105: 5 Rules I Follow to Expand My Comfort Zone

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Hi, everyone, this is Doctora Yvette coming to you with another short episode. Today's episode is all about five rules I follow to expand my comfort zone. All right. So I came up with this topic a couple of weeks ago, two weeks ago, I was just thinking about everything that led up to the moment that I'm in now.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And what I mean by that, so just last week, I received notice and that we were approved to get visa to move our family to Portugal. So we received our visa is in the mail. And then I was like, Oh, wow, like this is real, it has felt like a dream. Up to this point, it hasn't truly felt like reality. And this dream was a seed that I planted back in May 2021. So if you do the math, it was actually Mother's Day. 2021. I know exactly the day usually I'm really bad at remembering things. I have a terrible memory. But I distinctly remember breaking down on Mother's Day, thinking, you know, I have all the things that I always wanted. I have a great job. I have a I just bought a home. I have two beautiful, healthy kids. I've got a really supportive partner. I live in a beautiful city with perfect weather. Why am I so miserable?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And I think behind that veil or the curtain that made it seem like my life was going relatively well. I realized that I actually wanted something else. And sometimes you know, that happens things change your circumstances change and you realize what you've previously wanted is no longer what you want. And so I have no idea even how it came up. But I kept thinking, well, is there a possibility for me to take a break because I'm struggling, I'm struggling with my physical health, my mental health, I've never fully like I've never taken a break. Even the concept of taking a vacation was still really hard for me to kind of grasp.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And I think a lot of things changed after I had my my maternity leave with my daughter was my first time going in an actual maternity leave having time to myself realizing, wow, when I'm not under a lot of stress, my body actually does a lot better. I was able to manage like my chronic illness a lot better. So that was one of the things that played a role in me making this decision and me, but I kept thinking, well, is there a way for me to leave my job? And take a break? How can we make that possible?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And right away, I knew well, that's not possible. If we stay in Santa Barbara, and then from there, it was like, well, that's not possible if we stay in SoCal. And then again, that's not possible if we stay in California. And then the more I thought about our circumstances, and the things that I prioritize and need, you know, there's things that I that I know, I definitely need like, like benefits, like health care, and a lower cost of living and family friendly area. I just, I realized, actually, maybe the US is no longer a place for me and for my family.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And so from there, I started to think outside of the US, you know, what if we move to Canada, what if we move to Mexico? What are we moved to Spain? What if we we moved to? And then the list went on and on and on. And I kept moving countries in my head. Going from one to the next and always having a reason to say no. I was like, constantly, there's too much on the diversity is not that great. The language there, the language barrier will be too tough. You know, there's always something.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And we landed in Portugal. And I couldn't find a reason to say no, I was just like, Yeah, this place might not be perfect, but it checks a lot of freaking boxes a lot. And yeah, because I just kind of never left. Portugal in my mind that became the dream. And then that dream became a goal. So from there was like, I started to take baby steps towards making this dream a reality and six months later, here I am with the visa. We just booked our flights. And we're going to be leaving, actually before Christmas. So we're going to spend our first Christmas there and New Years and other holidays that we celebrate this year and, you know, the next year.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

It's just it's mind blowing to me to be in this space. And I thought, well, one of the things that helped me get there was thinking about this concept, and I don't think that was thinking about it intentionally. But it definitely makes sense in retrospect, of expanding my comfort zone. So I know we hear a lot of times, people will say, You got to, you know, be uncomfortable, get comfortable with being uncomfortable, or you got to break out of your comfort zone to you know, reach your potential and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And for me, I like comfort. I like security, I don't like taking big risks. I grew up very sheltered, very fearful. And so most of my life, I've made fear-based decisions. And little, slowly but surely, I've been learning to make more courage-based decisions. And I think that for me, it's helpful for me to reframe this idea of like, step out of your comfort zone into expand your comfort zone, I think this may be helpful to you, even if you're an undergrad or in grad school, ever think about all of the challenges that you're going through? And how scary they can seem all of the hurdles all of the milestones, if you think about well, how is this expanding my comfort zone? That even that reframe could help you with managing whatever obstacle you're going through?

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So let's talk about expanding our comfort zone. And what do I mean by that? So when I mean expanding my comfort zone, I mean, how can I do things that are challenging, that allow me to be curious, that allow me to unlock kind of different potential in a way that doesn't seem so unbearably scary that I'll just run away from it. And there's five things that I'm going to mention today, there's five more, but these are the five that I could think of what are the things that I'm doing you not constantly to expand my comfort zone.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And so the first thing is opening yourself up to trying new things. Now, that's hard for me trying new things. I'm that kid that didn't learn how to rollerblade skates, swim, none of that we didn't have money to buy those things. And we didn't have insurance. So I couldn't afford to learn some sport or anything that would be risky and hurt me. I couldn't afford to break a bone, I just couldn't know. And so I was always afraid afraid of anything afraid of learning how to swim, afraid of riding a bike, afraid of just trying anything new afraid of failure. Really, really big one, I was always afraid of failing. So I've only ever really tried to do things that I was comfortable in that I felt I was good at. And that was always education. So school, theater, and those are the two things and I just kind of kept it at that I never really tried to do other things outside of that.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And now it's a little different. Now I'm more open to trying new things. Now I'm more open to meeting new people. And that has opened up the world of possibilities for me. So for me, it's opening myself up to try new things is rule number one.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Now rule number two, I can't just try new things all the time. And I can't just jump into something. I'm not a spontaneous person. And so for me, what helps me with trying new things. And with coming up with new goals, even if they seem really lofty and big and out of this world, is I think about the concept of slowness and of taking our time of not rushing through it. So yes, in May, I desperately wanted a change in lifestyle. And I am impatient. And I wish that I could have done it right that I'm there like right that moment, quit and move my family abroad and you know, just do it like that. But a lot of things don't work out that way. Even if you want to do something right away. Sometimes it takes time to get things done.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And so for me, you know, I kept thinking so how can I do this in a way that is sustainable in a way that is in line with my ethics and my values and it meant giving a three months notice to my supervisor, it meant taking our time with working on every single aspect of our visa application. It meant putting our house up for sale, it meant being okay with staying at my mom's place during that interim period. You know, we're all going to be stuck in one room with very little space for one another. You know, being willing to make that sacrifice.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So allowing myself to give myself that time needed to get from point A to point B, doing things slowly and more intentionally, has helped with expanding my comfort zone. Second thing is take it slow or do it slowly.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Rule number three is not only do I allow myself to do things more slowly, I try not to rush into things. Even when I'm impatient. I also allow myself to take small steps. So again, with my impatience, I just want to do it, do it, do it now do it quick, like get a lot done, just push through marathon through something. And now I know, especially given my health issues, I can no longer do that. But it's actually a really good life lesson.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Even if you don't have health issues, like, it's okay to do things in small steps. In fact, the small steps may be, may be the thing that allows you to get from point A to point B, because if it becomes too big of a step, two scary of a thing, you might just give up altogether. And so for me, it's allowing myself to take things slowly, in small steps, even with like Grad School Femtoring, there's so much I want to do with Grad School Femtoring, the podcast and as a business, and I have all these ideas, and I'm so excited for the future, I can already envision it, I know where it's going, I know I'm gonna be successful, I just have it, I have that vision. I'm taking things slowly.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And I'm allowing rest of that time to grow and learn and to build what I'm building intentionally and strategically and in an informed way. So doing it in small steps is as rule number three.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Rule number four is, you know, whatever it is that you're doing to expand your comfort zone is to be okay with doing it scared. And you're not always going to be fearless. In fact, I don't know that I'm ever fearless. I am a very anxious person, lot of things making me uncomfortable. And so I'm doing these things while scared.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

I'll be completely honest with you. I am utterly terrified of making that 14 to 16 hour flight with a baby who is difficult, my baby will yell and cry. And when she cries, she cries with a really high pitched yell sound. And she won't stop and she won't get tired. She can cry for hours. And one time we took we did a road trip from Santa Barbara to Inglewood. And it was really bad traffic. And the way there was three and a half hours and the way back was like four hours it was not there was like traffic and lanes closed and cars. It was just like a complete shit show. I literally we just cried and cried and cried. And then we stopped and made stops and she still cried. And I got a panic attack that that was how bad it was. It was just it was not fun. And, you know, she hasn't gone on airplanes much.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So and I also, you know, I am not very good with travel. That's I have never really kind of a lot of people love to talk about how much they travel and how that's, you know, a priority of theirs. And that's wonderful. And one thing for me is I have traveled but I know how hard it is on my body. I know I get sick, I know my stomach starts to act up, I know I start to get motion sickness, my husband gets motion sickness, sometimes to the point of throwing up, my, my son gets nauseus. So it's just not fun for us being in airplanes.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

But you know what? It's finite. Just like when I have my pain. I know that my pain, you know, in the mornings, I don't feel well. Somedays extends throughout most of the day. And the thing about living with chronic pain is that for me, the way that I manage it is by reminding myself, this is temporary, this is finite. And so my last few, you know few days and I'm going to be spending in the states, I keep thinking, well, this is finite and might be uncomfortable and might be hard to kind of get everything done and pack our bags and head out into logistics and all that airplane might not be fun. Who knows, I have no idea how it's going to be maybe it'll be a lot smoother than I'm picturing it in my head. Maybe not. But even if it's not, it's finite.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

It's gonna end eventually after that entire day, that entire day is gonna end and then the jetlag after a day or two or three eventually is going to go away. And you know that discomfort of being in a new country. Maybe you don't, you know, be there for a few weeks, a few months, maybe the first year and eventually that will go away too. And so just reminding myself that it's, it's okay to do things when you're scared, especially if it's something that will allow you to grow, especially if it's something that you're really looking forward to doing, especially if it's something that, you know, you would regret if you didn't try it out. So it's okay to do it scared. That's rule number four.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

All right, and then rule number five. And this I need to remind myself is to do the things that expand your comfort zone often. So do it often the more you do it, the better you'll get up managing it, the better you'll get, you know, the more courageous you'll be. So yeah, do just keep doing keep expanding your comfort zone, keep, you know, trying things out.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And, you know, one, one thing that I, that this reminds me of, this is what I tell my son when he's doing his homeschooling, and he's struggling with something and I tell him, Hey, bud, you know what, you know why you're really good with Legos, you know why you're really good at drawing? Because you spend a lot of time doing it, and you get to practice. And practice makes progress. And the more you practice, the better you'll get at it. And so he, you know, he's not a fan of writing. And so when he's doing his writing on Sunday, you know, you're improving every single time you do it. It might be hard, but you're practicing and you're practicing is providing you with progress. And that's all that we asked for.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And I wish someone would have told me that because all I ever heard when I was a kid was practice makes perfect. And I'm like, hell no, I do not believe in perfection anymore. I'm a recovering perfectionist, and no practice makes progress, you might never truly get over your fear of doing things that are, that are either uncomfortable, or that expand your comfort zone. Maybe you might always be doing things scared.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

That might be true for me, like I, I was told, I've always had this fear of driving. And I was told, you know, eventually, once you get your license, and you start driving every day, you know, your fear is gonna go away. And you might even start to like it, probably like, you're gonna enjoy it and blah, blah, blah. And at one point, I got to that point where I got my license and started driving regularly. And I was like, one, there's still a little bit of fear there and two a lot less fear than before, but still there. And then two I still hate it. I still hate it. I went from driving in like, you know, San Fernando Valley to LA to, you know, really kind of relatively chill city in Santa Barbara, and Goleta and I still hated driving.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

So what was I trying to say about this that you might never, like, truly get over your fears, but you'll get better at managing them. And who knows what world of possibilities you'll unlock by trying new things out. I mean, I feel like for me with with this season that I'm in, it's like trying so many new things out and expanding my comfort zone. I am so excited for the future. Yes, there are days that I'm down there days that I struggled, but I have so much hope I have so much to look forward to. And that's what I want for you, I want you to remind yourself when things are hard. This is finite, undergrad is finite, grad school is finite, whatever job you land is finite, you might think you're gonna be there forever. But you know, based on statistics of you know, how often usually, like, after the four or five year mark, people leave their jobs. And so that makes complete sense to me.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Nothing is nothing. Como se dice. Oh my gosh, I'm blanking out on that saying. The only thing that that is predictable is like change itself. I know there's this saying, and you probably know it too. And I'm just blanking out on that saying. But yeah, it's like everything is finite. And eventually you're gonna move on to the next thing and the next thing and hopefully, you know, you continue to, to do things that that you look forward to doing that are part of your dreams that are things that you look forward to that give you hope, you know, the world can be a really scary place.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

And there's a lot of terrible things happening. But at the same time, you are allowed to have experienced joy. You're allowed to meet your goals. You're allowed to dream you're allowed to live a good life, you're allowed to live a life of comfort. And that's I keep reminding myself because I've worked so hard, you have all worked so hard and we deserve a break. We deserve to do things that we enjoy. We deserve joy. We deserve, you know, so many things.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

Anyway, I think I went off on the rant a little near the end. That's my message for this episode is that think about expanding your comfort zone.

Dra. Yvette Martinez-Vu

If you try new things, do them slowly, take small steps. Do it scared and do it often. Who knows what possibilities are out there for you? All right, yeah. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I will talk to you next time.