when I was dissertating, when I was writing my dissertation, and I knew I had to write every single day and I would just dread opening my computer and my laptop to type. Honestly that was the hardest thing, was opening up my laptop and start typing - didn't matter what I was typing. So then I told myself you know what? I am going to free write. I'm going to free write my thoughts. It may or may not be about this dissertation. It's just how I'm feeling, for the first five minutes straight. It's gonna force me to open my laptop. And if I get through that, if I still don't want to write, I'm not gonna write and I'm gonna be okay with it. I'm not going to shame myself or punish myself for it. And I just typed for five minutes everything that I'm feeling, non- stop, as messy as it was, stream of consciousness style. Then afterwards, I felt so good typing- well, not always, but a good portion of the time- that I'd keep going. I'd be like, you know what? This is not so bad. Maybe I kind of do want to write a paragraph about this chapter. Maybe I do want to add a few more sources. So that's what I would do. All right, so under functioning, over functioning. Figure out what it is that you're doing, and try to challenge yourself to do the opposite. So if you're under functioning, how can you get yourself to work a little bit more? If you're over functioning, how can you get yourself to work a little bit less, and get less distracted, and actually do whatever it is that you need to do?

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

All right, so we're still talking about stress management and self-care. Another thing that's really critical- actually for both of those, for stress management and self care- is developing a support system. I can't say this enough: the earlier you learn to create a support system or find a support system, the better off you'll be. It doesn't matter what you're doing. I think at every stage of life, we all need support systems. For some of us, our support system is just our family, or maybe our best friends. But aside from that, having professional support systems. In grad school, I had a writing accountability group, and I was also part of a dissertation support group through the CAP, the Counseling and Psychological Services. So we had a therapist who was there, who would facilitate the session each week. And now what do I do? Well I actually, on my campus at UCSB, I helped to set up and organize the first mother of color support group on campus for staff members and faculty members. That includes grad students, full time staff and faculty. Now the group has expanded. Now it's a mother of young children support group. And there are multiple groups running on campus, because the need is, it's a big need. So that's something that I attend. I attend a support group. I also go to therapy. I also have friends who are almost like my accountability buddies. I have one friend who I check in with about my personal and professional goals. We meet on a bi-weekly basis and just check in on each other. Then I have my Chicana mother work collective who, if I ever need advice, I know we've got a group meet, I can text them, get their advice. And I really value and respect what they say. I often go to them when I have big questions that I don't feel comfortable asking anybody else.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So support systems, accountability partners, accountability systems. I have, for instance, I've got a group of at any point thirty to forty students that I femtor, that are part of the McNair program. Some of them, they're fine just coming to seminar, maybe doing one quarterly meeting with me. They don't need that much accountability, they're good to go. Other students, they actually schedule weekly or bi-weekly meetings with me. During that time, we check in: how are you doing? Let's check in on your goals. What held you back? What can you do this time to improve. Little by little, they work on more of their research and grad school preparation. That's how they function better. They work better with more accountability. I'm actually kind of like that, in the sense that I do prefer more accountability over less accountability.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

And then I'm trying to think about- because I'm trying to share the advice that I've given others about stress management and about self- care. The self-care thing is, in some ways, harder for me to share because I feel like it's personal and it's subjective. I've talked - I'm pretty sure I've talked before about some of the things that I do. I listen to podcasts as a form of self-care. I do a little bit of yoga and stretching and meditation for self- care. I'm no expert, trust me. I'm not that physically fit, but I try. So long as it helps me to feel good in my body and de stress, that's what I'm looking for. So figure out what that thing is for you. Whether it's something physical ideally, whether it's walking, running, swimming, riding a bike, whatever it is that works for you, that you could do on a fairly regular basis. And then something for your mental health. That could be checking in with a friend, or going to therapy, or joining a support group, or getting involved in checking in with a writing or accountability partner, any of those things. Self-care also means taking time to yourself. Allowing yourself to rest, nourishing your body, eating healthy food. I know you hear this all the time, but yes, raw fruits and veggies are really, really good for you. I drink green smoothies almost every day. And it's transformed my health. Especially because of my autoimmune symptoms, I can't take that for granted. Figure out the things that you can realistically do to take care of yourself and to do it regularly. Not just when you have time, but also when you have midterms and finals, also when you have that next publication that you have to submit, also when you know your tenure vow is up. Or whatever it is that's coming up for you, that is really stressful, makes you feel like you have absolutely zero time to do anything for yourself. What are the things that you can still do? You should have a toolkit. Develop a self care toolkit, literally write a list down all the things that you can do for yourself, and/or have objects that remind you of it. Maybe create a literal box with things in them that remind you of what you can do to treat yourself, to take care of yourself. I can't stress this enough, if you're an undergrad and you're thinking about going to graduate school, mental health is huge in terms of a really critical struggle that people go through and don't talk about enough. A lot of folks are just depressed and anxious. I mean, grad school is a petri dish of all the things that you may need to develop a mental health disorder. That's why it's really important to develop this toolkit, because you don't want to wait until things get really bad for you to reach out for help. You want to go to graduate school, not just barely surviving, but thriving, making the most of it. Actually, that's the conversation that I'm going to be continuing next week, because I'm going to be talking about thriving as a low income, first generation and underrepresented student in grad school. That's the next topic for next week. It's very similar to what I'm talking about today, but I'll be talking about more about some of the specific challenges of graduate school of the timeline, what does graduate school look like year by year? What are some of the hurdles and challenges that you go through? How can you take care of yourself to thrive, not just barely make it, but thrive in grad school? I think with that, I'm going to be closing things off because that is all I can think about right now. I'll keep letting these thoughts simmer about how I want to expand more on thriving in grad school specifically for next week's episode. Thanks so much for listening with me. Please, please, please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. If you have any comments, I'd be happy to share them on the podcast. All right. Have a good rest of your day and enjoy the long weekend.