146: Journaling Questions to Help You Dream Again

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Welcome back, everyone to the Grad School Femtoring podcast. This is Dra. Yvette and you're listening to episode 146 on journaling questions to help you dream again. I am going to be sharing a series of questions that I've introduced to some of my clients, some of my former students, my fem-tees, and even some of my friends. I started gathering these questions as I was out there going on my own journey toward personal and professional development. This was actually last year, when I was in the middle of trying to figure out how in the world I was going to quit my job and move my family abroad. I gathered these questions from a series of different individuals who I follow and whose work I've read or podcasts I've listened to, and they really helped me to gain clarity on my long term goals.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

It also gave me the permission to dream again. I realized at some point in my career and in my higher education journey that I stopped dreaming, or that maybe I dreamt but with limitations. I stopped dreaming big. Also, I think that for myself and for a lot of you, you might reach a point in your grad school journey where you might feel stuck. If you're in a doctoral program that lasts say, five, six, seven, sometimes eight, nine and ten years, life is going to happen. Then on top of that, there will be a point where you reach a wall. There will be a point where you will struggle, and there might be a point where you will question yourself.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So if you're in that place right now, where you're in grad school and you're feeling stuck, you're wondering, wait. Why did I sign up for this to begin with? Do I even still want to do this? How am I going to get through another year? Then these journaling questions might be helpful for you. These questions might also be helpful for you if you're an early career professional, or if you're at any point in your career where you're feeling stuck. I felt stuck last year, and that's when I realized I needed a change.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

For today, like I said, these questions I've gathered from a couple of individuals. I'll mention their names. The first is Tiffany Aliche. I've mentioned her before. She's a famous financial educator. She's the author of Get Good With Money, which is a book all about the ten steps to becoming financially whole. If you want to learn about financial literacy, that is the book to go to. It's my favorite book for financial literacy. I've read a few. I haven't read them all, but of all of the ones that I've read, that one is by far my favorite, and the most comprehensive and holistic one that I've seen. I really love her because she's a former elementary school teacher. She is really down to earth, really keeps it real. She's someone I continued to follow and to listen to. I consider her someone I look up to and admire.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

There's also a few questions here that I gathered from an episode of the Journey to Launch podcast and that one is hosted by Jamila Souffrant. She's another financial educator and podcaster. I don't know if she has a book, at least if she does have one I have not read it. But she does have a podcast and I have listened to a good amount of the episodes and I found them helpful as well. I know that in her episode where she brings in these questions to help you dream and imagine your ideal life, her inspiration- or she took her ideas and found inspiration from two other individuals. So there's Mel Robbins and Tim Ferriss.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

There's a podcast, the Tim Ferriss podcast, where he brings in Mel Robbins as a guest. Mel Robbins is a former lawyer and also a famous motivational speaker, and she's very, very open about her childhood trauma. I listened to that episode, it's really useful. A lot of these questions are actually coming from her. These are her questions that she has her students answer as well to help them determine and figure out a path to crafting a life of intention, a life aligned with their values and dreams, etc. Tim Ferriss himself is a lifestyle design expert, and he's the author of the well known book called The Four Hour Work Week.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

These are some of the folks whose ideas I'm kind of borrowing from, in case you want to listen more. They all either have a podcast or have been on podcasts, and have books or have written on these topics- topics related to lifestyle design, and crafting a life of intention.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

For the first set of questions- let me go back actually, circle back to this topic of lifestyle design. Let me define that for you, so that you're not confused. Lifestyle design, as I'm referring to it, is the act of identifying patterns, habits of how you spend your time, your energy, and making sure that they align with what you want to do. It's designing the life and the lifestyle that works best for you, that works best for your body, for your mind, for your soul, for your calling, your interests, the things that nourish you. It's being in alignment and designing a life that works best for you. For instance, what is an example of lifestyle design?

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

For me, for instance, well, when I was working last year, and decided I wanted to move abroad, why did I want to do that? I wanted to do that, so that I could live a slower lifestyle, have a slower pace. That slower pace would be more aligned with my body. In dealing with a chronic illness, it's very helpful for me to slow down, not be working 24/7. That's one example. I also knew that I wanted to do work that would be aligned with my values, so I decided to start my own business that is directly informed by my values of compassion and social justice. So when I share information on my podcast, when I am writing my book- The Grad School Femtoring Guide, it incorporates compassion and social justice within it. Then I'm also very good at writing and organization and systems and productivity. That's the kind of work that I do one on one with my clients, of helping them to improve their systems and their writing, to help them achieve their goals. But then there's also this part of it- the mindset. It's the redirecting their thoughts, reframing their thoughts, and helping them to think bigger, think outside of their current role, their current circumstances. So that they can start to dream bigger, and in dreaming bigger, they can start to take small steps today towards living that life, the life that they are designing.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Alright, so the first set of questions - if you need to get a pen and paper, now's the time to do it. Imagine your perfect day. This is the first thing. What does it look like? What does it feel like? What does it taste like? If you struggle to think about your perfect day, why is that? I reached a point in my grad school journey where I forgot what made me happy. I forgot what brought me joy. I struggled to figure out what nourished me. I struggled to work on any hobbies. So my aim was an act of remembering, to figure that out, to explore and try things out. That's when I found the things that I liked, when I remembered the things that I liked and enjoyed. So if you're struggling, think back to the moments where maybe you were smiling, giggling, laughing, content, at peace. That could be part of your perfect day.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

The next set of questions are related to long term dreaming and planning. What does your day look like ten years from now? What are you doing? Where are you living? What do you look like? What are you wearing? What does your hair look like? Ten years. Think of yourself and where you were ten years from now and think about where you are now. Could you have predicted that you'd get this far? Maybe you did. Maybe you knew all along that you would be where you're at right now. But maybe not. Maybe you are already at a point in your life where you've reached a lot of your goals and dreams. So what comes after this? What comes ten years from now? The sky's the limit.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

For me, where are you living? Okay, so I'm living in Portugal now, but where could I be living ten years from now? Who knows? Really, I mean, I could live anywhere. If I really set my mind to it, I could figure out a way to do it. And it might seem inconceivable right now, but a lot of things will not be inconceivable for you in ten years. There's so much progress that can be made in ten years. And I say, what do you look like? What are you wearing? What does your hair look like? Because we don't always look the same. Ten years ago, I didn't have short hair. I had long hair, and I couldn't stand it. That's why I chopped it off. What are you wearing? Are you wearing the things that you are wearing now ten years from now? Or are you wearing something different? Something nicer? Something more casual, something more dressy? Who knows, it's up to you.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Now, the next set of questions have to do with money and what you would do if you didn't have to worry about it. Because for a lot of us, we do have to worry about money. A lot of us, we have bills to pay. Most of us are not independently wealthy, and so it is a concern. But if it wasn't, if you had all the money in the world, if you were Oprah, if you were Beyonce, if you were just some random multimillionaire. What would you do with it? What would your life look like? How would you spend your time if you didn't have to worry about money? And also, if you could imagine your ideal life, what is your ideal life?

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

If you had all the things you wanted in life, and you calculated that month by month for a whole year, what would be the cost of your ideal life? No one's ever asked me that before. And I, not until recently, had not calculated that number. It's a little scary to look at the numbers, to be frank. But if you do it, you'd be surprised. That number might be 80,000, which may seem like a big number to you. It might be 100,000. It might be 200, 300, 500, it might be a million. I don't know, it's your life. But if there were no limits, if you don't have to worry, honestly think about what are the things that you wish that you could afford.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

In my case, childcare. I'd love more money for childcare. I'd love more money to travel, or I'd love more money to pay for my family to come visit me, or to create scholarships, or to have a nonprofit and to provide job opportunities to more people. Just think about what are the things that you would love to do if you didn't have to worry about money. That's going to help you to figure out kind of where your values are, and what to work toward. And then figuring out the cost of your ideal life will also help you, because if you realize actually I need, I would love to be able to have support with domestic labor, with cleaning or with cooking or whatever it is. I would love to be able to pay my parents for watching my kids. I would love to be able to pay my sibling for helping me with this part of my job, or whatever it is. How much does that cost? Once you have a number, you can actually work towards that number. Even if it seems inconceivable right now, having a number will help.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Now the last set of questions are thinking about how you're spending your time now. Think about your current lifestyle, routine, habits, the things that you do, your day in the life. What do you want more of? What do you want less of? Are you spending most of your time living the life that you want or working towards that life in the future? Now, for myself, I believe that it's important for me to be actively doing both- actively living the life that I want and actively working towards the life that I want in the future.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

What does that mean? That means I don't want to just live in the moment, because for a good amount of us, we're going to live until we're in our 80s, or even older. If we don't start to think about that future self, then it's going to be a tough life. What happens if you're forced into early retirement, because you physically can no longer work? How are you going to make ends meet then? That's why it's important to start thinking about saving and investing. Even if it's not doable right now, even if you don't have anything, even if you're in the negative, knowing that that's something you need to work towards will help you get one step closer to it.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

I also don't want to just be working for the future. I don't want to be so frugal, that I am not enjoying my life right now, because, yeah. A lot of us are going to live until we're a lot older, but some of us are not going to live until tomorrow. So it needs to be a balance of the two, of doing the things that bring you joy, but then also thinking about your future self and doing things to take care of your future self too. It's a balance. Think about how you're spending your time. Think about reducing the things that you want less of, and increasing the things that you want more of. That will help you make a change in your circumstances, even if it's a small change. I've had folks where I've met with them, and we've kind of gone through discussing these questions. I've had them answer a few in front of me. Then after the call, they tell me, thanks to this conversation, I signed up to do X. I sent an application that I've been wanting to and I finally sent it out. I did that one thing that I've been afraid to do. And it's one thing, but that one thing sets in motion a bunch of other things, that one shift in your habit.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So for me, telling myself I want to be more active. For the longest, I've been telling myself, well, I can't exercise or I can't do a lot of it because of my chronic illness, because of my flare ups. And it's true, I do have to find balance between not overdoing it, because I will flare up if I do too much. But it doesn't mean that I can't be active. It just means I have to find different strategies. So what changed? Getting a stationary bike and trying out some videos. Now I'm doing it rather regularly. It's not for a long time, but it's enough for me and it's making a difference. I'm feeling better. I feel more active. I feel healthier.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So what is a small habit that you can change, just one thing that you can do based on answering one or more of these questions, that will help set in motion the rest of your life. That's what I wanted to bring up today. I wanted you to hopefully be able to slow down as you're listening to this podcast episode. Sit down and do some reflecting. Do some assessing, think about where you are in your life. I know that for some folks, you've been in your career for so long. It's hard to think outside of the box. It's hard to think of yourself outside of what you've been doing for so long. But you can and you should. I shouldn't say you should. My therapist will tell me there is no should. But it might be helpful for you to consider these questions and to make a change, even if it's a small change. That's it for this week. And I hope you all have a good rest of your week.