139: Imposter Syndrome as a High Achieving First-Gen Grad Student with Samantha Gonzalez

139: Imposter Syndrome as a High Achieving First-Gen Grad Student with Samantha Gonzalez

This week our special guest is Samantha Gonzalez who talks to us about her process of navigating imposter syndrome as a high achieving first-gen grad student. 

 

Samantha is a Program Coordinator for a First-Gen Summer Bridge Program for incoming college freshmen at a local college in Las Vegas, Nevada and has a Master’s Degree in Education from John Hopkins University. 

 

In this episode we discuss: 

 

– Her undergrad experience at UCLA and how she dealt with imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and anxiety 

 

– How imposter syndrome is complex, multilayered, and also affected by a lack of belonging and being in spaces that don’t value your assets 

 

– How counterstories and reframing have helped her to combat imposter syndrome 

 

-And lastly, Samantha offers advice on what others can do to create or expand their support system if they too are navigating similar issues

 

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Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Welcome back, everyone to the Grad School Femtoring Podcast. Today I have an episode for you all about impostor syndrome as a high achieving first gen grad student. Our guest today is Samantha Gonzalez. She is a Las Vegas native who attended UCLA for her undergrad degree. And actually, this was the first time that she heard the term first gen. That happened to be true for me. And I know a lot of people actually that went to UCLA too. And that was our first time we were introduced to this term. So it's so funny to know this. And then since then, Samantha has graduated with her master's degree in education from John Hopkins University. Currently, what she does is she's a program coordinator for a first gen Summer Bridge Program for incoming freshmen at a local college. And today, she's here to talk all about all about that all about her experiences navigating higher ed, like we said, as a high achieving first gen grad student, and you know, everything having to do with imposter syndrome, as it relates to her experience. So welcome to the podcast. Samantha, I'm happy to have you.

Samantha Gonzalez

Thank you. Thank you so much. I look forward to our conversation today.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Yes, yes. So I'd love for you to just get us started. Tell us a little bit more about yourself. Tell us about your background, your backstory, and also everything that led you to pursuing your master's in education and your current career as a program coordinator.

Samantha Gonzalez

Yeah, so like you mentioned, my name is Samantha Gonzalez, I am a Las Vegas native, I just moved back to Las Vegas after being in LA for some time. I want I just thought about this. But even going back to high school, you know, being a part of the TRiO program, they use the word first gen a lot. But I don't think I fully understood what it meant until I was an undergrad student at UCLA. And that's really where my imposter syndrome also began. So, you know, I was at UCLA, I took advantage of every single opportunity possible, as a lot of the people of the students of color do over there. And that has to do with, you know, taking advantage of the summer bridge programs, taking advantage of the internships, being a student worker on campus, different things like that. And it was really just myself kind of having this fear of somebody's going to come up to me and say, Okay, time to send you back to Las Vegas time to send you back to where you came from, essentially. And then moving forward. I, you know, I graduated from UCLA, with a bachelor's in Spanish and Linguistics, and I did it in two and a half years. So it's there. Yes. And now looking back, I don't think I did it by by choice, it was driven by finances. And then again, it was driven by that fear that one day, somebody's gonna come up to me and say, "Hey, your spots over." But I thought, you know, if I, if I beat them to it, if I get my degree, they can't take my degree from me, right? That was my thinking.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

I had a similar fear. So funny that you said that. Were you a traditional student who finished in two and a half years, or a transfer student who finished in two and a half years?

Samantha Gonzalez

I was the traditional student. So I went right after my high school graduation, I started that fall quarter. And I took a lot of classes, because as a out of state student, you get paid, you pay the same amount of tuition, no matter what your credits are. So I took advantage of it. I loaded up my credits, I took summer classes, different things like that. And even even my major right Spanish and Linguistics, it kind of changes who was in my classroom. So especially during your freshman year, when you're taking classes with over over 200 students, and a giant lecture hall. And most of the students don't look like you. Or they don't understand where you're coming from as a first gen student as an out of state student different things like that. Again, it kind of rushed me to find comfort in my Spanish classes. And then that's the path that I went down. And then following graduation, or even even before that, just my senior year of college, I had panic attacks. I had really high anxiety that summer before. And I sat down with a counselor at the school and she told me, you know, what are your plans for after graduation? And I didn't have an answer for that. And she thought, you know, maybe that's kind of like your underlying anxiety. You don't know what's coming next. And it can kind of trigger different things happening in your life. So I applied to grad school as one does. So I applied to graduate school, I did a teacher prep program.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

May I ask, so sorry. I just want to kind of get back to to this moment of you deciding to go to grad school and deciding what to apply for because that's a big moment. I wanted to ask what and I think you might be going into that right now. What made you want to pursue education as opposed to continuing on with Spanish and Portuguese for a master's or a doctoral program?

Samantha Gonzalez

Right. So I think, again, it was, it was rushed by either imposter syndrome or just anxiety, a feeling of I need to continue my education. And during the time I was working as a tutor with projects spell. So they teach ESL to the workers on campus. And I thought "I love that I love creating lesson plans. I love tutoring, working with students one on one." So that's where I, you know, decided to go down the teaching realm. And specifically, I wanted to do a teacher prep program, because it enables you to get your teaching license as well as a master's. And it was also going to be in the state of Texas. So I thought that was awesome just to move. But I will say that I it was, it was really rushed. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna lie. So going back, I don't know if I would have done things differently. But I did it, I did it. So for two years, I was in this teacher prep program. By the end of it, I earned my Master's in Education in secondary ELA as well as a special education. And that's not necessarily where I'm working out right now. Right now I'm helping higher ed students. But those skills do transfer over as I go to high schools to recruit a lot for our local college. And that's kind of how I've ended up here. And yeah, that's a little bit about me.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

I appreciate, thank you so much, Samantha, for sharing about your backstory, and also being so candid about your experiences, you know, I know the title is about being high achieving, but you also mentioned, struggling with anxiety, struggling with panic attacks. I don't think we talk about that enough. I myself as someone who struggled with a very high level of anxiety, like it was so bad that sometimes I was afraid of leaving my my apartment or my dorm room or whatever. And the panic attacks are so real. And it can be very scary. And I have been on the opposite end of things too as an instructor having to support students who confide in me who are struggling with anxiety and panic. And I'm curious about that connection between the anxiety and the high achiever in a lot of us who are first gen. And then on top of that, how that then connects and intersects or plays a role in struggling with, you know, what some people call impostor syndrome or imposter phenomenon, that feeling of not being good enough. And so I wonder if we can kind of talk a little bit more about that about the imposter syndrome as it relates to all the other things you were experiencing in undergrad, and what that means to you like why it's so important that we continue to have this conversation about the imposter syndrome.

Samantha Gonzalez

Right. Yeah. So the way that this connects is essentially anxiety and perfectionism. Those are our symptoms, when it comes to to the imposter syndrome. And for those of you who may not know, essentially, the imposter syndrome is the inability to internalize your accomplishments. And also just this constant fear of being exposed as somebody who does not belong as somebody who was a fraud. So the constant kind of looking over your shoulder, and also just playing off your accomplishments. You may not even tell others about it, you may not internalize it, or you, you know, don't. Yeah, that's, that's what it is. And then going on to, you know, anxiety and different things like that. Those are like the symptoms. So it's like what you feel when you have impostor syndrome.

Samantha Gonzalez

And one of those that I would say, the two that I suffer from the most would have to be anxiety and perfectionism. So because you're so anxious, about having to prove either your past accomplishments or have to kind of one up yourself so that other people think that you are who you say you are. It's a constant fear, right of constant fear of failure, that one day somebody is going to figure you out, essentially. And for me, specifically, this leads to perfectionism. So over preparing for even the smallest things, the smallest meetings, and of course, it translates over to being a high achiever, because you put in countless hours into any tasks that you are given. And frankly, it can be exhausting, especially as a graduate student, especially as an undergrad student, or as a new professional. You're constantly working, you know, two, three times as hard as everybody else. And lastly, I guess another symptom is also self doubt. So you don't you don't believe in the work that you're doing? And this can of course, limit your goals, right? You may not aim as high because you're afraid of that failure you're being afraid of, of being told that that You're a fraud and that you don't belong.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So another thing that that comes up as you explain how impostor syndrome is manifested or in certain symptoms is also I'm curious about where culture, our cultural and ethnic background, come into play with that as well. And also being the first in the family comes into play with that. And I say speaking from my experience, having also struggled struggling with perfectionism, I'm a recovering perfectionist. And then also people pleasing. So I'm a recovering people pleaser, too, so I'm like, wow, that's a lot. It's very layered, like an onion, if you peel it back multiple things that are affecting it. Can you talk a little bit more about kind of the relationship, even if it's just from your experience about the the imposter syndrome as it's manifested, and how it intersects with also the experience of being first gen or being a first gen Latina or? First-gen, I'm, you know, I'm not sure what your full background is, but just a little bit more about how to intersects with your other identities.

Samantha Gonzalez

Right, of course. So I'll start with like a story of how I kind of realized I suffer from impostor syndrome. And this comes with my partner and dating. So we've been dating for over three years now. And you know, as as you date, you ask about each other's paths, right. So he would ask me questions. What was it like to go to UCLA? What was it like to move to a new city? What was it like to be the youngest in your graduate program? Different things like that? And it's good question.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Oh, gosh, that's another one. You just added another element there too, age.

Samantha Gonzalez

Yes, yes. Yes. Another layer. So he, he kind of like, we were already we already knew each other. But he just wanted to know my perspective, right? My insight. And it's a genuine question that you can ask, and all of my answers would always be Oh, it was fun. It was okay. I liked it. But, you know, so and so. So I never, and I thought that was me being modest. And that comes back to how you're raised. So I grew up in a Hispanic household, and you're not really taught to boast, you're not taught to kind of over explain your accomplishments. And...

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Humility is a big deal.

Samantha Gonzalez

Right. And being first gen, you know, my parents, they didn't know what UCLA was, they didn't know, you know, what a major is what the past they never saw my past, but different things like that. So it's kind of like, okay, I'm downplaying my accomplishments. Because even if I explain it to them, they're not going to fully understand. And it's, it looks bad on my part, like, honestly, I should take the time to really explain what's going on.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Actually I want to add a little bit to it too, because you're saying you didn't explain it to them, you're under selling your achievements. And that's so common that it actually is a term that has a name, it's called family achievement guilt, it's that experience that we have as first in our family of guilt in having access to these resources and opportunities that we, that guilt gets in the way of us sharing about our achievements. So family achievement guilt is it refers to that experience. And I'm just saying that just to remind you that you're not alone, a lot of us can relate to that, that experience, and I still struggle with that to this day. I mean, it's not like I went and shared with my entire family about my, you know, my own current achievements, even now. So I can, I can understand when you're where you're coming from when you're talking about that.

Samantha Gonzalez

Right. I have never heard that term. So that's interesting. I'll have to look into it. But yeah, it just goes into me thinking that I was being modest. And him just, you know, kind of realizing the pattern. He was the first to kind of see like, oh, like you, you kind of downplay your accomplishments a lot and different things like that. And, you know, since we realized that, you know, I tried to dig deeper into reflecting on my experiences, and that's kind of a lot of what I did to even prepare for this podcast and really realize like, where, where did it stem from? How did that affect me being first gen? How did that affect me in grad school? And it all comes down to really just, I mean, even even if, if I narrow it down to imposter syndrome, you have to add the different layers of being first gen, of being a woman, of being, you know, a state away from your your parents, and typically in our Hispanic household, you don't do that you stay at home for as long as possible, as being the youngest as we mentioned. So it's a different layer of intersectionality where it affects your how you set up your goals, what you apply yourself to and what I have self diagnosed myself as kind of just receiving constant criticism, whether it's at a young age or at a new job. And you know, being a first year teacher, you receive a lot of constant criticism, it might even be daily, just on your instruction on how your students are performing different things like that. And last year, which was my last year, as a public school teacher, it was very triggering to always get that constant criticism when one I'm not asking for it. And then two, I already feel like I'm going to, you know, fear failure. So it's not helpful that other people are telling me that I'm doing things wrong or not necessarily helping. So that's what I've kind of realized. And of course, that ties even to grad school, right? So you know, when it comes to your assignments, when it comes to trying to fit in, whether it's because you're younger, or because you're the only brown skinned girl there, it, it really affects your sense of belonging, and really any program, any job that you may have,

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Right. Every time you you add more and share more about your experience with impostor syndrome, and you know, everything that plays into it, I keep thinking of more and more that are adding to it. And this is why it continues to follow us as women of color going on. Now, I'm getting almost angry going on into our careers, because then when you go into your career, then you don't negotiate because you don't think that you're worth it. And then when you move up, you don't sell yourself and your achievements. And so it limits your ability to advance in your career. So it's something that we need to be very conscious of, as first gen Latinas, as first gen women of color, as you know, there's just so many identities that kind of intersect for us. And I was, it brought to mind for me, this concept of the growth versus the scarcity mindset. And what I mean by that is, you know, having a growth mindset is where you have this ability to believe in yourself and your ability to, to learn and to grow. So the focus is not on perfection, the focus is on progress, and that there's an unlimited amount of opportunities available to you, and you just, you know, you can achieve them little by little, and failure only gets you closer to it as opposed to get you're getting you're farther away.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Whereas with the scarcity mindset, there's this this focus on deficit on what's missing on this not enoughness. And that not enoughness can affect you as you being not enough as you're not having enough as you're not doing enough. And that failure being a manifestation of that not enoughness and kind of signal to you, you know, failing in life, whatever that means being unsuccessful. And, you know, for me, my life started to change after grad school, I wish it was a lot sooner I wish I had had this understanding of the growth versus the scarcity mindset when I was younger, as as young as a child, like that's something that I tried to instill in my own children. And then going on to middle, high school, college, even grad school, literally half of grad school, but whatever I arrived at this point now, and I hope that other people can look into this, like, in what ways are, you know, your thoughts about yourself serving you or not serving you? Because, you know, for so long? I myself that and I still kind of have these tendencies and I have to just reframe my thoughts of catastrophizing, of thinking about the worst, of worrying about failure of thinking that it's just failure is just a reminder that things are not going to work out in life.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

But in actuality, that reframing has helped open me up to more opportunities and and that reframing is like well if rather than catastrophizing, thinking, what what if it does happen? What if these big lofty dreams are actually possible? What if I pursued it little by little, and all of a sudden, your life starts to change. So in your case, I'm assuming you've, you have overcome some of at least to the extent that you've got your master's degree, you've got your full time job, you're now helping to support other first gen students in the work that you do. What kind of, you know, advice do you have to give to students who may be struggling with this because I am just telling you like, it's it might be a lifelong thing because at least in my experience I still struggle with it. But I've learned skills and tools and reframing to help me combat it a little bit more. But I know there are a lot of folks who are still in that starting place where it's so hard to think outside of that, it's so hard to not think that they're not good enough and that they're never going to be good enough.

Samantha Gonzalez

Right? Well, unfortunately, there's no there's no threshold that you're going to reach that's going to completely stop impostor syndrome. That would be amazing. Some people may think it's like a six figure salary. And suddenly, I'm not an impostor, right? Suddenly, I've made it. But unfortunately, no, like you mentioned, it's being kind to yourself, as well as surrounding yourself by a group of people that is supportive, and all that you want to do. Because, you know, there's that imposter in you, that's telling you that you can't do it. But your family, your friends, your partners, they don't see that imposter, all they see is all that you've done all that you have, when you know people like us, they may, they may think about what they don't have. So even when you're following social media accounts, like you know, follow accounts that remind you of all the good that you've done of all the good that you accomplish, as opposed to, you know, missing out like, oh, they have this, I don't have that, they went to school here, I don't have that. So it's really just reframing the way that you think and doing whatever works for you, whether it's prayer, whether it's therapy, whether it's mirror talk in some mantras in the morning, but it's just realizing that that, you know, you can't let yourself be afraid of failure, because like you mentioned, like failure, just getting one step closer to, to the achievement that you hope to have.

Samantha Gonzalez

And I was listening to your own episode eight, where you thought, you know, let other people tell you no, and I'm so glad I heard that. And it's so true, whether it's you're applying to school and internship, a job, let the admissions board tell, you no, don't think in your head that Oh, no, like, I don't have all the requirements, I don't have a good letter of recommendation, different things like that. And then if you are in the position of power, if you are supervising students, you know, remind them of all that they have achieved. And even if they didn't, they didn't get it, show them you praise for their effort. Right. So if a student applies for something, they don't get it, applaud them for even even trying, right, because it's those little moments where, you know, somebody can really change your thought process, right? It might be just a passing word from a professor, it might be a passing word from a parent, it might be a passing word from just a friend, somebody who is on your side and somebody who wants to see you succeed.

Samantha Gonzalez

And then also, like you mentioned, like we did talk about the imposter syndrome and talk about these feelings of anxiety, this constant struggle of trying to trying to outdo yourself or up to others, right. And as an imposter, you know, we're all are having the imposter syndrome. It's like, what are we trying to chase? Right? What are we trying to, to measure our success to? Right? Are we doing ourselves to other people, comparing ourselves to social media, maybe an older cousin, an older sister, so really just reflecting on on why it is you're applying to certain schools while you're applying to certain jobs, because I think, I don't know. But maybe if I had done that, I would have chosen a different route, as opposed to still just looking at the school's name or looking at the best package different things like that. So just, you know, fake it till you make it, you know, just just do it all is really what I have to say and encourage others. So be nice to yourself and be nice to others. Really.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

It's really interesting that you asked, what are you trying to chase because when I know, I didn't prep you for this. When we talk about imposter syndrome. Another thing and other conversations that I've heard people talk about is is not just imposter syndrome, it's actually the lack of belonging and the intentional ways that institutions of higher ed as one example of multiple institutions and systems reify things like white supremacy, and middle classsness, and straight able bodied, the list goes on and on and on of all the different isms and all the different ways that if you are part of an oppressed identity, you don't fit in, and you're made to feel that you're not fit in that in many ways. We were not meant to be in these spaces. And so institutionally, you feel it, you feel it because you don't know the norms because your cultural norms are different. You feel that you don't know the norms because maybe your linguistic norm is different, or whatever the case is. There's this normative expectation of, oh, just buy textbooks. Do you not realize that I don't have money to buy textbooks, or just do this. Well, what does this even mean?

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

So I wanted to make sure that if if we're going to have this conversation about impostor syndrome, we're also reminding students that the reason why you don't feel good enough is because maybe you are not being valued. And everything that you bring to the plate, because as first gen students and all the many other identities that you may hold. So in my case, first gen Chicana, with a chronic illness, mama, like, all those things are actually assets. All those things actually make me unique and valuable to some, but not to all. And so in certain spaces, I'm valued and others I'm not, because those identities are not prioritized. So yeah, I just I know, I'm kind of going into a rant. But I want to remind students about this about like, if you don't feel like you are good enough? In what spaces do you not feel good enough? And in what spaces do you feel good enough? And how can you enter those spaces? And that reminds me what you said about surround yourself with people who believe in you who support you. And that's why I constantly remind people set up your own support systems if they don't exist in the spaces that you're at, because it's so critical that you are valued, that you are seen as an asset, that you see everything that you bring to the table because we're not imposters at the end of the day. We're not imposters, we just happen to come from a different background.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

And if anything, we're freaking amazing that we can navigate all of this, as first timers and still finish and you've finished in two and a half years. Come on now. Can I like clap for that? So yeah, just curious. Like, if that's something you had thought about to in terms of, again, the reframing is not just about the imposter syndrome, it's also about the spaces that we're in, and sometimes they're toxic, or sometimes there's a lot of different ways that we are marginalized, or that we are oppressed based on our different identities.

Samantha Gonzalez

Right. Yeah. And then, you know, when you were sharing that it reminded me what I mentioned earlier about like selecting my major based on what classes I felt comfortable in the classes that I felt comfortable in where my Spanish classes, and that's how I decided to shift over from kind of like the STEM field to a humanities major. And as far as you know, who is the imposter? Like what are we trying to accomplish? Just know that like, there are real imposters out there.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

And they're not worried about being imposters? That's the problem.

Samantha Gonzalez

Yeah, they are flaunting you probably know them. You mentioned some of the identities earlier, it's probably a mediocre hetero white man. That's what it is. And they they're going to flaunt it. But like you mentioned, it has a lot to do with your support system who you surround yourself with. And just knowing that to dream big, essentially. And that's something that first gen students are great about aim high. That is like the aspirational capital that we hold. And that is the the counter message to impostor syndrome. So just constantly reminding yourself and of who you are what you bring to the table. And and don't focus on what you're not you'll you'll get there eventually.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

For you and your experience, was there any catalyst or moment that you feel like made you realize, aha, like I am not an impostor, I'm actually just struggling with this phenomenon or with the syndrome or with this feeling that that is because of the many ways that I'm different or, or, you know, what was the aha moment of like, actually, I'm awesome?

Samantha Gonzalez

Right? I'm not sure if it was, if it was a moment,

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

or moments or...?

Samantha Gonzalez

Yeah, I think it would probably have to do with this, just like this last year, the last 12 months, essentially, because I graduated with my masters last May. And that was also when I did not renew my teaching contract. And it was kind of the moment where I decided to say, you know, I was supposed to be in Texas longer, but I'm not doing it. Why? Because of this toxic environment, this constant criticism, I had no no sense of belonging, I have to go back home. So I came back to Las Vegas. I decided to work in higher education and this position opened up in a first gen Summer Bridge Program and just meeting this group of students mentoring them, and you know, saying how much they look up to me because I was in their shoes just a couple of years ago that really brought some, a calling, as opposed to a career, which is what I was looking for, and it's still involving a lot of healing.

Samantha Gonzalez

Another moment that was kind of aha was when I went to my first national conference, which was NASPA a couple of months ago. And just realizing like, wow, like no one in my immediate family has ever gone to the East Coast, they've never flown this far, you know, it was all business expenses paid, different things like that. And I just had to realize, like, I deserve this, I deserve to be here for all that I've done all my hard work in the office, all my education, I deserve to be here. And there was a wide variety of diversity there as well. And it was just awesome seeing some really great speakers who look like me who are also in higher education, who have their PhDs or their EdDs, and it was just a very inspirational weekend. And I think that's where I kind of realized and imposter syndrome came by and just like a quick conversation, and I realized, oh, I think I kind of suffer from that. But I'm doing better. Like, it was worse a couple years ago, but right now I'm doing a little bit better. So it was kind of 12 months in the work. And hopefully it like I mentioned, there's no threshold that I'm going to achieve, or it's going to stop, but I hope to be proactive about how I talk to myself how I talk to my support system, and you know, inspiring the students that I mentor and just anybody who comes along my way.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

I like that you mentioned that it might never fully go away because of the you know, when one there is no threshold, how can you start feeling like an imposter if you keep technically you're leveling up? So I kind of like that. I hadn't. I had never thought about this before. But what if you just embrace it and think actually, I'm gonna continue to feel uncomfortable. And I'm going to expand that, you know, I'm going to expand my comfort zone over and over and over again, because I'm leveling up. And if I'm not, if I'm too comfortable, and I don't feel like an impostor, then I'm not being challenged enough. And I'm not meeting my potential. So I love thinking about about, you know what this my keep coming up, because I'm gonna keep putting myself in situations that are going to challenge me and that are kind of going to help me grow. And if anything, I'll just get better at, like, dealing with it when it comes and just reminding yourself, it's okay to feel this way. It's because I'm learning, it's because I'm growing. And, other people feel like this too, because imposter syndrome is not just a thing for like, first gen students of color. It's a thing for all types of people that there are all kinds of people who experience it. It's just some of us show it more than others. But yeah, I just wanted to call attention to that, because I I like that thinking about it as actually, I might still have it because I'm gonna keep growing or I'm gonna keep it yeah. Moving on moving on up, you know, in your career and your life. Yeah. That's great.

Samantha Gonzalez

I like that, level up. That's the summary.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Are you an impostor? Or are you leveling up?

Samantha Gonzalez

New Title?

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Oh, my gosh. It's like all right. So I think we're getting close to wrapping up. And I wanted to ask you, if you have any last thoughts or closing words or anything as it relates to all of the things we've talked about today, you know, being high achieving, for instance, because that's another thing it's like, is that ever gonna go away? I don't know if that's gonna go away, for me at least. And I self identify as a high achiever. And I think there's a lot of I have a lot of mixed feelings about it too, about being high achieving, and being labeled as high achieving and the high expectations placed on high achievers. That wasn't always good. It wasn't always healthy for me to have people expect high things of me. Because I was always, I always felt that pressure. So being high achieving, being first gen, going to grad school, dealing with impostor syndrome. And then reaching that point for you, where you realize actually, I want to go home and I want to serve my community. And for me, when you mentioned your own multiple kind of moments of catalystic moments. That was that was multiple moments for me. Most of them had to do with service work and femtorship mentorship. Mentorship is like in helping others I realized, actually, I kind of know a thing or two. I'm sure that may be true for you, too. So yeah, closing thoughts around any of these topics?

Samantha Gonzalez

Yes, of course. So I kind of want to call attention to the fact that some people may not have that support system right now. And I do want to mention just a couple of different options for those are those who are looking to expand their support system and that can have to do with reaching out to a licensed therapist who I'm sure is going to be on your side because they don't see the imposter or reaching out to a social media group. I know that personally, I love following Grad School Femtoring It's so like inspiring and that's that's those are the kinds of things that you want to follow on types of communities that you want to be a part of. I know there's also a different Facebook groups that advocate for first gen students. And yeah, just finding out different ways where you feel comfortable, it can also have to do with your place of prayer or different things like that. But just know that there are people who are willing to help you, who feel exactly the same way that you do, and who might even need your support in return as well.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Yeah, thank you so much. Now, for folks who, who connected with you, resonated with what you had to say and want to follow up or stay in touch? How can they reach you?

Samantha Gonzalez

Yeah, so you can reach me via email, I'll be sure to send it to you as well. But it is the number two Samantha letter g at gmail dot com (2samanthag@gmail.com). And we can connect that way.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Great. I will make sure to add it to the show notes. Thank you. Thank you so much. Samantha is so lovely having this conversation. I feel like I could go on and on and on. Keep rambling because it's I mean, if folks don't resonate with this conversation, then I don't know what's going on. Because it's so true for many of us. We do struggle with this feeling and we're learning to navigate it. And so it's it's never you know, we can never talk about it enough. So thank you. Thank you for coming on today.

Samantha Gonzalez

Yes, thank you such an amazing conversation. Like you said, this conversation doesn't end here. It's just the beginning for a lot of us.

Dra. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Right. Thank you.

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